Hot in Cleveland (TV Series)

Birthdates (2010)

Jane Leeves: Joy Scroggs

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Victoria Chase : [a police siren is heard approaching]  Huh. Wonder what that's about.

  Elka Ostrovsky : [entering]  I'm not here.

  Joy Scroggs : Wait. The police are looking for you?

  Elka Ostrovsky : [the siren fades into the distance]  What police?

• Melanie Moretti : Hey, guys, guess what? It's our birthday in two weeks!

  Joy Scroggs : You're kidding.

  Elka Ostrovsky : You all have birthdays on the same day?

  Victoria Chase : No no no, but we decided that, seeing as birthdays are so generally unpleasant...

  Melanie Moretti : Depressing, scary...

  Joy Scroggs : Drunk and hazy...

  Victoria Chase : We decided that we'd just celebrate ours all together on a neutral day. And that way, we don't have to acknowledge the day that we actually get older.

  Joy Scroggs : It works great; I really don't know how old I am.

• Joy Scroggs : I get disgusting comments and lewd gestures like ten times a day. It is fantastic!

• Elka Ostrovsky : I'm a little nervous. Or maybe it's just staring at that rat's nest that Joy calls a hairdo. It's so unsettling.

  Joy Scroggs : Your nerves are making you unpleasant.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Yes, but I can fix that by finishing this wine. You're still stuck with that hair.

  Joy Scroggs : That's not your joke, Elka; that's Winston Churchill's.

  Elka Ostrovsky : It's not stealing if you were there.

• [last lines] 

  Melanie Moretti : So, Elka, when are you going to make it official?

  Elka Ostrovsky : Oh, that's over. We started having problems.

  Melanie Moretti : What happened?

  Elka Ostrovsky : Well, we got along fine but... he wouldn't go downtown. If you know what I mean.

  [the three girls are stunned] 

  Elka Ostrovsky : What! I mean there are so many good restaurants and, and shops downtown.

  [the three laugh, relieved] 

  Elka Ostrovsky : I can't give that up!

  Victoria Chase : Why should you?

  Elka Ostrovsky : [going to answer the door]  What did you think I was talking about?

  Joy Scroggs : So you meant shops.

  Melanie Moretti : Nothing, nothing at all.

  Carl : Hi.

  Elka Ostrovsky : M-Max.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Listen, Elka, I don't want to lose you, so if you're still up for it, I'm willing to try going downtown.

  Elka Ostrovsky : You are?

  Carl : Yes. Just hope I don't get lost down there.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Oh, you won't. I have no trouble telling you where to go.

  Carl : It's just that it's so dark and scary there.

  Melanie Moretti : Happy birthday.

  Joy Scroggs : Happy birthday.

  Victoria Chase : Happy birthday.