A Bag of Hammers (2011)

Jason Ritter: Ben

Photos 

Quotes 

• Amanda : I was ready to share forever with you, but did you care? No. You'd rather share it with him, and steal, steal, steal! Alan, Alan, Alan! I mean, was I just some hole for you? What does he have that I don't?

  Ben : Uh, well, an indoor voice.

• Ben : We all get a bag of hammers. You know what I mean? I mean, whether it's being poor, or catching cancer, divorce, losing your brother - losing your mother... You know what I mean, Kelsey? It's... Well, but the thing is th-tha... The thing IS is what you do with these hammers when you get 'em, 'cause that's what shows you what kind of a man you are, even if you're not ready to be one yet.

• Alan : You don't... you don't hug anyone. You hugged a ho... a hobo?

  Ben : Yeah. First I gave her all my money.

• Marty : It's endlessly fucked up to me that you steal cars from dead people.

  Alan : They're not dead people.

  Ben : Yeah, they're dead people's relatives.

  Marty : I remember when you were nice boys.

• Ben : What do we look like? Criminals?

  Melanie : Nah. Well, looks can be deceiving.

  Ben : That's precisely why we're so successful.

• Alan : [holding a condom package]  Kelsey, we sat you down today because we wanted to talk to you about...

  Ben : [holding a banana]  ... something very important.

  Alan : First of all, what happens in Penthouse doesn't happen in real life.

  Ben : It never looks that good. You don't want to get a girl pregnant before your, um, in love with her.

  Alan : And ready to start a life... with her.

  Ben : Yes. And each time you have sex, you are risking marriage.