- Dee Reynolds: Okay, I know you all are super stoked to be watching a movie in a bar. But we're just gonna keep it on the down low, you know what I mean? We don't need your parents and the principal finding out. It's just our little secret.
- Lisa: I've been in a bar before.
- Dee Reynolds: No, you haven't.
- Craig: I've been in *this* bar before.
- Frank Reynolds: Look at that, James Earl Jones is doing a great black face!
- Dennis Reynolds: James Earl Jones has a black face. He's a black man!
- Frank Reynolds: He's not black, he was Darth Vader!
- Mac: Darth Vader was black.
- Frank Reynolds: No. Darth Vader was not black, they took the mask off, he was white! Look, look, we gotta agree on this: the whole idea is getting the right color shoe polish.
- Dee Reynolds: [on the phone] Goddammit you guys, I am a teacher now, okay? Don't ever call me here again! I don't have time for your shit, you dumbass dickbags!
- [the other teachers stare]
- Dee Reynolds: Wrong number, sorry.
- Principal MacIntyre: It's school policy that no one should paint their face, so that's the rule and that's the end of that.
- Charlie Kelly: That's the rule.
- Principal MacIntyre: Yeah.
- Charlie Kelly: No wiggle room there?
- Principal MacIntyre: No.
- Charlie Kelly: Alright tell ya what, I'll take him down to the locker room, I'll lather him up real good, I'll strip all these silly ass clothes off him, I'm gonna clean him, sparkling clean brand new kid for ya.
- Principal MacIntyre: No, no, please don't bathe the students.
- Charlie Kelly: Heh, you're right. He's a big man, he can bathe himself, can't ya, Rich? Alright, he's bathing himself and I'm watching. Let's go, Richie.
- Frank Reynolds: Okay, here it is. Al Jolson in The Jazz Singer, 1927.
- Dennis Reynolds: How is that not racist to you?
- Mac: This is a terrible example of blackface. The guy isn't trying to look like a real person.
- Frank Reynolds: Well, he almost had the mouth right. See, that's what I'm saying about the full lips.
- Mac: The lips are the most offensive part! The guy is bugging his eyes out like a cartoon character, okay? This is racist as shit!
- Dennis Reynolds: All blackface is racist no matter how it's portrayed, and that is the point I'm trying to make. You just cannot cast a white man as a black man and paint his face black. You cannot do it.
- Mac: They're actors. They're trying to create an illusion. In The Lord of the Rings movies, Ian McKellen plays a wizard. Do you think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams into his boyfriend's asshole? I don't think so, dude. Tom Cruise is a midget... shorter then the average man. But he plays guys that are normal in size and height in the movies.
- Dennis Reynolds: Once again, nobody is buying that either. Ian McKellen playing a wizard and Tom Cruise playing taller men is not a fair comparison to white people portraying blackface.
- Mac: Okay, look at this. This is Laurence Olivier in Othello... . playing the lead character in blackface. This is James Earl Jones. Now, look how close they resemble each other. Look!
- Frank Reynolds: James Earl Jones is doing a great blackface
- Dennis Reynolds: James Earl Jones is a blackface. He's a black man!
- Frank Reynolds: He's not black, he was Darth Vader!
- Mac: Darth Vader was black.
- Frank Reynolds: No. Darth Vader was not black. They took the mask off in Return of the Jedi... he was white!