- Dr. Gregory House: I've made a decision... Being happy and being in love with you... makes me a crappy doctor.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Shut up! You're too drunk to end this relationship.
- Dr. Gregory House: I am drunk, and I am also right. You have made me a worse doctor, and people are going to die because of that... and you... are *totally* worth it. If I had to choose between... between saving everyone or loving you, being happy. I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you.
- Dr. James Wilson: You never do anything unless it stands to benefit you...
- Dr. Gregory House: I realize that three failed marriages can leave a man twisted and bitter inside, but in a good relationship, sometimes people do things for each other.
- Dr. James Wilson: A hundred says you don't show up.
- Dr. Gregory House: You're giving me incentive to actually show up? A personal selfish incentive?
- Dr. James Wilson: I'm just making easy money. 200.
- Dr. Gregory House: ...How high did Cuddy authorize you to go?
- Dr. James Wilson: Heh. She - she - three. She really wants you there.
- Dr. Gregory House: Why do people believe I'm incapable of doing something nice?
- Dr. James Wilson: Experience.
- Dr. Gregory House: All of them are gone, Wilson. They're all dead, because I'm screwed up.
- Dr. James Wilson: You lost one patient, and it wasn't your fault.
- Dr. Gregory House: What about that mom who gave her baby cancer? If I'd figured that one out quicker, she'd still be a mom, alive.
- Dr. James Wilson: She refused treatment when it was offered. How is that your fault?
- Dr. Gregory House: Then there was that guy I spent a day trapped in isolation with. I was 5 feet away the whole time. Just watched him die, like an idiot.
- Dr. James Wilson: Yeah. You've lost patients before, and you'll lose patients again.
- Dr. Gregory House: Exactly. Why?... Because love and happiness are nothing but distractions.
- Dr. Gregory House: I RSVP'd two days ago. What? Do you think I'm a complete ass?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [Cuddy walks away. Then stops and turns around] If you were already going why did you - ?
- Dr. Gregory House: Foreplay.
- Dr. Robert Chase: File says he's a Real Estate Developer. Could've been exposed to something visiting a construction site.
- Martha Masters: He's lying.
- [Everyone stares at Masters]
- Martha Masters: He's not an executive. I saw his hands. There covered with calluses and cuts. He works with them - a lot.
- Dr. Gregory House: Stand up.
- [Masters slowly rises. House hugs her]
- Martha Masters: Oh.
- Dr. Gregory House: Our little girl is finally growing up. I mean you dream of this day, and when it finally happens... So what did Mr. Meathook say when you called him a liar?
- Martha Masters: I didn't.
- Dr. Gregory House: Baby steps. Go down there and do it.
- Bert: Haven't you ever done something in a relationship that you wished you could take back?
- Dr. Robert Chase: ...Maybe.
- Bert: How'd you handle it?
- Dr. Robert Chase: I told her the truth - eventually.
- Bert: How'd that work out?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Not well.
- Dr. Gregory House: Cuddy is getting an award. I think we should all be there. Show our support.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I assume you're planning on screwing it up, so you want to maximize witnesses.
- Dr. Gregory House: Why does everyone go there?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Experience.
- Dr. Gregory House: Shut up!... How about go or work at the Clinic all weekend? I hear it's "Genital Herpes Awareness" month.
- Dr. Gregory House: [Have a meeting in the bathroom while Foreman and Taub are doing their business] Swollen joints, high white count, fever, conjunctivitis. Anyone?
- Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Chris Taub: Seriously?
- Dr. Gregory House: What? You can't think and poop at the same time? There's a life at stake here.
- Martha Masters: I put making friends and having relationships on hold so I could concentrate on studying. I always thought, there'll be plenty of time for that in the future... but now - when I do want them - I can't even get a date to this charity event. If I can't establish a relationship in my personal life, how will I ever do it with a patient?
- Dr. Robert Chase: ...Be honest with her. If it comes down to a choice between the brutal truth and hope: side with hope.
- Dr. James Wilson: You okay?
- Dr. Gregory House: Why wouldn't I be? Solved my case.
- Dr. James Wilson: But your patient died.
- Dr. Gregory House: I didn't say in time. It happens. Can't save everyone.
- Dr. Gregory House: The only thing my relationship with Cuddy does for me is make me a worse doctor.
- Dr. James Wilson: [Chuckling] Right. The great Doctor House doesn't deserve to be happy. You know it's not true.
- Dr. Gregory House: My happiness is being paid for with other people's lives.
- Martha Masters: We need to ask you a few questions. Alone, if you don't mind... Uh, they tend to be personal in nature...
- Diane: I'm his wife. I can probably answer them better than he can.
- Martha Masters: They're about his job.
- Diane: Well, what does that matter? He sits in an office all day.
- Bert: Honey, take a break. It's okay.
- Diane: No! Seriously, if there's something really wrong with him, I want to know about it.
- Martha Masters: It's not...
- Dr. Robert Chase: Our questions are about what he eats for lunch at work and what comes out at the end. Bowel movements mostly. Color, texture, smell.
- Diane: Okay.
- Bert: Pretty sure you can't help with that.
- Diane: Maybe I could use a break.
- [to Chase]
- Diane: Thank you for your honesty.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You're welcome.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You don't have to move out, if you don't want to. I realize you might have had a point. I've been alone a long time, and I don't want to end up like House.
- Dr. Chris Taub: What you said about me and my marriage...
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I was being an ass.
- Dr. Chris Taub: True. But you were right. I needed to hear it.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: So we're good?
- Dr. Chris Taub: You know, I have a couple tickets to...
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Don't push it.
- Dr. Chris Taub: We found Vicodin in his office.
- Dr. Gregory House: Give it to me... Might look like Vicodin, might be something else.
- [Slight pause, then Foreman tosses the bottle to House. House examines a pill]
- Dr. Gregory House: It's real. Unfortuneately... Because Vicodin doesn't cause rash, fever and joint pain. Does make Taub considerably less annoying.
- Dr. Gregory House: [about the Charity Gala] I want to make this more exciting. Something she'll remember for more than 10 minutes.
- Dr. James Wilson: Okay. By fun and exciting you mean, screwing things up for Cuddy. So she won't even *dream* of asking you to go to one again.
- Dr. Gregory House: You really can't stand to me happy, can you?
- Dr. James Wilson: I picture him doing something stupid like - hiring a Marachi band or something.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, actually, I could get behind that. I tried hiring one last year, but the Board wouldn't let me. Because they thought it was too expensive.
- Diane: Can he hear me?... They say that - that people in comas can still do that?
- Martha Masters: Sometimes. But your husband's hearing... is fine.
- Martha Masters: Taub and Foreman done? I'm hitching a ride with them.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Me, too.
- Martha Masters: You're not picking up your date?
- Dr. Robert Chase: No, going solo. All those meaningless relationships tend to wear a guy out after a while.
- Dr. James Wilson: [House has a mariachi band in his office] What are you doing?
- Dr. Gregory House: What does it look like I'm doing? Auditioning the band for Friday night.
- Dr. James Wilson: So you're trying to ruin Cuddy's moment in the spotlight?
- Dr. Gregory House: Ruin? These guys recorded with Juan Gabriel. They're gonna cost me two grand. This isn't a prank. These guys are the beginning of Cuddy's evening to remember which in turn will make my evening...
- Dr. James Wilson: I think if you do this, your evening will end with you alone in your apartment with a sock.
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