- JJ Harper: [Opening line] There comes a time in every rightly-constructed child's life when they have a fervent desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.
- JJ Harper: [Closing Lines] And, you know, I think Mr. Twain would have approved too. Hm. At the end of the day, that's all he ever wanted. "A little more kindness, a little less speed. A little more giving, a little less greed. A little more smile, a little less frown. A little less kicking a man while he's down. A little more 'We', a little less 'I'. A little more laugh, a little less cry. A little more flowers on the pathway of life. And fewer on graves at the end of the strife."
- Antony Armstrong: [Animals growl in the jungle] Please tell me that was your stomach.
- Woody: I was hoping it was yours.
- Agatha Armstrong: Now, this particular book is written by a man who goes by the name of Samuel Clemens.
- Lennon: Nah, Mark Twain wrote that.
- Lu: That's a pseudonym, his pen name.
- Lennon: He named his pen?
- Lu: Like a stage name?
- Woody: Yeah, like Lennon's mom has at the zoo. Bobo, the
- [Lennon hits him]
- Woody: Ouch!
- JJ Harper: Mr. Twain liked to say, "Never let your schooling interfere with your education." For, after all, the man who does not read books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Antony Armstrong: [to Lennon] You know, you should think about paying the school rent, - given how much you're in detention.
- Agatha Armstrong: He hates me. Ant just hates me. He just-- He hates me.
- Lu: Your mom's really talking to herself.
- Mrs. Mac, the cat: He's just hot under the collar. But I can't say I blame him. You know, you'll always catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
- Agatha Armstrong: Hand me a pen and paper from the kit. An elephant never forgets. So either I'm part elephant or it's very fortuitous that you have a chaperone who has photographic memory.
- Agatha Armstrong: [reads the writing on the stone] "What's done on a dare yet comes in two pairs? How I'll spend mine, I know, but what will you get with your share?"
- Agatha Armstrong: [Reading after overlapping and aligning both the maps] "Dip to the moonlight, dip, dip, dip. Three for you and five for me."
- AJ Harrison: Agatha, you've spent your whole life chasing history. Allow me to add you to it.
- [Takes out sticks of dynamite, puts on a rock, ignites it]
- AJ Harrison: Bye-bye now.
- JJ Harper: Sometimes the legend of some riches comes so heavily wrapped in folklore that you gotta scrape away the edges to work out what's honest to goodness and what's hogwash. Many o' folk have gone searchin' for Tom Sawyer's gold before, but most all have lacked the wit to match ol' Tom and Mr. Twain.
- Agatha Armstrong: I guess the cat's out of the bag now.
- Mrs. Mac, the cat: It would be a cataclysmic catastrophe to categorically succumb to the catalytically catatonic states of which you currently cater.
- Agatha Armstrong: [Reading from the third map] If flood or fire should harm me...
- Detective Thatcher: I take from you five and give you my three.