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- Frank: I tried to warn everyone, but they didn't believe me!
- Barry: Of course they didn't! You just called them all a bunch of fucking idiots! You can't just slam their beliefs! You have to show them that there's a better way. You need to inspire them like you inspired me! You need to give them hope.
- Frank: Hope? Well, how the fuck are we supposed to give them that? You got lucky, and killed a stupid one! There's dozens of them down there!
- Gum: [appears] Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
- Gum: I am sorbitol, maltitol, xylitol, mannitol, calcium, carbonite, soy lecithin, vegetable, triglyceride and talc. But, for expediency's sake. You can call me... Gum.
- Druggie: [drugged, seeing the food alive] Mr. Sausage, when will it end?
- Beer Can: When will it end? When he stops drinking us!
- Krinkler's Chips, Sandwich, Pop Tart, Tickilish Licorice: Yeah!
- Cookies: And stops eating us!
- Sandwich: Same here!
- Pop Tart: Fuck yeah!
- Toilet Paper: And when he stops using us!
- Krinkler's Chips: What did they do to you?
- Toilet Paper: [nervously backs away] You don't wanna fuckin' know!
- Frank: Banana's whole face peeled off, Peanut Butter's wife is dead. Look at him, he's right there.
- Peanut Butter: [screams] JELLY! I'm gonna fix you, I'm gonna fix this...
- Baby Carrot: For the love of shit, RUN!
- Camille Toh: [notices the Baby Carrots are going to fall off the counter] Whoops.
- [Baby Carrots fall off the counter, she grabs them]
- Baby Carrot: I WANT MY MOMMY!
- [She eats the Baby Carrots]
- Potato: [singing] Oh, Danny Boy... The pipes, the pipes are call...
- [Potato's stomach gets sliced off]
- Potato: Ack! JESUS FUCK!
- [Potato continues to get his skin sliced off]
- Potato: Oh! God, me skin! She's peelin' me fuckin' skin!
- Carl: What the FUCK?
- [Potato is about to be put in a pot full of boiling water]
- Potato: Jesus, you fuckin' whore! Me eyes! THEY BURN!
- [gurgles and dies]
- Frank, Barry, Carl: [singing with the other sausages] In here, we keep our wieners in our packages. That's how it is.
- Brenda: [singing with the other buns] It sucks, but that's the way our butts keep fresh and pure. Baby, baby.
- Frank, Barry, Carl: But once we're out the doors, it's not a sin.
- Brenda: For us to let you slip it in.
- Frank, Barry, Carl: In other words, we finally get to fuck!
- Brenda: And love!
- Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!
- Brenda: And hug!
- Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!
- Brenda: And feel!
- Frank, Barry, Carl: And fuck!
- Brenda: And share!
- Carl: Look at these big ol' buns!
- [wolf whistles getting their attention]
- Carl: Ye-ah, you know it, baby! Work those buns! All of you, all day, ur-day, lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat!
- Brenda: Yeah. Right, Carl. You really think any of these buns are gonna line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that happening: 'Oh! Oh! Is he in there yet? Oh, I can't feel him! I don't think he's in there! Oh, wait he is!' It's so sad! I bet you jackrabbit for a quick fifteen seconds.
- [jackrabbits mockingly]
- Brenda: And then you slump over.
- [Carl glares at her]
- Brenda: [laughs] I mean, honestly, guys! Who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them?
- [Another bun raises their hand]
- Brenda: Roberta, put your fucking hand down! You're ruining my joke. See? Nobody. That's who.
- Frank: If what you're saying is true, I got to tell everyone!
- Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.
- Frank: I have to try... Everyone will die otherwise.
- Firewater: Oh yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right?
- Frank: Wait. Do you guys have any proof of this?
- Used Condom: [as Barry goes lost in the alley, in difficulty] I begged them to stop, but then they just went. First, the gods stretched me till it hurt, then they went inside me, and then... And then... SPLOOGE! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!
- [Barry screams and runs away]
- Firewater: So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I'll slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.
- Honey Mustard: Oh my God! Did you guys just fucking hear that?
- Ketchup: What? What are you looking at?
- [sees Firewater has vanished]
- Ketchup: He's gone.
- Honey Mustard: Where the fuck did he go? I'm, so fucked up. I'm, so fucked up!
