- Flying School Interviewer: Qualifications. Do you have any GCSEs?
- Tommy Reid: Uh, well, you see, we don't have GCSEs in Scotland, we just have Standards.
- Flying School Interviewer: Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have any Standards?
- Tommy Reid: No.
- [Tommy is talking to the film crew about how he thought the interview went, then the Interviewer comes out of his office]
- Tommy Reid: Did I get it?
- Flying School Interviewer: I'm sorry?
- Tommy Reid: Did I get it?
- Flying School Interviewer: We'll write to you.
- Tommy Reid: Oh no, don't do that, I cannae read.
- [the Interviewer looks awkward and goes back inside his office]
- Tommy Reid: [turning back to the film crew, giving the thumbs up] I think I got it!
- Omar Baba: I am... humble man. When I started this airline, all I had was a dream. And 3.2 billion pounds my father gave me.
- Disgruntled Passenger #3: I'm here with my wife and kids, this is our holiday, thanks to you lot going on strike, you've ruined our holiday!
- Taaj Manzoor: No, boss, you ruined your holiday.
- Disgruntled Passenger #3: Well, how'd you work that one out?
- Taaj Manzoor: Because you was a cheapskate and you booked with a crap airline, isn't it?
- [Fearghal O'Farrell has just won the Steward of the Year award, except he's in joint first-place with a stewardess]
- Fearghal O'Farrell: Bull-shit! There's no way I'm sharing this award with her! I scored 100% in those customer satisfaction forms! I know because I filled in every one myself! I force-fed nuts to a man with a nut allergy and then saved his life, AND I slept with the Chairman of Our Lady Air!
- [he snatches the trophy off the stewardess]
- Fearghal O'Farrell: I'm having this! Thank you and goodnight.
- [he storms off the stage]
- Dale Winton: What's got into her?
- Fearghal O'Farrell: Gay, orange, turd!