Hot in Cleveland (TV Series)

Pilot (2010)

Valerie Bertinelli: Melanie Moretti

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Melanie Moretti : Airplane mirrors aren't accurate, are they?

  Joy Scroggs : Of course not.

  Victoria Chase : They get them from fun houses.

• Melanie Moretti : What if he's missing me too and Los Angeles was filled with so many sad memories he's flying to Paris to fill a void in his life? What if this is *our* meet on top of the Empire State Building moment?

  Joy Scroggs : Have you been watching Sleepless in Seattle again?

  Melanie Moretti : No! Yes. But I got it down to once a month.

  Victoria Chase : You know, I was up for a part in that movie.

  Joy Scroggs : Course you were.

• Melanie Moretti : [about her ex]  I haven't even gone on a date yet and he's taking his fiancee to Paris. And she's so *young*. She's half my age.

  Victoria Chase : Mel, darling, that really isn't that young.

  Melanie Moretti : My *fake* age!

  Victoria Chase : Oh my God, she's a child!

  Joy Scroggs : I say we kill him and make his underage whore watch.

• Victoria Chase : [comforting Melanie after telling her her date is married]  Honey, what can we do?

  Joy Scroggs : Let's kill him!

  Melanie Moretti : That's your solution to everything.

  Joy Scroggs : Well, could we just try it once?

• Melanie Moretti : He showed me all around Cleveland, and I'm telling you it's nothing like we think. They have symphonies and museums and light opera - OK, so nobody really likes those things, but they have 'em.

• [last lines] 

  Joy Scroggs : So, are you OK, Mel?

  Melanie Moretti : Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good and you guys have a very early flight tomorrow, so please, just go to Paris and have a wonderful time.

  Joy Scroggs : I don't know. Somehow I can't seem to get excited about Paris any more. No Melanie.

  Victoria Chase : You know, Joy... instead of two weeks in Paris, we could spend two weeks in Cleveland; I mean, the Paris of Ohio.

  Elka Ostrovsky : No, that's Toledo.

  Joy Scroggs : So what should we do now?

  Melanie Moretti : I say we go to that bar where the men think we're hot.

  Elka Ostrovsky : I'll drive!