- Ted Mosby: Look we've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers, you know, these completely different people who just happen to look like us.
- Marshall Eriksen: Ted, I love you buddy, but there is no way you can pull off blonde.
- Lily Aldrin: Seriously, Ted, don't do it
- Ted Mosby: I'm going blonde!
- Marshall Eriksen: That is NOT the outcome we were hoping for.
- Barney Stinson: Kids? No! Don't have kids! The rule is no kids until you're at least 45. Don't you EVER read my blog? It's gotten a lot better!
- Barney Stinson: [Marshall and Lily imagine what if they told the gang about their plans for a baby]
- [Barney opens their door]
- Barney Stinson: You guys bangin'?
- Lily Aldrin, Marshall Eriksen: Whaaaaaa!
- Barney Stinson: Just for the record, having a baby? Huge mistake. Now show me what you've got.
- Ted Mosby: [Enters with balloons] Uncle Teddy's here.
- [Marshall and Lily scream]
- Ted Mosby: Quick question. How are you guys going to handle the whole Santa thing? I'm thinking just be honest. Aw, Hell. I'll dress up.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [TV turns on, showing Robin. Marshall and Lily scream again] This just in... is what Marshall Eriksen is about to say to his wife as he attempts to impregnate her. Chopper 12 is live on the scene with Baby Watch 2010.
- [Gang sees live footage of helicopter just outside the room's window]
- Marshall Eriksen: But you were the fifth doppelganger! How can you be... you? I called you, we had a whole conversation, Barney, what happened?
- Barney Stinson: Ah, yes. I know what happened. People at work have this very strange expectation that I, well, work. I know, I know. So to make my colleagues think I'm busting my hump while I'm really out humping busty chicks, I decided to record a special recording.
- Marshall Eriksen: How can it be a recording, you called me Big Chief, my special workplace nickname?
- Barney Stinson: Oh, buddy.
- Don Frank: [Robin is stunned that Don accepted a lead anchor job in Chicago - which she turned down earlier] Put yourself in my shoes. Can you imagine what it's like to have the phone ring and it's your dream job on the other end?
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Teary-eyed] Yes... I can. Good luck in Chicago, Don.
- [leaves Don's apartment]
- Barney Stinson: No! Time out! This is a group decision! You can't just move to Chicago unless we all say it's okay!
- Ted Mosby: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's...
- Barney Stinson: Stay out of this Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV!
- Narrator: Kids, up to this point in the story we had found doppelgangers - eerie but awesome lookalikes for four of the five of our little group. There was lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican wrestler me. Yes, mine was the coolest. So we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turns out it was more important to some of us than others.
- Ted Mosby: Let's just say there were some senior citizens who attempted to "drown" on my watch... and sadly one who did.