- Sheldon Cooper: You did this, didn't you?
- Wil Wheaton: You think I would really break up a couple just to win a bowling match?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I suppose not.
- Wil Wheaton: Good. Keep thinking that.
- Sheldon Cooper: [under his breath] Wheaton!
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, reminder. Bowling, tonight at seven o'clock.
- Penny: Oh, right. Bowling.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, you don't have to come if you don't want to.
- Penny: No, no, it's okay. I mean, let's face it, you guys would get creamed without me.
- Sheldon Cooper: We would indeed. In this particular case your lack of femininity works to our advantage.
- Penny: Always nice chatting with you, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Sarcasm?
- Penny: Thinly-veiled contempt.
- Sheldon Cooper: Remember: seven o'clock!
- Penny: Got it!
- Sheldon Cooper: Pacific Daylight Time.
- Penny: Bite me!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Could we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, how about this for a topic: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course they are. Leonard's being one.
- Sheldon Cooper: I so loathe you.
- Wil Wheaton: That's right, Sheldon. Embrace the dark side.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's not even from your franchise!
- Wil Wheaton: You're not still carrying a grudge because I beat you at that card tournament, are you?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm the proud owner of wilwheatonstinks.com, .net and .org. What does that tell you?
- Wil Wheaton: It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.
- [Points at Sheldon's head]
- Howard Wolowitz: What did you do, Romeo? Did you pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?
- Penny: Leonard, stop pressuring me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not pressuring you.
- Penny: Yeah, you are! Just back off!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll shut up.
- Penny: I didn't mean shut up.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Fine. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.
- Penny: No. That isn't fair to you, Leonard. I'm sorry.
- [she heads for the door]
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait! Where are you going? Penny, come back! I'll get you ice cream!
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, let her go.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you insane? If she leaves, it's over!
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm pretty sure it's already over.
- Raj Koothrappali: Ah, the premature "I love you."
- Howard Wolowitz: I guessed premature. Does that count?
- [last lines]
- Stuart: [on the phone] I'm telling you the Match.com chicks are much looser than on eHarmony. Uh, now I, I gotta call you back. I won a bet and it's time to collect.
- [Howard, Sheldon, Leonard and Raj enter the comic store dressed as Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, and Catwoman]
- Raj Koothrappali: I don't know about you, but I feel empowered.
- Wil Wheaton: After you.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, after you. As we are currently crushing you, Wesley.
- Wil Wheaton: It's customary for the player on the right lane to bowl first.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right.
- [as Sheldon prepares to bowl, Wil bowls his own ball; Wil gets a spare, while Sheldon throws a gutter ball]
- Wil Wheaton: [Sheldon stares at him, offended] It's a custom, not a rule.
- Sheldon Cooper: Be the ball, Howard.
- Howard Wolowitz: Leave me alone, Sheldon.
- [trying for a 7-10 split, Howard misses the pins]
- Sheldon Cooper: You weren't the ball.
- Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your momma! Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
- Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
- Sheldon Cooper: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.
- Sheldon Cooper: [as Wil picks up a spare] A common spare; the Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how it's really done.
- [picks up ball]
- Sheldon Cooper: I am the ball. My thoughts are its thoughts. Its holes are my holes.
- Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider Man. The Pope Paul V to my Galileo. The Internet Explorer to my Firefox.
- Sheldon Cooper: This is for you.
- Penny: Ice cream?
- Sheldon Cooper: I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip Cathy. When she's upset, she says "Ack!" and eats ice cream.
- Penny: Uuum... Ack!
- Sheldon Cooper: If you were a cat, I would've brought you a lasagna.
- [first lines]
- Penny: Having a little trouble catching your breath there?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, I'm good. If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for, I would have tried a lot harder.
- [chuckles]
- Penny: Do or do not. There is no try.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Did you just quote Star Wars?
- Penny: I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, my God. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda.
- [they kiss]
- Leonard Hofstadter: I love you, Penny.
- Penny: [pause] Oh. Oh. Thank you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You're welcome. I just wanted to put that out there.
- Penny: Oh, yeah, no, I, I'm, I'm glad.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Good. Good; glad is good.
- Penny: Yeah. Ahem. No, no. Um. So, it's getting pretty late. We should probably go to sleep.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah.
- Penny: Okay.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah.
- Penny: Hmm.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, probably.
- Penny: OK. Good night, sweetie.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Good night.
- [They kiss, then Penny rolls over and stares wide-eyed]
- Howard Wolowitz: I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.
- Sheldon Cooper: These are my own bowling shoes.
- Howard Wolowitz: Then what's with the disinfectant?
- Sheldon Cooper: I know where my feet have been.
- Raj Koothrappali: Beer. The magic elixir that can turn this poor, shy Indian boy into the life of the party.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Maybe I'm a little ahead of you. That's fine. In fact, it makes sense, 'cause let's face it, I've been in this relationship 2 years longer than you.