Home Economics (TV Series)

Opus Cabernet, 2015, $500 (2021)

Topher Grace: Tom

Quotes 

• Tom : This year is gonna be different. We're in a groove now. We don't argue like we used to.

  Sarah : [from the other end of the house]  What? Connor!

  Tom : [dejectedly]  Wow, I really set myself up there, huh?

  Sarah : What is "Alicia Silverstick" doing in your closet?

  Connor : [Connor snatches the stick from Sarah's hand]  First of all, his name is "Stickolas Cage."

  Marina : Okay, I'm guessing there's a backstory that we're gonna have to hear about?

  Tom : 1995, family trip to Yosemite, these two find a stick and start arguing over it. That's it, that's the end of the backstory.

  Denise : So to be clear, it's just a stick?

  Sarah : No, it's a lucky stick.

  Connor : Yeah. We got locked in the cabin and used this stick to break a window.

  Sarah : And you said it got lost.

  Connor : It did, and then I found it.

  Sarah : My... that's my stick! Stop it! You know it!

  Tom : Hey, guys? Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

  [Connor and Sarah grunting on the floor fighting over the stick] 

  Muriel : [Marshall and Muriel walk in through the front door]  Every single year.

• Camila : Are we in the book, Daddy?

  Tom : Uh...

  Shamiah : [reading from email]  "These days, Tom's home was the perfect chrysalis of dashed hopes."

  [chuckles] 

  Shamiah : Yeah, I'm not the audience for this.

• Muriel : [calls out]  Thomas Chandler Hayworth.

  Tom : [anxiously]  Here we go.

  Marina : Don't worry. If it gets ugly, we just get in the car and start driving.

  Tom : You really think it's gonna be that bad?

  Marina : I've had a bag packed ever since you started writing the book.

• Tom : [speaking to Marshall and Muriel]  I'm just glad that you guys are cool with it. I mean, maybe Sarah and Connor will be cool with it, too.

  Sarah , Connor : [angrily]  Tom!

  Tom : Wow. Really got to stop setting myself up like that.

  Sarah : Tom, this book makes me look like a maniac, okay? "Over one particularly busy weekend, Sarah stormed out of Whole Foods, a Gap Kids, and a community theater production of 'Fun Home.'"

  Tom : You did all those things.

  Sarah : [emphatically]  That doesn't mean you have to tell everybody! And in this book, I'm always raising my voice, and in real life, I never raise my voice! Okay, sometimes I raise my voice, but I am the only character who speaks in all caps.

  Connor : At least you come off like an adult, okay? Every other page, Tom had me saying, "Dope," and wearing Gucci tracksuits.

  Tom : You do wear those.

  Connor : Ironically! Your book makes me look like some kind of rich doofus who spends his money like a child. Is that really what you think of me?

  Tom : Well, you are eating the twins' vanilla puffs.

  Connor : They're nutritious.

  Tom : Guys, all writers write about their family. Nora Ephron said, "Everything is copy."

  Sarah : Do not use Nora Ephron against me.

  Tom : All I'm saying is that all stories come from real life.

• Tom : All I'm saying is that all stories come from real life.

  Connor : What about John Wick, Tom?

  [Sarah chuckles] 

  Connor : Hmm? Is that based on real life?

  [Tom sighs incredulously] 

  Connor : [uncertainty]  Seriously, is it?

• Connor : [speaking to Sarah]  Mm, you know what? I think you should have the stick as a sign of my non-immaturity.

  Tom : You can just say maturity.

  Connor : [mockingly]  You can just say maturity.