Men of a Certain Age (TV Series)
How to Be an All-Star (2010)
Ray Romano: Joe Tranelli
Quotes
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Owen Thoreau Jr. : I don't know about the rest of you fellas, but I will be having sexual relations tonight.
Joe Tranelli : Oh. Mm-hmm.
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Both boys at a sleepover. Yes, sir!
Joe Tranelli : Mm-hm.
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Mm!
Joe Tranelli : Give the one year old a little cold medicine and go to town, right?
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Oh, yeah, I will be going to town.
Terry Elliott : Look how excited you are. Is sex that rare?
Owen Thoreau Jr. : On the contrary. Melissa and I enjoy each other's company on a regular basis.
Terry Elliott : Regular?
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Mm-hmm.
Terry Elliott : He just about shot a Roman candle out of his pants.
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Joe Tranelli : What are you averaging these days?
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Per month? Um, it could be anywhere from, uh, one to, I don't know, fifteen.
Joe Tranelli : Fifteen?
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Mm-hmm.
Joe Tranelli : Married man, kids. Fifteen times a month.
Owen Thoreau Jr. : Mm-hmm.
Terry Elliott : You know, solos don't count.
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Joe Tranelli : [showing Dory his hotel room] All right, where should we start? Uh... well, here's the, uh, kitchen.
Dory : Now, see, you could have made us a nice romantic breakfast right here.
Joe Tranelli : Next time, I'll do that. Yeah. I hope you like corn flakes out of your own hand.
[she laughs]
Joe Tranelli : All right, this is the living room/office/place where I sit naked and cry.
[she laughs again]
Joe Tranelli : Uh, you want to see the bedroom?
Dory : Uh, aren't we in it?
Joe Tranelli : No.
[he moves her a few steps towards the bed]
Joe Tranelli : There we go. Now you're in it.
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Joe Tranelli : This is cool. You're the... you're the first woman in my bedroom, if you don't count the lady who puts the mint on my pillow.
Dory : Your music might have something to do with that.
Joe Tranelli : I'm gonna ignore that.
[she laughs]
Joe Tranelli : 'Cause I'm not above kicking your ass.
Dory : [she laughs and they kiss] Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you try.
