Burnie Burns: Pvt. Leonard L. Church

Quotes 

• Tucker : [Talking about who will go on the 'Quest for the Sword'. Church and Tex admit that they aren't going]  What? Then who?

  [Looks at Caboose] 

  Tucker : No fuckin' way. I'm not going with him!

  Caboose : Oh, oh, oh. I hope we meet a cleric along the way! None of us know how to heal.

  The Alien : Blaar Honk.

  Andy The Bomb : [Translating]  He says he's a healer.

  Caboose : Oh, good!

  Andy The Bomb : Heh heh. Not really. They eat their wounded.

  [Andy continues to snigger] 

  Caboose : Just like chiropractors...

  Tucker : This is a JOKE, right? You're sending Caboose? What's wrong with you?

  Church : What's wrong with me? I saw a chance to get rid of Caboose and I took it. There's nothing wrong with me!

  Caboose : [Completely not paying attention to what the others are saying]  Okay, so... um... Tucker's the fighter... ah... Crunchbite is the healer... And I am the powerful, and intelligent, wizard: Morphumax.

  Andy The Bomb : What the hell does that make me?

  Caboose : You're the good looking and stealthy archer.

  Andy The Bomb : A bow and arrow? I don't have any arms, you freakin' moron!

  Caboose : That is what makes you so stealthy.

• Church : You have GOT to be kidding me. There is no way I'm gonna let this happen

  Tex : I told you, he can do it.

  Andy The Bomb : Yeah, I'm qualified.

  Church : Listen, I don't DOUBT that he can do it; I doubt that I WANT him to do it.

  Andy The Bomb : Why?

  Church : Well, you know what, Andy? You're not the most diplomatic of individuals.

  Andy The Bomb : That's bullshit! You're only saying that cause you're a racist.

  Church : Raci - ? BOMBS are not a race!

  Andy The Bomb : Ah, shut up, ya dirty shisno.

  Church : We finally make contact with an alien being, and our first attempt at communication is gonna be through a BOMB? Am I the only person who has a problem with this?

  Andy The Bomb : Well unless you got your "English to Blarg-Blarg" dictionary, I don't think you got a choice, now do ya?

  Caboose : I had one of those. But I threw it out. It didn't have many pictures.

  Tex : I'm sure it'll be fine.

  Church : You know, I feel like I'm gonna regret this, but I feel even more that I just don't care, and that watching this whole thing unravel might be kind of interesting. Go for it.