Nuclear Family (2021) User Reviews

Complicated

[staciarose20 · 7/10 · 5 October 2021]

This is an interesting true life story. Sad and very complicated. Early on I figured out what happened to Tom without Googling. When people are sick they tend to want family nearby, for someone to remember them. Especially children. Besides his partner's influence, perhaps this caused him to fight for custody. I understand completely why the moms were so scared and protective. It shouldn't have happened that way.

Worth watching only if you watch it all the way through the third episode

[bowieec · 8/10 · 12 October 2021]

I got through the straightforward backstory episodes 1 and 2, swayed by the documentarian, who was the child at the center of this custody battle (and an accomplished episodic tv director in her own right), to feel a certain way towards the parties involved. But episode 3 turns the whole event and fallout on its head, adds a completely new perspective, and changes the way you see this story, and possibly your feelings toward the different parties involved. I remember this story from my teenage years. But I only ever saw the quick news stories and maybe a few talk show appearances with the mothers and the daughter in the middle of it all. This documentary adds context and perspective. It also shows that winning a custody battle can be a tragically pyrrhic victory. I recommend this series as a whole.

Interesting Documentary

[spinitsugar · 6/10 · 4 October 2021]

This documentary was very interesting in the sense that it provided a look into the world of same sex parenting and the struggle to for it to be recognized as a legitimate form of parenting. I did find the treatment of Tom to be rather cruel. While I understand that he broke the agreement, I feel the film really deemphasizes the fact that the mothers brought him into Ry's life. He didn't seek out the relationship initially; it was the mothers inability, and specifically Russo's to handle the children's questions about where they came from and who their father was that led them into the mess that ensued.

Mediocre Custody Story

[myronlearn · 6/10 · 11 October 2021]

This three part disjointed series dealt with custody issues between a gay male donor and a lesbian couple who raised the child. The donor was selected by the lesbian couple as he was a good friend, nice looking and extremely bright. Once he decided to sue for partial custody all hell broke loose. I was initially sympathetic to the women, but grew to feel compassion for the father who, in my opinion, was treated shabbily. Whatever, this documentary, done by the child in question (now an adult) could have been done a whole lot better.

What were they thinking?

[aarpcats · 8/10 · 3 January 2022]

Ry Russo, the daughter of two moms, examines her childhood and the groundbreaking custody battle that erupted when her sperm donor father tried to gain custody of her. The custody battle only ends when her father dies of AIDS. Russo sets off to understand the case, why her mothers cut her father out of her life, and why her father withdrew his petition.

First of all, it is difficult to understate how naive (and arrogant) the mothers were in assuming that there would be no complications in getting a friend to be a sperm donor. They could have easily gotten sperm from a sperm bank (yes, they existed in the 1970s) and gotten the kind of uninvolved donor they wanted. However, they wanted a kind of fantasy of two gay women using a gay man to create a "new kind" of family,

Their sperm donor was every bit as naive as they were. He signed away his rights, and then assumed that he could participate in the child's life as he pleased.

Guess what is missing here? Not one of the three people involved in conceiving the child seemed to have any idea that she would become a living and breathing person with her own needs and wants as a human being. The two women wanted to protect their idea of what a family was and, when the man began to get sick from AIDS, he wanted to know his daughter.

When the daughter confronts the mothers with the reality that, by fighting to keep the man out of her life, she was robbed of a father, the women stare blankly at her tears. Then they tell her that they didn't want him in their world.

You know, but it was okay to accept his sperm and bring him on vacations with them.

Russo can't confront her father because he is dead. However, her inquiries help her quickly understand that being an attorney may have made him more invested in winning against her moms than actually getting her.

We all make mistakes as parents, and these three made some doozies. They did it at a time before same sex marriage which made the risks they were taking enormous. And they all made it worse by being inflexible and litigious. All three of them were terrified of losing their daughter.

It's painful to see the weight of the conflict on Russo's family as she looks at the ripple effect on her sister, the survivors in her father's family, and the hurt she still carries. It's equally painful to see how defensive the mothers are in response.

It's a great documentary, a good reminder of why this country needed the equal rights afforded to parents and spouses in same sex marriage, and a reminder that kids aren't objects who belong to their parents.

What constitutes a "family"?

[paul-allaer · 7/10 · 30 September 2021]

"Nuclear Family" (2021 release; 3 episodes of about 60 min each) is a documentary mini-series. As Episode 1 opens, Sandra Russo and Robin Young introduce themselves: "I'm your mother", Russo says to the interviewer (and director) Ry Russo-Young. "And I'm your mother too", adds Young. We then go back in time to 1979, as these ladies retell how they met and fell heads over heels for each other and very soon moved in together. Through two sperm donors, each of them has a baby girl. The sperm donors agree to waive all rights (and obligations)... At this point we are 10 min into the opening episode.