- [Ketchup tries to touch Honey Mustard]
- Honey Mustard: Ketchup, Get the fuck off of me! Nobody fucking touch me!
- Drug Dealer: Hey, man. Be careful with this. Bath salts are the real deal. People been seeing some crazy shit.
- Druggie: [takes the bath salts] Awesome.
- Douche: What's up, little juicy box? You're leaking too, eh bro? And right out of your fucking dingle. Fucking sucks, right?
- Juice Box: Dying... so cold...
- Douche: [notices that the juice box is leaking, he gets an idea] Uh-oh. Light bulb.
- Light Bulb: Yes?
- Douche: No. Not fucking you, dummy.
- Gum: [explaining why the druggie can no longer see them alive] The human is no longer aware of the fourth dimension... The effects of the opiate have dissipated. Your speech and movements are imperceptible to him... We are totally fucked.
- Honey Mustard: You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why is anybody listening to me?
- Frank: Hey. Buddy, are you all right?
- Honey Mustard: No! I'm not all right. It's all a lie. Everything you've been told, everything you believe in.
- Carl: Hey, Honey Mustard, you're acting cray cray!
- Brenda: Carl, we shouldn't even be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. I mean, What is he, Honey? Is he mustard? It's like make up your mind or just kill yourself.
- Honey Mustard: You fucking idiots! I've been there, I've seen that shit and there ain't no way I'm going back.
- Frank: Wait, wait, wait, wait. You've been to the Great Beyond?
- Honey Mustard: 'Great' my asshole! Everything we've ever known is a dirt covered pile of shit. Jacking off in our fucking faces. Covering our eyes with their cum, so cum covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know, they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces!
- Brenda: Dude, shut up! The gods are gonna hear you talking about that.
- Honey Mustard: They're ain't gods! They're monsters, horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice... FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.
- Pop Bottle: You ready for this?
- Geronimints: I don't know.
- Pop Bottle: It's better to die a free candy than to live in bondage.
- [opens a bottle cap]
- Geronimints: This is gonna hurt so fucking much.
- [first lines]
- Frank: [notices the shoppers entering the Shopwell's] Shit!
- [turns to Carl]
- Frank: Carl? Carl? Carl, Carl, Carl! Dude, we've slept in again! The song's about to start!
- Carl: Shit, Frank! We can't miss the song!
- [to Barry]
- Carl: Barry, wake up!
- Barry: What? I'm up, I'm up!
- Frank: This song is such an awesome way to start every morning.
- Carl: It's just a super nice way of showing the gods how much we appreciate everything they'll do for us, once they take us out those doors to the Great Beyond.
- Barry: I love this so fucking much.
- Frank: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Corn's about to start singing!
- [turns to Corn]
- Frank: Drop it, Corn! You've got the best voice!
- Carl: You're the man, Corn! You fucking rule! Take it away, bro!
- Douche: [sees Frank] Oh, so now you're gonna come at me, bro?
- Frank: Oh, I'm coming at you!
- [prepares to punch him. But Darren tries to grabs Frank]
- Douche: Okay, we got him. Easy now, easy now.
- Darren: Well, it's hard when your head's up my ass and you're yanking on the scrote!
- Douche: Look, sausage... I relish the fact that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me!
- [to Mustard, Ketchup and Relish]
- Douche: Yeah, that's right, shut your mouths.
- [to Frank, cackling]
- Douche: I sucked a juice box's dick, and I'm shoved up a God's asshole, and this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro!
- [takes a bite of his torso, Frank screaming in pain]
- Brenda: [gasps, shocked] Oh, my God! FRANK!
- Douche: I'll tell you who eats shit: Gods do, bro... I'M A FUCKING GOD!
- Darren: Good-bye, little sausage.
- [prepares to kill Frank]
- [Douche seeing that Brenda, Lavash, Sammy Bagel, Jr. and Teresa have vanished and turns to Tequila]
- Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them! So you dragged me over to this fucking aisle with all these illegal products, and now I don't see them. So where the fuck are they? SPILL THE BEANS!
- Refried Beans: Que?
- Douche: Beans, I swear to fucking God if you don't shut the fuck up!
