- Serena van der Woodsen, Vanessa Abrams: [to Dan] We need to talk to you.
- Chuck Bass: [to Dan] I need to talk to you.
- Nate Archibald: [to Chuck] Hey, I need to talk to you.
- Eric van der Woodsen: Okay, woah. Just tell me that no one's trying to stop a wedding, run a Ponzi scheme, give anybody fake cancer or turn into a justifiably vengeful townie.
- Cecily von Ziegesar: [to Serena, who Headmistress Queller introduced her to] We've never met, but I've read a lot about you.
- Vanessa Abrams: [into her cell phone] Hey, Dan.
- Dan Humphrey: [into his phone] Are you okay? I didn't hear from you when you got in. Is Charlie there?
- Vanessa Abrams: No, she isn't. I got caught up. I found your book. "Inside by Daniel Humphrey". It's incredible!
- Dan Humphrey: You went through my stuff? Vanessa, you had no right to do that!
- Vanessa Abrams: I know. I'm sorry. It was just lying there on your desk so I read it. This has got to be best satire about the Upper East Side since Bonfire of the Vanities. How long have you been working on this?
- Dan Humphrey: Five years... off and on. Now, put it back where you found it and we can forget you ever found it.
- Vanessa Abrams: I always thought Serena was the reason you fell into the Upper East Side. But after reading this... it was more then that.
- Dan Humphrey: Vanessa, seriously... this is none of your business.
- Vanessa Abrams: You always wanted in... maybe more then Jenny.
- Dan Humphrey: [sighs] Of course the irony of it is that if I now ever show it to anyone it will permanently guarantee my outsider status forever.
- Vanessa Abrams: Dan, you know as well as I do that you are, and always will be, an outsider to that drama-filled, scandalous, upper class, snobbish high society life just like me. You can't be an insider and make great art. You have to stand alone to observe it and you must not care who's feelings you hurt or what people will think of you.
- Dan Humphrey: Those people are my friends. My best friends, now. My family.
- Vanessa Abrams: Those "people" were never your friends. They use people just like you describe in your book. It's not like they come across worse then you do. And there's a certain someone who might like how she's painted in your book and I'm not talking about Serena. Get it published. Take a stand. Be a great man instead of always being a good boy.
- [Dan's phone beeps with a text message which reads "I found Charlie"]
- Dan Humphrey: Serena found Charlie. I need to go. Put the book back and get out of my room... and my life.
- Vanessa Abrams: Dan, this is important! We need to talk about this. Don't just drop everything and run off to help them. Meet me at the loft or someplace tonight where we can talk.
- Dan Humphrey: Good bye, Vanessa! Don't ever call, write, or visit me or my friends or family ever again!
- Vanessa Abrams: When are you going to realize that you are a better person until the day you asked Serena out four years ago?
- Dan Humphrey: When are you going to realize that I had better life until the day you climbed up my fire escape and interrupted me and Serena four years ago? Good bye, and good riddens!
- [Dan hangs up. Vanessa, teeming with anger, takes his manuscript and exits the loft with it]
- Georgina Sparks: [to Dan] I can tell that you're up to something. Please let me in on it. I haven't been this bored since I believed in Jesus.
- Dan Humphrey: Hey, what are you doing up here?
- Nate Archibald: Meeting Serena. You too?
- Dan Humphrey: Why do I feel like we've been here before?
- Blair Waldorf: We need to talk.
- Louis Grimaldi: I see.
- Blair Waldorf: Louis...
- Chuck Bass: Blair.
- Blair Waldorf: No, I need to do this myself. What I need to tell you is...
- Chuck Bass: What she's trying to say is you have my blessing. I couldn't be more happy the two of you are getting married.
- Dan Humphrey: So you're really getting married, huh?
- Blair Waldorf: Yes, and you're actually going to be invited. I bet you never thought you'd get to go to a royal wedding.
- Dan Humphrey: Only my own. Do you think you could introduce me to Charlotte Casiraghi? Listen, if the castle gets lonely, um, you want to watch a movie with a friend?
- Blair Waldorf: I already copied your queue. Our e-mail discourse begins Monday with Hal Ashby's The Landlord. And we'll take it from there.
- Ivy: Hi.
- Carol Rhodes: How was the trip?
- Ivy: It was long, but nice.
- Carol Rhodes: Did you get it?
- Ivy: [hands Carol a bag full of trust fund checks] They're all in there. You can count.
- Carol Rhodes: Thank you, Ivy. You played your part as Charlie perfectly. Your payment as we agreed?
- [Carol hands 'Ivy' a package of cash]
- Ivy: Thanks for hiring me. I have to say, getting me to impersonate Charlie to everyone here and in New York to get access to her trust fund was a pretty devious plan, even by my standards.
- Carol Rhodes: Well, you met my family. You know where I get it from. At least now they won't come looking for my daughter. Are you gonna be all right going back to your real life after being a part of that world?
- Ivy: I think I'll be fine.
- Carol Rhodes: Good luck.
- Isabel Coates: Hey, you've gotten cute.
- Eric van der Woodsen: Yep. Still gay.
- Kati Farkas: That means you can dance.
- [last lines]
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] But if at the end you find the person you've become is not the person you want to be... you can always turn around and try again. And maybe the next time you won't be so alone when it's over. Too late to turn back now. XOXO, Gossip Girl.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [in taxi] Well, at least now we know why Charlie's been acting so unbalanced.
- Vanessa Abrams: Yeah. Because she is. We need to find Dan before something happens to him.
- Serena van der Woodsen: And we have to find Charlie before something happens to her. You know, this isn't her fault. She needs help. The last time this happened she went wandering through the snow in her bare feet.
- Vanessa Abrams: Yeah, after she Single White Female'd her college roommate.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Rufus said the girl's boyfriend led her on.
- Vanessa Abrams: Fine. She's in your dress with your ex. But if you're so concerned about Charlie, you find her, and I'll find Dan.
- Serena van der Woodsen: You know, maybe I should be the one to tell Dan what's going on. At least he considers me a friend, which is more than you can say right now.
- Vanessa Abrams: And whose fault is that?
- Serena van der Woodsen: *Yours.* You know what? Let's... let's not do this. Why don't we *both* tell Dan together and we'll go find Charlie together.
- Vanessa Abrams: [the taxi has stopped] Fine. Let's go.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What if seventeen years from now, Milo's in trouble and needs help?
- Georgina Sparks: If, seventeen years from now, Milo's not in trouble, I did something wrong.
- Gossip Girl: [as Chuck wrily stares after departing Blair going back to her Prince] This just in: Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf, happily never after. They say parting is such sweet sorrow, but wouldn't it be nice if just once it didn't have to be?
- Georgina Sparks: [hasn't pulled a con since convincing Dan he was Milo's dad] Unless you count speeding up the process at a hospice to get someone's apartment...