Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair (2009)
Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Chelsea : [Charlie doesn't understand how Chelsea can enjoy sex without having an orgasm every time] Are you asking me if I had an orgasm, Charlie?... No, I did not, but it doesn't matter. It was wonderful.
Charlie Harper : Were you at least close?
Chelsea : Yes, I was close.
Charlie Harper : Well, that's a start. Now, when you were close, what was I doin'?
Chelsea : You were downstairs, getting a beer.
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Charlie Harper : What is that?
Alan Harper : It's hair spray.
Charlie Harper : Really? Hair spray. Let me see it.
Alan Harper : No, leave me alone.
Charlie Harper : Then what's the big deal?
Alan Harper : It's not a big deal, just go away.
Charlie Harper : All right. But I need you out of the house tonight so I can be alone with Chelsea.
Alan Harper : Don't worry, I have a date.
Charlie Harper : Another internet hookup?
Alan Harper : Suavesingles.com. First month's free!
Charlie Harper : Must be how they keep out the riff-raff.
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Chelsea : Sex is not just about orgasms.
Charlie Harper : Oh, really! Then how are we s'posed to know when we're done?
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Charlie Harper : [snatching the hair spray can from Alan] "Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair. Guaranteed to cover bald spots".
Alan Harper : Well, it's not really a bald spot, I'm just getting a little thin on top.
Charlie Harper : So, you're painting your head?
Alan Harper : It's not paint. It's a specially-formulated, hair-like substance designed for the active man on the go.
Charlie Harper : Oh, you poor, gullible bastard.
Alan Harper : Gives me confidence.
Charlie Harper : Okay, fine. But what happens to your confidence when your date runs her fingers through your specially-formulated, hair-like substance?
Alan Harper : It's guaranteed not to smear, drip or ignite under normal circumstances.
Charlie Harper : So, you're gonna spend the rest of your life spray-painting your head like it's a freeway underpass?
Alan Harper : This is just a stopgap until the pills kick in.
Charlie Harper : [Picking up a vial of pills] What's this? Like Propecia?
Alan Harper : Better. Stronger. It's from Eastern Europe, where they don't have to worry about all of those pesky FDA regulations.