- Juliet O'Hara: Eventually, Carlton is going to find out about us.
- Shawn Spencer: I've seen his detective skills. That could take years.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You've been after her for five years.
- Eve Asher: Five years?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: He's really not that smooth.
- Shawn Spencer: Oh, I'm not that smooth? 'Hey, heard about Pluto? That's messed up, right?' How many times has that landed?
- Eve Asher: Guys, guys!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's a player's move, Shawn!
- Shawn Spencer: We have a bona fide Scooby Do case that has fallen into our laps! Dead guy, haunted house, amusement park. Gus, say "Zoinks!"
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not saying "Zoinks!"
- Shawn Spencer: Then say "Jinkies!"
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Jinkies.
- Carlton Lassiter: You're the second best detective we have, by a wide margin.
- Juliet O'Hara: Um... thank you?
- Carlton Lassiter: And that's because up until now, you've managed to keep Spencer and his antics at arm's length! See, that is the key to dealing with him. That and maintaining the psychological upper hand at all times.
- Juliet O'Hara: He's calling you Velma.
- Carlton Lassiter: I'm choosing my battles.
- Shawn Spencer: [muffled] Wait for it. Wait for iiiiiaaaaahhhhh!
- Ghost Train Rider: These goblins... Smell like bacon!
- Shawn Spencer: [finishes screaming] What the hell does that mean?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I have no idea!
- Shawn Spencer: [sniffs Gus] You do smell like bacon! Smell yourself!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [sniffs himself] Why do I smell like bacon, Shawn?
- Shawn Spencer: I don't know, but it's not good!
- Carlton Lassiter: Look, O'Hara, it was a long time ago.
- Juliet O'Hara: I know, I know. But it does seem peculiar. Maybe Shawn's right.
- Carlton Lassiter: About what? He and Guster think they're in some cartoon mystery show with a talking Great Dane and a psychedelically painted van.
- Juliet O'Hara: Scooby-Doo?
- Carlton Lassiter: Is that why he keeps calling me Velma?
- Juliet O'Hara: Uh, probably!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Maybe you want to consider an in-house program. Have you seen Girl, Interrupted?
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, please. Have you seen Cuckoo's Nest? Or Crazy People?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Boat trip?
- Shawn Spencer: Boat tri - Boat trip? The gay cruise ship movie with Sanz and Cuba Gooding Jr.? How does that play?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: It doesn't. I just wanted to know if anyone saw it besides me.
- Shawn Spencer: I'm guessing no.
- Shawn Spencer: We have a bona fide Scooby-Doo case that has fallen into our laps! Dead guy, haunted house, amusement park. Gus, say "Zoinks!"
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not saying "Zoinks!"
- Shawn Spencer: Then say "Jinkies!"
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Jinkies.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: We're gonna get arrested, aren't we?
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be the only black lead on a major cable network. My dad's never had me arrested.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yes he has, Shawn!
- Shawn Spencer: You're right! We need to get out of here.