- [first lines]
- Victoria Chase: Ice. I need ice.
- Joy Scroggs: I realize it's happy hour somewhere, but isn't it a bit early even for you?
- Victoria Chase: It happens to be an emergency.
- [holding ice tray against the side of her neck]
- Victoria Chase: I pulled a muscle fastening my bra.
- Elka Ostrovsky: What's going on?
- Joy Scroggs: Victoria's having a senior moment.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Oh, I have those all the time. I can be walking along, happy as a clam, and suddenly I get this overwhelming urge to hit some young person with a stick.
- Victoria Chase: Oh, Lord, Hailey Nash! All those dreadful female empowerment songs.
- Joy Scroggs: Her music takes me back to a time when music sucked.
- Melanie Moretti: You *know* Johnny Revere!
- Victoria Chase: Every inch of him. One night he pulled me from the audience to dance on stage and gave me a back-stage pass to the best six months of my life.
- Joy Scroggs: Then why is he a bastard?
- Victoria Chase: Because, half-way through the tour, he left me stranded on a corner in Winslow, Arizona.
- Melanie Moretti: Wait, isn't that an Eagles song?
- Victoria Chase: Never tell Don Henley anything in confidence when you're doing shots.
- Joy Scroggs: Ooh, that sounds very satisfying. I've never thrown a drink at a man. I mean, I've slapped a couple of faces, egged a few cars, set the odd house on fire, but never the drink in the face. Oh, this is going to be fun!
- Johnny Revere: Seriously, you look even sexier in person than you did on your show.
- Victoria Chase: You watched Edge of Tomorrow?
- Johnny Revere: Sure. I was always bragging to the roadies how I used to drill you like the Gulf of Mexico.
- Victoria Chase: Still don't follow the news, do you!
- Victoria Chase: I am definitely going to need an emergency wax.
- Elka Ostrovsky: But your eyebrows look fine.
- Victoria Chase: Oh, it's not my eyebrows I'm worried about.
- Joy Scroggs: Do you think I carry a portable waxing kit?
- Victoria Chase: Joy, please!
- Joy Scroggs: OK, fine!
- [picks up a candle and serviette from the table]
- Joy Scroggs: I'll MacGyver it.
- Melanie Moretti: I just hope when Hailey gets my note she forgives me.
- Joy Scroggs: What note?
- Melanie Moretti: Oh, I paid the bartender to slip her an apology and a CD to autograph, so that way if I get it back in the mail I know she's forgiven me.
- Joy Scroggs: And if you get a restraining order, you'll know she hasn't.
- Melanie Moretti: Oh, no!
- Joy Scroggs: They're not that bad. You'd be surprised how much trash talking you can do from three hundred feet.
- [last lines]
- Joy Scroggs: Oh, don't feel so bad, Melanie. I didn't know about Elton John *or* George Michael. I thought he wanted *my* sex.
- Melanie Moretti: I didn't even know the Village People were gay.
- Victoria Chase: Yeah, they kind of ruined that cowboys with short shorts and a moustache look for straight guys.
- Elka Ostrovsky: In my day nobody knew anything about anyone. Rock Hudson. Tab Hunter. I had a big thing for Liberace.
- Melanie Moretti: You thought Liberace was straight.
- Elka Ostrovsky: I could have turned him.