The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Desperation Emanation (2010)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leonard Hofstadter : Alright, well let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?

  Sheldon Cooper : Screwed.

  Leonard Hofstadter : There you go.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred when I asked you to meet my mother.

  Sheldon Cooper : No misunderstanding. I've learned what that request actually means, and I don't want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : In what way are you screwed?

• [last lines] 

  [Amy and Sheldon are speaking to Amy's mother over a video computer connection on a laptop] 

  Mrs. Fowler : It's nice to meet you too, Sheldon. I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.

  Sheldon Cooper : I assure you I am quite real. And I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.

  Mrs. Fowler : [in a surprised tone]  What?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt.

  Mrs. Fowler : [scared]  Amy, what is he saying?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother. Well, here he is.

  [Sheldon waves at the computer screen, while Mrs. Fowler nervously waves back] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.

  [Mrs. Fowler makes a little yelp as Sheldon closes the computer top] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Thank you, Sheldon; that went very well.

  Sheldon Cooper : Agreed. Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship.

  [Amy stares at him blankly] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Bazinga.

  [looks at his watch] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Bedtime. Please show yourself out.

• Sheldon Cooper : What makes you chuckle, Leonard?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Um, recently? Not much.

  Sheldon Cooper : Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair bond with a woman, and the apparent collective decision of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Um... shut up.

• Leonard Hofstadter : You changed the address on the building? What about mail?

  Sheldon Cooper : No worries, I explained my predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."

• Sheldon Cooper : You know, it just occurred to me: if there are an infinite number of parallel universes, in one of then there's probably a Sheldon who doesn't believe parallel universes exist.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Probably; what's your point?

  Sheldon Cooper : No point. It's just one of the things that makes one of the mes chuckle.

• Sheldon Cooper : Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, so?

  Sheldon Cooper : What does that mean?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl who's your friend, and not your girlfriend?

  Sheldon Cooper : Uh-huh.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You can't say that anymore.

  Sheldon Cooper : What?

  Leonard Hofstadter : She obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I don't want the next level. I like this level. Fix it for me!

  Leonard Hofstadter : Me? How am I supposed to fix it?

  Sheldon Cooper : Simple! You want a girlfriend, Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships.

  Sheldon Cooper : Amy Farrah Fowler, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, guys.

  Howard Wolowitz : Hey.

  Raj Koothrappali : Hey.

  Sheldon Cooper : Alright, I'll bow to social pressure. Hey.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look?

  Sheldon Cooper : As if one of the plants from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Have you considered telling her how you feel?

  Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie.