How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Playbook (2009)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lily Aldrin : I had Shelley reserved for Ted for three years!

  Barney Stinson : Well, he didn't miss much. She's brainy and whiny and boring in bed. Hey, maybe she is perfect for Ted.

• Barney Stinson : The Playbook contains every scam, con, hustle, hoodwink, gambit, flimflam, strategem and bamboozle I've ever used, or I've ever hoped to use, to pick up chicks and give'em a business.

• Girl : [the play SNASA]  Wow! You're an astronaut?

  Barney Stinson : Shhh! I'm actually in a top-secret government space program called Secret NASA, or SNASA.

  Girl : Wow. SNASA? Do you go to the moon and stuff?

  Barney Stinson : Well, not the moon you're familiar with. Though I have been to the smoon.

  Girl : Wow, the smoon.

• Barney Stinson : Every woman in New York! Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers lock up your daughters, daughters lock up your MILSWANCA.

  Marshall Eriksen : MILSWANCA?

  Ted Mosby : Oh I got it, Mothers I Like To Sleep With And Never Call Again

  Barney Stinson : Correct! Circle gets a square.

• Barney Stinson : Don't drink that!

  Christy : Why not?

  Barney Stinson : I saw a guy put something in that drink.

  Christy : Really? Who?

  Barney Stinson : [Points at Ted]  That guy.

  [Bartender tackles Ted] 

• Girl : [Barney demonstrates the play "The My Penis Grants Wishes"]  Really? A genie comes out of it?

  Barney Stinson : Only if you rub it hard enough.

• Barney Stinson : None of these are cheap tricks. Except for The Cheap Trick.

  [Cut to Barney dressed as a rocker] 

  Barney Stinson : Yeah, I'm the bass player for Cheap Trick.

  Barney Stinson : [Back to reality]  And even that requires expensive hair extensions.

• Barney Stinson : Guys, code red, emergency, lockdown! Nobody's leaving.

  Robin Scherbatsky : What happened?

  Barney Stinson : I tried the "He's Not Coming", and it worked, gangbusters. You should have seen this girl. Bang! Ping! Padow! Gadonk!

  Robin Scherbatsky : Okay, I'm leaving.

  Barney Stinson : So, we get up to my place, and I go into my room to set up the camera... to light the candles. And when I come out, she's gone, and so is The Playbook. I think we all know who is responsible for this.

  Lily Aldrin : Yeah, we do.

  Barney Stinson : Yeah. Al-Qaeda.

• Lily Aldrin : Barney, I've got half a mind to take that playbook and put it up on the internet for the whole world to see.

  Barney Stinson : You wouldn't.

  Lily Aldrin : I won't, as long as you agree to no more scams, no more cons, no more hustles, no more hoodwinks, no more gambits, no more stratagems, and no more bamboozles.

  Barney Stinson : [long pause]  I notice you left out flimflam?

  Lily Aldrin : No more flimflam!

  Barney Stinson : Damn it!