The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Pirate Solution (2009)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

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Quotes 

• Penny : [to Leonard]  Hi, honey.

  Howard Wolowitz : Oh, we're honey now, are we?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, since their relationship became carnal, Penny has upgraded his term of endearment, thus distinguishing him from those she calls sweetie, usually in an attempt to soften a thinly-veiled insult.

  Penny : You're boring people, sweetie.

  Sheldon Cooper : Although sometimes she omits the veil entirely.

• Raj Koothrappali : You want me to work with you.

  Sheldon Cooper : For me. You're going to have to listen more carefully when you're on the job.

  Raj Koothrappali : Okay, please don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather swim buck naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow, agonizing death from a viral infection than work with you.

  Sheldon Cooper : *For* me.

• Sheldon Cooper : I took another look at the board, and I realized you were right.

  Raj Koothrappali : So you were wrong.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm not saying that.

  Raj Koothrappali : That's the only logical inference.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm still not saying it.

• Raj Koothrappali : I've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you.

  Sheldon Cooper : *For* me.

  Raj Koothrappali : Yes, *for* you. I do however have a few conditions. First, at all times I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal. Second, my contributions shall be noted in all published materials. And third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm impressed, Raj. Those are very cogent and reasonable conditions.

  Raj Koothrappali : Thank you.

  Sheldon Cooper : I reject them all.

• Leonard Hofstadter : I've always been a little confused about this. Why don't Hindus eat beef?

  Raj Koothrappali : We believe cows are gods.

  Sheldon Cooper : Not technically. In Hinduism, cattle are thought to be *like* god.

  Raj Koothrappali : Do not tell me about my own culture, Sheldon! In the mood I'm in, I'll take you out - I swear to cow!

• Sheldon Cooper : Forgive me. You know I am not adept at reading facial cues, but I am going to take a stab here. You are either sad or nauseated.

  Raj Koothrappali : I'm sad.

  Sheldon Cooper : I was going to say sad! I don't why I hedged.

• Leonard Hofstadter : What do you mean he's getting deported?

  Sheldon Cooper : I believe it means the U.S. government is going to expel him from the country. He could return to India, immigrate to another country willing to accept him or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate. Personally, I'd choose pirate.

• Sheldon Cooper : And you continued to take the university's money under false pretenses? Highly unethical for an astrophysicist... but practically mandatory for a pirate.

• Sheldon Cooper : Bazinga. You've fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes. I'm your boss now, you may want to laugh at that.

• Raj Koothrappali : If we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt.

  Sheldon Cooper : English is your native language.

  Raj Koothrappali : Okay, you got me there.