Yvette Nicole Brown credited as playing...
Shirley Bennett
- Jeff Winger: Sorry I'm late. I was in my car, loving Britta.
- [Jeff and Britta kiss and then look deeply into each other's eyes]
- Jeff Winger: I guess I just love you too much.
- [Annie rocks nervously, a sick look on her face]
- Britta Perry: Not half as much as me.
- Abed Nadir: Jeff, do you think you'll marry Britta?
- Jeff Winger: I'd like to see someone stop me.
- Britta Perry: I just peed a little.
- Abed Nadir: [Abed presents them with a ring] Then here, propose.
- Britta Perry: [Jeff and Britta both look at the ring and then begin struggling over it] I've got it. I've got it.
- [Britta gets the ring and puts it on Jeff's finger]
- Britta Perry: Jeff Winger, will you marry me?
- Jeff Winger: Yeah, yeah, of course. No problem, no problem.
- [Shirley screams in delight and Annie screams in horror]
- Abed Nadir: Great, I'll be right back.
- [Abed rushes out of the room]
- Shirley Bennett: [Annie screams again as Jeff and Britta kiss] Thank the Lord you're getting married, I was so worried about your souls ever since you had premarital sex on the table.
- Troy Barnes: [Everyone leaps back from the table in disgust] Awesome!
- Jeff Winger: You told Shirley?
- Shirley Bennett: Well, there's no need for secrecy now. It was during the paintball game.
- Troy Barnes: Was there anything you didn't win that day?
- Annie Edison: [Annie runs over and punches Jeff in the face] You slept with her and then kissed me?
- Britta Perry: What?
- Irish Singer: [Abed enters with an entourage of people carrying a wedding arbor and singing] But she's in so deep/ You know she's such a fool for him/ She's got a ring around her finger ah-ah-ah/ And Abed hired an Irish singer/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying Jeffrey Winger!
- Shirley Bennett: Clearly, the most important tool is the cross, representing Christianity.
- Abed Nadir: It's an ax.
- Shirley Bennett: It's an ax?
- Troy Barnes: Maybe the telescope. Look through it backwards, shrink your enemies.
- Pierce Hawthorne: I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival, but fair warning, it's my penis.
- Señor Chang: Guys? I've got a confession to make, I took Anthropology because I wanna be a part of your study group.
- [overlapping responses]
- Señor Chang: Now I gotta do the honest thing and just ask. Is there any room in this pocket for a little spare Chang?
- Jeff Winger: Uh... look, we've been through a lot today. Umm... give us a little time to think it over.
- Señor Chang: Totally, man. Just think about it. Take your time and let me know.
- Shirley Bennett: Nice to see you, Chang.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Bye.
- Abed Nadir: See ya.
- Annie Edison: Hey.
- Señor Chang: Bye.
- Annie Edison: Aww. Poor guy.
- Jeff Winger: We'll let him in eventually.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Says who?
- Jeff Winger: We have the strength to survive anything. What's the worst that can happen?
- Shirley Bennett: Yeah, that's true.
- Troy Barnes: Yeah.
- Abed Nadir: Good point.
- Señor Chang: [cut to dual personality Chang]
- [mean voice]
- Señor Chang: I told you they hate you.
- [normal voice]
- Señor Chang: No, they said they just needed more time.
- [mean voice]
- Señor Chang: Time? They destroyed your life. How much time before we take revenge?
- [pleading normal voice]
- Señor Chang: But, they're my friends.
- [mean voice]
- Señor Chang: I'm your only friend.
- [normal voice]
- Señor Chang: No.
- [mean voice cackles]
- Señor Chang: hahaha!
- [frantic normal voice]
- Señor Chang: No.
- [mean voice cackles]
- Señor Chang: hahahaha!
- [wailing normal voice]
- Señor Chang: No!