Couple of comments: this is the latest film from Ry Russo-Young ("Before I Fall", "The Sun Is Also a Star"). Here she examines her own life and background, being raised by two moms in the early 80s when that was anything but normal/accepted, even in New York. Both sperm donors are in California, and gave up all parenting and visitation rights, but as luck would have it, they are both on great terms with Russo and Young, and in particular Tom (biological father of Ry) develops strong a strong bond with Ry. What could possibly go wrong? This in turn leads to the question: who/what constitutes a family? Obviously the film maker has unfettered access to her moms, and the series (or at least Episode 1) plays out mostly from that perspective. I can't wait to see the remaining two episodes.

"Nuclear family" premiered last Sunday on HBO and Episode 1 is now available on HBO on Demand, HBO Max and other streaming platforms. New episodes air on Sunday evenings at 10 pm Eastern time. If you have any interest in LGTBQ and related social issues, I'd readily suggest you check this out and draw your own conclusion.

Delivered from a child's growing understanding of a family dynamic that was undefined at the time

[rainbojedi · 10/10 · 17 November 2021]

This documentary takes you on a journey into Ry's childhood and shows it to you like a time line. Then is circles back and delves deeper into what was actually happening with the adults. In the end you get to see some self-reflection on everyone's true feelings. After several decades of hard fought for LGBT rights, our perspective on "family" is different than the 80s/90s. This is a hard story of trying to build a family and having to fight to keep it together. It grapples with the hard fact that donors "donate" and knowingly enter into an agreement where they have no rights. BUT, when you look into your baby's eyes, you know them. Sometimes there's a connection you never expected. When facing your own mortality, do you fight to keep seeing someone that you love in a way that you love no other? I hope Ry turns those years of grief into a memory about fierce love for her on both sides. Her moms had to hold the line, as lawyers they all knew they were setting precedents. They had to be the ones to define their family. Unfortunately Tom didn't have time to wait.

Beautifully told yet leaves you slightly heartbroken

[alexandriadckrsn · 10/10 · 27 April 2022]

Not many folks, regardless of the specific issue, have the opportunity to investigate the incidents/events that occurred in their childhood that deeply impacted their life trajectory and development into the adults they ultimately became. This is the story of a grown woman who has had the opportunity to reflect, by way of direct interviews with the adults involved at the time, on events/choices/incidents that occurred around (because let's be honest as a child she didn't really have a say in the matter) around her that deeply impacted and ultimately shaped the woman she grew to be. It's a heartfelt tale and you can truly feel her own complicated and conflicting feelings that she has toward the whole scenario as she looks back on it as an adult. The story, although she is at the center, is in my opinion told transparently and without bias; case in point there are several moments that I almost despise her parents for "cutting" her bio-dad out of the picture during her childhood... and these are the women that raised her! The director does not shy away from the hard parts of the story and is not afraid to challenge her parents to question if what they did was in her best interest or in theirs... which is in reality a testament to her parents upbringing as they too faced many challenges they had to stand up and face to even be a family in the first place. In the end I loved this piece and it's brutal honesty and reflection on what defines a family and I am grateful for the directors empathic point of view. In the end, there were no villains, no side that was right or wrong... there were only people who loved their family (however you define it) and fought for what they believed was right/best for that family. All in the name of love.

What's with the bad reviews?

[readmorenow · 10/10 · 11 December 2021]

This documentary tells the story of a family nearly torn apart. The filmmaker, also the main character, tells the tale with grace and intelligence. It's moving and compelling and is well worth a watch.

Was I the only one who saw this...

[LoveFilmYesterday · 1/10 · 8 May 2023]

Was I the only one who when watching this was completely appalled at the level at which Robin and Russo LIED in the court documents and staged their house like Ry's father never was there? This is grounds for having Russo and all the other lawyers on the case disbarred, because deliberate lying on court documents or being a complete accessory to it is grounds for this. There are no words anymore that mean anything if there is sympathy for COMPLETE LIARS. The term "narcissist" was never mentioned...not once. Ry had a nervous breakdown and was still dealing with it, because EVERYTHING in her life was about "the lawsuit" in one way or another. I say this because the fact is that when a woman only thinks of what she wants without regards for anyone else, it's a sign that she never understood what being a mother actually is.

Informative Complicated Modern Story

[Erik-Movie-Reviews · 8/10 · 26 June 2023]

This Documentary was a lot better than expected and really provides an insight into a type of Nuclear Family that has not existed for very long or one that many people may know much about. After watching the Documentary the viewer understands how complicated some issues, that are taken for granted in traditional families, can be in same sex families.

Overall, the Documentary is very balanced and provides a very honest and open look into the damage that custody battles have on children as well as every other personal involved. It's a sad story without any villains and can best be summarized with the. Dave Mason lyrics:

"There ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy There's only you and me and we just disagree"

Good Documentary.

Interesting topic - narrow delivery

[elwood187 · 4/10 · 6 October 2021]

We need to hear Tom's side of the story. I feel this series is too one sided in regards to Tom's defense. I feel like he is also a sperm donor in that he's anonymous.