Jeff Bennett credited as playing...
Kowalski • Red Squirrel
- Kowalski: [From the future] Skipper, you've got to stop me!
- Skipper: [Kicks Kowalski in the face] There, you're stopped.
- Kowalski: Not me me! That me!
- [points to present Kowalski]
- Kowalski: I've got to destroy the Chronotron!
- Skipper: There's two of you! You are from the future! Tell me, has the Earth become a post-apocalyptic wasteland swarming with irradiated mutants?
- Kowalski: Uh, no.
- Skipper: [Disappointed] Oh.
- Skipper: Problem solved. Now go invent something that won't destroy the world.
- Private: Like a snow cone machine.
- Rico: Snow cone!
- Kowalski: Snow cone, eh?
- [Cut to New York submerged in snow cone]
- Skipper: Kowalski! You maniac! You did it! You finally did it!
- Kowalski: Yes, but you've got to admit, these are great snow cones.
- Skipper: Oh, yes. Definitely worth it.
- Skipper: Kowalski, progress report.
- Kowalski: Nearing completion on escape tunnel 15, Skipper.
- Private: Isn't that being overly cautious?
- Skipper: Even better. It's full-blown paranoia!
- Kowalski: No, I mean, we already have 14 escape tunnels. Isn't that enough?
- Skipper: Manfredi and Johnson thought so. What was left of them came back in a manila envelope.
- Kowalski: From Manila, ironically.
- Skipper: There's no such thing as "too paranoid", Private. Remember that and forget you ever heard it.
- Private: Um, I don't think that works the way you think it...
- Skipper: Eyes on the flippers.
- Skipper: Okay, Kowalski, wow me.
- Kowalski: Behold, a portal to times past. The Chronotron!
- Skipper: So, it's a time machine?
- Kowalski: Well, yes.
- Skipper: So why not call it a time machine?
- Kowalski: Sure, yeah. And while we're at it, let's call the Great Wall a fence, the Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein Mr. Smartypants. Skipper, I don't think you're seing the big picture. With the Chronotron, we will be able to visit any period in history.
- Skipper: Outstanding! Finally, those hippies can be stopped!
- Skipper: What happened? I thought we mapped this tunnel.
- Kowalski: I'm not sure. This wall shouldn't be...
- [gasps]
- Kowalski: a vintage pass code lock
- Skipper: Excellent work, Kowalski. But can you open it?
- Kowalski: Well, it is state of the art hyper encryption technology... from 1963. Nailed it
- Skipper: Move in cautiously, men. Rico, ominous background music.
- Skipper: That voice... That steely gaze.
- Rockgut: You sugar puffs gonna stand there? Spill your tater tots. Where's the red squirrel?
- Skipper: The red squirrel. Then you really are... Special agent Buck Rockgut.
- Kowalski: The Buck Rockgut?
- Private: Um, is that - is that some famous, then?
- Private: Sweet ignorant Private, Buck Rockgut is our greatest american penguin hero. I've patterned my whole life after rotgut.
- Kowalski: The bird who brought down penguin enemy number one: The red squirrel and may I say, it is honor, sir.
- Rockgut: 86 the kiss-up, fauntleroy. let's get to brass tacks. I caught the squirrel, all right, but big red broke out, disappeared in the underground. so that's what I did too. 47 years I've been down in this bunker, waiting for the red squirrel to show his fluffy tail again. 47 years.
- Rockgut: 47 years?
- Rockgut: 47 years!
- Private: Do you think the red squirrel would have shown up by now?
- Skipper: Private.
- Rockgut: College boy, huh? You see that bunker door? It only open when the red squirrel returns. Is it open now, dough boy?
- Private: Yes.
- Rockgut: Then red is back and you four lollipops are gonna help me find him.