- Michael Scott: My resolution? I never wanna make Holly cry again. Unless it's from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully.
- Dwight Schrute: What'd you get?
- Darryl Philbin: A book about oceans.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, really? What else? Let me see.
- Darryl Philbin: That's porn. Pornography. Old lady. Nasty porn.
- Pam Beesly: Hey, Dwight. I'm collecting resolution cards.
- Dwight Schrute: Not doing that.
- Pam Beesly: Why not?
- Dwight Schrute: I've achieved plenty, and there's no better than the best.
- Michael Scott: [filming video] Michael, I know what you're thinking. Holly's engaged to another man, and you want to kill yourself. It may seem like a good idea, but it's not.
- Erin Hannon: [giggles] Snot. Sorry, it sounded like you said it's snot. I am so sorry.
- Michael Scott: Okay, so killing yourself.
- [laughs]
- Michael Scott: I was just thinking about snot.
- Michael Scott: Today will either be the best or worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down.
- Dwight Schrute: My resolution is: Meet a loose woman.
- Andy Bernard: That's a good one.
- Dwight Schrute: Yeah?
- Andy Bernard: You know what? That's my new one. I'm taking that one, too.
- Darryl Philbin: You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to 'em. "Hey, what book is that?" "Cool, lets hang out tonight." " Sex already? Whoa."
- Andy Bernard: The bookstore?
- Dwight Schrute: It's that easy?
- Darryl Philbin: I'll come wit' you, show you how it's done.
- Darryl Philbin: I have nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday. The day shift at a strip club? You can't un-see that.
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