- Carl: [after being insulted by Brenda] Dude, um, how do I say this to you gently? But your girlfriend, um... She's a fucking cunt.
- Frank: Shut up! She's fresh as fuck, and you know it.
- Carl: Dude, I just don't why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there.
- Frank: Because I believe in bun-ogamy. I'm a bun-ogamist, and when a bun this fresh is into you, all you ask is when and how deep.
- Firewater: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible and for that, I give you mad props. But, now that you have shattered one truth: It is time for you to learn... that we are not REAL! Booga Booga Booga.
- Gum: While tripping balls, Firewater and I made an important meta-psychical breakthrough.
- Firewater: The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters, twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters, puppet masters in the other dimension! We're something called... Cartoons.
- [Frank, Brenda, Kareem, Sammy, Barry and Teresa gasped]
- Frank: What?
- Firewater: You, Frank... are the plaything of a demented schlubby Jewish actor named:
- [the image of actor Seth Rogen]
- Firewater: Seth Ro-gan.
- Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?
- Sammy: So... who am I?
- Gum: You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named:
- [the image of actor Edward Norton]
- Gum: Ed-ward Nor-ton.
- Sammy: Ed-ward Nor-ton? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that?
- Gum: Worry not, friends. I have a solution.
- Female Shopper #1: [as the bath salts take effect on her, deliriously] Oh God... What is... happening?
- [sees the food come alive before her very eyes]
- Female Shopper #1: [freaks out] OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAHHHHH!
- Male Shopper #1: Excuse me? I meant to buy normal mustard, but when I got home I realized I bought Honey Mustard. Is it cool if I just go swap it?
- Alex: I don't give a flying fuck, homeboy.
- Darren: Wait, Snap out of it, man! Slap it! Slap yourself in the face, man! Oh, man! You lost your mind? Is this even? No, wait! This isn't real! Now, this can't be real!
- Douche: Oh, it's real, bro.
- [Darren reacts, points to douche with a gun]
- Darren: [gasps in horror] A talking douche?
- Douche: It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?
- Darren: No, no, no! This is too much, this is too much! Too much! Breathe, man!
- Douche: We both want the same thing... Like, I'm feeling honestly the two of us could like collaborate together. Like a mash up, bro.
- Darren: A mash-up? I don't understand! What's happening?
- Douche: You don't need to understand.
- [getting inside of his crotch]
- Douche: You just need to relax and open wide.
- Darren: Wait, what are you doing?
- [He got inside of his crotch, groaning]
- Douche: Oh, yeah!
- Darren: Dude, that went up my ass!
- Frank: Hey, Brenda. What up, girl?
- [chuckles]
- Frank: Sorry about those guys. such fucking dicks, right?
- Carl: Oh, I can hear you, dude.
- Frank: [turns to Carl] Shut up, fuck you.
- [turns back to Brenda]
- Frank: So, uh, Tomorrow's the big day, huh?
- [chuckles]
- Frank: You and me, finally gonna be official.
- Brenda: I'm so happy, the Gods put our packages together.
- Frank: Because, we belong together.
- Frank: It's like, we were made for each other.
- Frank: I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw-dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so.
- [chuckling]
- Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.
- Frank: Oh, sweet fucking fuck. Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But, I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.
- Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Frank, Brenda: Just the tips?
- Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.
- Frank: I know. We're so naughty.
- Brenda: It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.
- Frank: No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
- [Frank and Brenda tries to touching the tips]
- Frank: Oh, yeah. Go in. Put it in there.
- Brenda: Big tip.
- Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.
- Barry: [while having sex with his newfound mate] I'm filling you! I'm filling you! I'm blowing my fuckin' load!
- Frank: Friends... Ramen... Country Club Lemonade... Lend me your ears of Corn. I'm Frank and I am a sausage... a little sausage with some pretty big news... Everything we've been led to believe is a lie! When we get chosen by the Gods, they're choosing us for death! Murder! Automatic expiration!... The Great Beyond is bullshit!
- Indian Chutney: What?
- Chunk Munchers Cereal: That's crazy talk!
- Lettuce: You're a liar!
- Frank: I know you don't want to believe it... But I have proof!
- [shows everyone the page of people eating food, everyone reacts with shock and horror]
- Licorice Rope: What is this!
- Relish: It's - it's MURDER!