- Dr. Leo Spaceman: Now this is surgery, so don't eat anything before you come in. Because I'll have a big breakfast waiting for you.
- Jack Donaghy: Tracy Jr. made you an acrostic.
- Tracy Jordan: Well I hope he makes me an 'across helmet so I don't get hurt playin' 'across.
- Al Gore: You know, there's an old African proverb that I made up: "If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
- Frank Rossitano: Hey, Tracy! Now you can tell me your filthy strip club story.
- Tracy Jordan: Frank, I'm gonna have a daughter and I would never tell that story. It's demeaning to women. Especially if they had their boobies sneezed on by a tiger.
- Bertram Geiss: I will fight my sister tooth and nail to get what I deserve. Because I, Bertram Geiss, am still Daddy's fancy boy!
- Dr. Leo Spaceman: A vasectomy is a very serious decision. I want to make sure you've both thought this through.
- Jack Donaghy: I have, I've thought about it, and I've decided I don't want to have children.
- Dr. Leo Spaceman: [Checks off box] Family planning. And what about you, Tracy?
- Tracy Jordan: "The Cosby Show" lied to me.
- Dr. Leo Spaceman: [chuckles] I don't think there's a box for that on the form. Uh, what about "Cheers' lied to me"? OK.
- Liz Lemon: Is that a working fireplace?
- Brian: Yeah, but it it's kind of annoying. I can't shut the flue, so the apartment smells like Burger King all day and Cinnabon all night.
- Liz Lemon: [Liz swoons] Yeah, I just came up here to make sure you're staying. Ruining things for those creeps who are trying to make duplexes for their imaginary children and their imaginary husband, Astronaut Mike Dexter.
- Liz Lemon: [speaking loudly on cue] Sorry, I forgot you'd be home now, Brian!
- Dot Com: [outside the front door] Elizabeth? I know you're in there!
- Liz Lemon: Oh, no, it's my crazy black boyfriend, Astronaut Mike Dexter!
- Dot Com: You better not be with a man, even if he's gay!
- Liz Lemon: [lets Dot Com into the apartment] Mike, no. I don't even know why I'm letting you in when you're in this unreasonable state. Don't get angry and jealous even though *Brian* is the one who convinced me to move on.
- Dot Com: I'm going to be coming by all the time, getting jealous, taking things out of context. That dude, Brian, would be happier moving out!
- Brian: OK, everybody just calm down.
- Dot Com: I feel angry! Like Warren Moon must have felt back in 1995!
- Liz Lemon: As I have told you *many times* during our relationship, *no one* gets that reference.
- [Brian hits Dot Com in the legs with his police club]
- Dot Com: Oh, Lord!
- Brian: NYPD, stay on the ground!
- Liz Lemon: A gay, hipster cop? You're an interesting guy, Brian.
- Jack Donaghy: I know this sounds ugly, but with Manhattan real estate there are no rules. It's like check-in at an Italian airport.
- Liz Lemon: Don't feel guilty for a second. This is Manhattan real estate. There are no rules. Like check-in at an Italian sex party.