Left 4 Dead 2 (2009 Video Game)
Chad L. Coleman: Coach
Quotes
-
Ellis : ["Dark Carnival"; arriving at Kiddie Land] Holy *shit,* guys - KIDDIE LAND!
Coach : Sometimes, it feels like we *baby-sittin',* doe'n't it?
Rochelle : He *is* making the best of a bad situation.
Nick : [alt. line] He's like a five-year-old. With guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swearword in the English language.
Rochelle : [alt. line] I wish I could be that happy... ah, to hell with it. *WHOO! Kiddie Land!*
-
Coach : [killing a zombie] This used to be a *nice* neighborhood!
-
Coach : [reading CEDA notice] "Report unusual behavior"...
[Nick opens the cash register with his magnum, smirks]
Coach : "Barricade your homes"...
[Ellis opens up a weapon rack, a devilish grin spreading across his face]
Coach : "Avoid all contact with infected individuals"...
[Ellis passes a pistol to Rochelle, who is checking a map for any possible evac points]
Coach : "Wait for official instructions."
[laughs and throws paper away]
Coach : [getting up, walking to the camera's right with chocolate bar in hand] Wait, my ass.
Ellis : [camera reveals him to be fully-loaded: a first-aid kit, Grenade Launcher and Hunting Rifle strapped to his back; and holding a SPAS-12 combat shotgun] Kill all sons-a-bitches.
[cocks shotgun, grinning]
Ellis : That's *my* 'fficial instructions.
-
[ridden by a Jockey]
Coach : Jockey on me!
Coach : Jockey on my back!
Coach : Gah, that thing's on me!
Coach : Ellis - Ellis, is that you? What the hell?
Ellis : Get this off my *back!*
Ellis : I got a Jockey on me!
Ellis : Sum*bitch* is on my back!
Ellis : This ain't right havin' this THING on me!
Ellis : *Git* this *thing* - *off* - *me!*
Ellis : This thing is *ridin'* me!
Ellis : *Is this thing humpin' me?*
Nick : Shoot this thing on my back!
Rochelle : I can't see! This thing is on me!
Rochelle : It's on my face!
Rochelle : [struggling] Let go! *Let* *go!*
Rochelle : LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO!
[seeing a Jockey riding a fellow Survivor]
Coach : That ain't right for a man to be *ridden* like that.
Coach : *Damn*... that ain't right.
Ellis : Oh, looks like a monkey on a mule!
Ellis : Hey, where's that thing *goin'* with 'em?
Ellis : That's just humiliating!
Ellis : That don't look dignified!
Nick : Ten bucks says he takes 'em to the right.
-
Nick : ["Hard Rain": beginning] Wanna hear a prediction?
Ellis : Nope.
Coach : *No!*
Nick : There's not gonna *be* any gas. Watch.
[the group moves through the Burger Tank and reaches the gas station]
Coach : [reading the sign] Outta gas. *Shit.*
Nick : No gas. See, what'd I say?
Ellis : Looks like we're gonna have to walk to this Ducatel place.
Nick : What makes you think *they* still have gas?
Coach : 'Cause if they don't? We gonna be stuck here *forever,* Nick.
-
Coach : ["Dark Carnival"; Stadium saferoom] Okay, here's the plan. First, we look around for supplies. then we start the Midnight Riders' finale. It's all kinds of fireworks, smoke pots 'n' lights 'n' shit. That chopper pilot can't *miss* it!
Ellis : [barely able to contain his excitement] So we gotta set up to rock, and then fight zombies? This is the best day of my life!
Nick : Coach, that is about the stupidest idea I've ever agreed with. I've never seen the Midnight Riders, but okay - let's try it.
Coach : Then let's do it! Everybody grab a weapon and let's go!
-
Coach : ["The Parish"; reading graffiti that says, "Where's CEDA?"] Good question: where'n the hell *is* CEDA? 'Cause I'd sure like to *shoot* some-a their asses!
-
Ellis : ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Nick, what the hell? You shot the pilot!
Nick : Well, he wasn't doing a good job once he became a zombie, now, was he?
Coach , Rochelle : That's true. If I had to pick a low point in the flight, it was probably when he stopped flying the chopper and attacked us.
Ellis : [alt. line] True, true, he *was* a zombie, but he was also our *only pilot!*
Nick : I shot a *zombie.* He was a *zombie,* Ellis. He must've gotten bitten before he picked us up.
-
Soldier : ["The Parish": when the Survivors contact the army via radio at the Bridge] Bridge, are you immune?
Coach , Nick : We are NOT infected.
Soldier : Negative, Bridge. Are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the Infected?
Coach : [indignant] Encountered? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke, and eyeballs, and twenty other parts I don't even recognize! We are immune as SHIT!
Nick : [alt. line] Yeah, you could say that.
-
[Ellis follows the others into the elevator as Infected close in. A Smoker appears and lassoes Ellis with its tongue just he passes through the closing doors]
Ellis : Agh! What the he - ?
[Then a couple of Common Infected grab Ellis, keeping the doors from shutting]
Ellis : AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Nick : [grabbing Ellis and pulling him away] No!
Coach : [approaching with a chainsaw] God*damn*it! EAT THAT SHIT!
[Coach shreds through the Common Infected and the Smoker's tongue, pulling back just as the doors close]
-
Nick : [when the group finds a working elevator] Technically, you're not supposed to use an elevator in a fire. But that might not apply during a *zombie apocalypse.*
[the group enters the elevator, where one member hits the button for the lobby]
Nick : [as the doors shut] Nick. Name's Nick. You all did good. What're your names?
Coach : People just call me Coach.
Rochelle : [to Ellis] Hey. Name's Rochelle. You?
Ellis : Ellis. It's a pleasure to meet you, Rochelle.
-
Coach : ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Man, that was some shit, the pilot turning into a zombie right before our eyes... Nice shootin', Nick.
Nick : No problem, big guy. Sorry about the landing.
Coach : Ah, I've had worse landings... Actually, that's a lie to spare your feelings. That crash was pretty bad.
-
Nick : ["The Parish"; the group climbs out of a sewer... into the middle of an impound lot] Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch where you shoot!
Ellis : *Shit.* They all got alarms.
Rochelle : Careful, alarm cars everywhere...
Coach : Everybody take it slow, now...
[the group starts moving through the lot]
Nick : Careful... *careful... *
-
Coach : [cheering his teammates] All right, everybody, you are givin' a hundred-an'-ten percent!
-
Coach : [inside a Rescue Closet] Never had no code to ask for help before, but I do now! *HELP!*
-
Coach : Oh, yeah! Our goal is right next to the bridge! On the OTHER MOTHER-EFFIN' SIDE OF THE WATER!
-
Coach : ["Dead Center"; initial encounter with Infected in the Hotel] Y'all know what the hell these things are?
Nick : These don't look like people...
Ellis : Zombies are real! I *knew* them movies were true!
Rochelle : You hear about them, but... until you see them...
Nick : I dunno about you, but I'm killing these things.
Coach : It's them or us.
-
[when gooed by Spitter]
Coach : Wha - *SPIT!*
Coach : Damn Spitter got me!
Coach : God*dam*mit - GOO!
Ellis : I got Spitter shit on me!
Ellis : Ah, hell, man, Spitter goo!
Ellis : Goddamn GOO!
Nick : [multiple versions] I got hit by the burning goo shit!
Nick : God - *dam*mit, I'm - covered in goo!
Coach , Nick , Rochelle : Get outta the goo!
[gooed in "Dead Center"]
Coach : That female zombie jus' *spat* somethin' on me!
Coach : You have *got* to be *kiddin'* me...
Ellis : What the *hell?* 's he spittin' *fire?*
Ellis : Oh, great, now they're spittin' shit at us!
Ellis : Yo, somebody's gotta kill that zombie spittin' shit!
Nick : Ugh, what in the hell did that *thing* just *do?*
Nick : Ugh, *what* is this *shit* on me?
Nick : Ugh, *what* am I *covered* in?
Rochelle : Oh, geezus - this zombie spits burning shit!
-
Ellis : [as Coach and Nick catch up with Ellis and Rochelle on the deserted hotel roof] Hey, where is everybody? Hellooooo?
Rochelle : Oh, this is not happening...
Ellis : Anyone here?
Rochelle : [Three helicopters are seen flying away from the city] This isn't happening... this isn't happening...
Coach : [angered] Thought they were supposed to be savin' our asses!
Nick : Looks like there's been a change of plans...
-
Coach : ["Swamp Fever"; start of Plank Country] Shit, that pilot just *changed.* One minute, he was flyin' us to safety; the next, he was... well... I am pretty damn sure he was tryin'-a *eat* us.
-
Coach : [start of "Hard Rain"] We should be in an' outta here. Get the gas, get back to shore, signal Virgil with the flare gun in the gun bag. Then we should just, uh... um... aw, *hell.* Tell me *someone* brought the *gun bag!*
-
["Dead Center"; grabbed by a Smoker]
Coach : I'm all wrapped up!
Coach : Hey! Where'm I gettin' dragged off to?
Ellis : Augh, I've been *lassoed!*
Ellis : I can't move - *help* - !
Ellis : I'm gettin' dragged away!
Ellis : Augh, where's this thing draggin' me?
Nick : What's this *shit?*
Nick : What th - ah, *gross shit!*
Nick : Freaking TONGUE?
Rochelle : Oh, shit! What the hell is goin' on?
-
[pummeled by a Charger]
Coach , Ellis , Nick , Rochelle : CHARGER'S GOT ME!
Coach : Shoot this damn Charger!
Coach : Goddamn - *one-a y'all gonna shoot this thing?*
Coach : Don't stan' there! Kill this thing!
Coach : Charger's - *poundin'* me into the ground!
Ellis : Charger's rippin' me UP!
Ellis : *Kill* this *thing!*
Ellis : *Shoot* the damn thing!
Ellis : Just *shoot it!* SHOOT IT!
Nick : Could somebody shoot this *goddamn thing?*
Nick : Shoot the big guy poundin' me into the ground!
Rochelle : [grunts in pain] Don't *bash;* shoot!
Rochelle : Shoot it, shoot it, shoot this thing!
Rochelle : I ain't playin' with this thing, *help!*
-
[friendly fire]
Coach : Oh - excuse me? *EXCUSE ME?*
Coach : I swear to god you can't shoot worth shit!
Coach : There's gonna be some biblical shit happenin' to you if you do that again!
Coach : Young'un, stop that shit.
Coach : [angrily] Man - I swear to *GOD* you can't... *SHOOT* worth *SHIT!*
Coach : Shootin' *me?* That's some *crazy* shit.
Coach : You do know you shootin' me, right?
Coach : Look - try shootin' some damn zombies instead-a *me!*
Coach : Are you outta yo *mind,* shootin' at me?
Coach : Will you cut that shit out?
Coach : YO! Stop shootin' me, alright?
Coach : GODDAMMIT STOP SHOOTIN' ME!
Coach : Oh, hell NO. Do NOT shoot me!
Coach : Do that again an' I'll come back on ya!
Coach : Man, you *shot* me?
-
Coach : ["Dead Center"; the group's elevator has reached ground level, which is mostly engulfed in flames] Hit the button before this turns into a bad idea.
-
Coach : ["Hard Rain"; in the Witch-infested sugarmill] What the hell do *they* got to cry about? *We're* the ones gettin' attacked...!
-
Coach : ["The Passing" - Streets saferoom] I heard all about this under-the-river tour. Supposed to be pretty damn good! Real educational.
Nick : So let me get this straight: it's a *tunnel*... under the river, right?
Coach : You damn right. Under a river.
Nick : And this is supposed to teach me about *what,* exactly?
Coach : Uhh... historical shit? Man, how'm I supposed to know? I ain't been there yet!
-
[when chased by a Witch]
Coach : The bitch is chasin' me!
Coach : Run! Run! Witch comin' through!
Coach : Shoot the Witch, *shoot the Witch!*
Coach : Oh, shit. WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!
Ellis : Comin' through! Witch on my ass!
Ellis : Run, I pissed 'er off!
Ellis : WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!
Nick : [2 versions] Ahhhhh I *pissed the Witch off!*
Nick : This bitch is chasin' me!
Nick : Witch coming! Witch coming!
Nick : Shoot the Witch! Shoot the Witch! Shoot the Witch! *What are you doing? Shoot her!*
Rochelle : My bad, my bad, my bad!
Rochelle : Kill the damn thing!
["The Passing"; when chased by the Witch bride]
Coach : Ugly bride is chasin' me, man! Ugly bride is chasin' me!
Coach : Kill the bride! Kill the bride!
Ellis : Runaway bride, RUNAWAY BRIDE!
Ellis : Help here! Here comes the bride!
Ellis , Nick : Here comes the bride!
Rochelle : Ohhh, I've pissed off another bride!
-
Coach : ["Dark Carnival"; at the carousel] A'ight, this is gonna open the gate, and *what* the hell else?
Nick : You know what? Somehow, I think it's gonna activate everything else around here.
[They open the gate, activating the carousel]
Coach : Ahh *damn,* the merry-go-round started!
Coach : [alt. line] *Shit,* that thing's makin' a racket!
[They start running their way to the switch, amid hordes of Infected]
Ellis : Turn that damn thing off!
-
Coach : ["Dark Carnival"; after reentering the Tunnel of Love from the maintenance area] I don't remember the Tunnel of Love bein' *this* long... I musta had somethin' else on my mind.
Coach : [soon after; sounding uneasy] Hm. Shit. First time I ever couldn't *wait* to get out of the Tunnel of Love.
-
["Swamp Fever"; the group finds a dead parachutist]
Coach : Shit. Why would you ever jump out of a plane?
Ellis : What's a parachutist doin' out here?
Ellis : Why would he parachute out here?
[later, they come across a crashed passenger plane]
Coach : All right. *Now* I understand why you would jump out of a plane.
Coach : Looks like we weren't the only people crashin' today.
Coach : Nick, you didn't shoot this pilot too, didya?
Ellis : Holy *shit*... Well, this explains our parachutist.
Ellis : Had to be *scary* to be on this flight.
Nick : I guess walking isn't so bad.
-
[friendly fire, character/gender-specific]
Coach : Li'l sister, you got to learn to shoot.
Coach : Girl, you got to learn to shoot.
Coach : Boy, quit pointin' that thing my way.
Coach : Nicolas. I thought you knew how to use a gun.
Coach : Hey, Nick: that was my *ass* you shot.
Coach : *Quit shootin' me, Nick!*
Coach : Ellis! Settle down, boy. You shot me.
Coach : Ellis! I'll take that gun away from ya!
Coach : Ellis, *you are shootin' me!*
Coach : Ellis, *dam*mit - ya shot me!
Coach : Ro! What's gotten into ya, girl?
Coach : Ro! You know *damn* well better than that!
-
Whitaker : [the survivors have entered Whitaker's gun shop and started to take weapons. He speaks over the intercom from the floor above] Hello there. Now, normally when four bloodstained looters break into my store, I would shoot them where they stand. But you happen to have caught me at an opportune time. Take what weapons you need and come on upstairs. I reckon we can come to an accordance. I'm guessing you four'd be heading to the mall for rescue. And I further guess you won't get there, as the road is blocked. I know because I watched CEDA block it. So here's what I propose: I've barricaded myself on the roof with provisions and guns enough to kill every zombie in the city five times over, and eat well while I'm doing it. But in my haste I forgot to pack cola. Cola and nuts is a weakness of mine-though I do not love it so much that I'd be fool enough to die in the attempt to procure it. So here is my proposition: If you go find me some cola at yonder food store, I'll clear that CEDA blockade for you.
Ellis : I can understand that. Man needs his snacks.
[quietly]
Ellis : Man, this guy's weird.
[alt. line]
Ellis : Sir, in exchange for the use of your weapons, I will get you some Cola.
[alt. line]
Ellis : Cola for guns; I think this is like the reverse of what my school did.
Coach : [one possible line] I have never killed zombies on a snack run, but today is a day of firsts. If you don't mind us using your guns to do it, we're good to go.
[alt. line]
Coach : Cola and nuts? Could go for some myself. Better not be diet cola because that I will not do.
Whitaker : No, sir. Diet don't get the right flavor. I better not see no cherry neither. It's straight cola or no deal.
-
Coach : [in the safe room of the bridge, which has been their ultimate destination all along] All right, all right, all right. We gonna stroll across that bridge, and the army's gonna take care of us.
Nick : [remembering the murdered and uninfected corpses they saw earlier, from the military trying to prevent the spread of the disease] Or, they're going to line us up against a wall and shoot us.
Coach : Well, you free to make yourself a new life right here in this room, Nick.
Nick : Okay, all right, let's go.
Nick : [alternate line] Before we run across this bridge right toward the people who've been dropping bombs on us, anyone wanna talk about a Plan B?
Coach : No.
[or]
Coach : Nah. We good.
Nick : Okay, all right, let's go.
-
Virgil : [dropping the survivors off in Ducatel to fetch some diesel for his boat] Now I'll throw the anchor just off the shore, waitin' for ya. Signal at me when you get the gas.
Rochelle : This should be easy. We just need to grab some diesel.
Nick : You wanna hear a prediction?
Coach : [emphatically] No.
Nick : There's not going to be any gas. Watch.
-
Coach : [hearing the radio] Those sound like soldiers! Somebody talk to 'em.
Nick : [alt. line] Hey, those are soldiers! Let's let 'em know we're here.
Nick : [picks up the radio] Um, Hello?
Ellis : [if Ellis picks up] Hello there!
Papa Gator : Rescue 7, that's coming from the bridge! Bridge, identify yourself.
[or]
Papa Gator : Bridge! Who is this?
Rochelle : This is someone who could use some help.
Coach : [if Coach answers] Hey! There's four of us on the bridge!
Nick : [if Nick answers] My name's Nick. There's four of us on the... on the west end of the bridge.
Ellis : [if Ellis answers] Name's Ellis! You?
[alternate line]
Ellis : Four people that could use some help, sir.
[alternate line]
Ellis : Uh, well well, shit, I'm Ellis, I got Rochelle here with me. Coach, and Nick.
Rochelle : [if Rochelle answers] Uh, sorry for using the radio, but, we are four survivors on the bridge.
[or just]
Rochelle : Four survivors on the bridge!
[or]
Rochelle : This is someone who could use some help!
Papa Gator : Bridge, are you immune?
Coach , Nick , Rochelle : [Coach, Nick, and Rochelle all say this line in different ways if they were the one who picked up the radio] We are NOT infected.
Ellis : [if Ellis answered] I ain't *sick*...!
[alt. line]
Ellis : I'm feelin' pretty good.
[or]
Ellis : I guess. I think so... Whaddya mean?
Rochelle : [if Rochelle answered] We're not infected! Listen, we...
[she is interrupted]
Papa Gator : [response to any of them] Negative Bridge. Are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the infected?
Coach : *Encountered*? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke and eyeballs and twenty other parts I don't even recognize. We are immune as SHIT.
Rochelle : Yeah, yes, yes, we are immune.
[or an alternate line]
Rochelle : Okay. We just ran up here covered in blood getting chased by zombies. Do you *think* we've encountered infected? LET US THROUGH THE DAMN BRIDGE!
Nick : [if Nick answered] Yeah, you could say that.
Ellis : [if Ellis answered] We fought zombies, yeah!
[or]
Ellis : Well hell, yeah, we fought zombies!
Papa Gator : Rescue Seven, are you equipped for carriers?
Rescue 7 : Affirmative, Papa Gator.
Papa Gator : Bridge, we have pulled out of that sector. Your only remaining pickup is available on the other end of the bridge. Our last chopper is leaving in ten minutes. You need to lower the span and get across the bridge. God be with you.
[alternate line]
Papa Gator : Bridge, that sector is clear of friendlies. Your only remaining pickup is on the east bank of the bridge. Our last chopper is leaving in ten minutes. You need to lower the span and get across to the east end. Be advised, the bridge is crawling with Whiskey Deltas.
[or]
Papa Gator : Be advised, the bridge is crawling with infected.
[end line]
Papa Gator : Good luck./Good luck, Bridge./God be with you, Bridge.
Coach : I hear ya, man. See ya soon.
[alt. line]
Coach : We gotcha. We used to that shit by now.
[alt. line]
Coach : Wind up the chopper, because here we come.
[alt. line]
Coach : We're on our way.
Nick : [if Nick turns on the bridge] You heard the man, let's get across the goddamn bridge.
Ellis : [if Ellis turns on the bridge] Allright, he says we gotta lower the bridge, be careful of the zombies, and they'll be waiting on the other side. Oh yeah - and he wishes us good luck.
