Private Gold 236: Newton, Genius and Stud

Private Media, one of the world's longest-running porn providers, has recently gone over nearly exclusive to producing gonzo content, but this amusing sex comedy on an unlikely subject (Sir Isaac Newton as overlooked sex symbol (!) is a welcome reminder of how Adult Entertainment used to look.

Private tapped UK director Gazzman, whose 2003 release "Scottish Love Knot" remains the finest movie ever released by the label, to helm the fake story of Isaac Newton, shot on authentic looking Eastern European locations with attractive costumes and period styling.

Story is told by a descendant of Sir Isaac, Clarke Kent, who adds wry humor to the show, about one level below Benny Hill in subtlety. Interestingly enough, the actor also looks just like portraits of Newton.

His lover Anny Aurora (the Euro beauty recently cast in prominent American roles) gives him a book about Newton's sex life, and Clarke fantasizes himself as Newton for us to enjoy his peculiar sexual adventures.

Running gag is lowbrow and highly effective, as Newton gets the inspiration for his Law of Gravitation when he humps Alice Wayne in a coffee house, her mammoth natural droopy breasts captivating his attention. "What goes up must come down" he chants as he plays with them, a concept repeated often for the rest of the movie.

Of course an apple hitting him when he studies beneath a tree on the Cambridge campus is shown as further inspiration, with Clarke juggling a couple of apples while he ponders the import of his discovery.

He's also presented as a voyeur, spying on a rival who is having sport with lovely Tiffany Tatum nearby. Clarke in present day tells Anny that Sir Isaac invented the telescope, which both Anny and yours truly found a silly notion, but yes, he did invent the reflecting telescope. One never ceases to be amazed at the educational value of pornography.

The attractive femme cast benefits from not choosing overly familiar porn talent -except for Cherry Kiss, who Sir Isaac announces as Cherry Kiss as if she was a famous personage, in a scene where his unrecounted previously successful career as a sex therapist has him solving a couple's marital problem by having them do a threesome with Cherry.

Quite surprising for mainstream porn we see deep fisting on herself performed by Cherry during this scene.

With a lilting musical score including harpsichord, this is very fine Adult entertainment, the likes of which one usually has to dip back into previous decades (e.g., Bud & Hyapatia Lee's "Ribald Tales of Canterbury") to enjoy. Private likely was hedging its bets, as Gazzman made a companion release that was pure gonzo "College Harlots: Back to School" at the same time with nearly an identical cast.