There is nothing I like more than settling into my daily two hour commute with my PSP loaded up with a good movie. This morning was the turn of "When Soldiers Cry". I have since decided to make my own movie called "When Commuters Cry" All I need is a camcorder, a few mates with absolutely no acting talent... whatsoever, no script required we can make that up as we go along. I intend filming it on location at my buddy Jim's back yard. He has a few trees and a river, looks totally like Nam, especially when we use the soft focus setting on the camcorder. I managed to watch only 10 minutes of "When Soldiers Cry" so must admit, I never did find out when they do. I pride myself on the fact that I can stick out pretty much any movie. Hey I am stuck in a metal tube traveling at 60mph, nothing better to do right? Wrong. The first ten minutes of this movie is easily the worst piece of film making I have ever experienced. If anyone, other than Mr Black (And stop voting for your own movie Joe) has seen the full movie, counseling is an option.
20 Reviews
Oh Dear
camera-shy27 February 2010
First off i have to say i never watched the full thing but i saw enough!, If someone ever asks me what the worst movie ever made is i'll now have my answer. I'll assume that whoever made this abomination will be reading this.........what were you thinking?? it looks to me like you woke up one day and thought hey i'll make a movie and then proceeded to make it that same afternoon with whatever was lying around the house. The acting if you can call it that was cringe worthy, where ever you found them you really need to send them back and make them promise never to attempt acting again.By the way actually pointing the camera at the "actors" would be a good idea should you feel the need to terrorize the public with another "movie" Personally I think you should put down the camera and step away before someone gets hurt. You probably feel i'm being harsh and you may be right but i feel it my duty to stop others from being harmed.
I Am Curious
michelledave201026 March 2010
Like another reviewer I am curious about the voting pattern. Not that it concerns me one little bit, but where is the reviews from the 20 or so people who gave this full marks. I am very interested in hearing their opinion on how they could see this as a faultless movie. I assume Joe & his pals have read the opinions published here, where so far it has been 1 out of ten from everyone. Let's have some articles from the 10 'brigade' & enlighten us to what we have missed. I am all for giving people a second chance & if Joe Black dares to make another movie lets hope for his sake he has learned from his mistakes with this one. We watch movies to be entertained in various ways, whether its to laugh or cry or scream in horror. That's the beauty of the movies. But when the odd turkey comes along well before Christmas, the creator of such a mess must be informed honestly what people think in order for him or her to improve. I did try to watch this a couple of times but never got past the 20 minute mark. I wouldn't know where to begin explaining how bad it was. Nothing worked & nothing was believable, even when people screamed in agony it was done badly. This will find itself in bargain bins very quickly so if you are thinking of buying it just wait a few weeks and it should only set you back a quid.
Where did this wannabe get the money?
hywellda10 March 2010
Really....did he steal it? He stole valuable minutes of our lives with a fantasy Vietnam film.
I say fantasy because NOTHING about this film in any way resembles the RVN that I fought and bled in.
And none of his characters would have lasted 1 day in the field.
There was no such infantry job as "tunnel rat".
Everyone in an infantry platoon sans Platoon: Leader, Sgt and Medic took their turn crawling in holes and walking point.
And if any moron puffed a stinking cigar when we were about to engage, I WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM.
Most of the so-called Vietnam war movies have no resemblance to what it was like and some like the Rambo and Chuck Norris films bordered on satire.
At least they were entertaining and often had SOME bit of help from a consultant.
This piece of garbage has NOTHING....... no entertainment value, poor actors, no direction, and a ridiculously dishonest portrayal of wartime Vietnam's jungle.
It's amazing that someone could throw away so much money in these hard times.
I say fantasy because NOTHING about this film in any way resembles the RVN that I fought and bled in.
And none of his characters would have lasted 1 day in the field.
There was no such infantry job as "tunnel rat".
Everyone in an infantry platoon sans Platoon: Leader, Sgt and Medic took their turn crawling in holes and walking point.
And if any moron puffed a stinking cigar when we were about to engage, I WOULD HAVE SHOT HIM.
Most of the so-called Vietnam war movies have no resemblance to what it was like and some like the Rambo and Chuck Norris films bordered on satire.
At least they were entertaining and often had SOME bit of help from a consultant.
This piece of garbage has NOTHING....... no entertainment value, poor actors, no direction, and a ridiculously dishonest portrayal of wartime Vietnam's jungle.
It's amazing that someone could throw away so much money in these hard times.
Do Not Waste Your Time
BurnKruse27 February 2010
This must be the worst movie I have ever seen, bar-none. The acting embarrassed me where I sat. The camera work was a disaster. Many shots were out of frame. If this was some random artistic method, it is impossible to tell. The editing, if you call it that, was lacking and disgusting. It wouldn't surprise me to learn the movie was made, start to finish, in one day. Shot in one day using the first and only take on every scene. It reminds me of an amateur home video of someone in their backyard in a Midwestern suburb. Luckily his name was plastered on the movie poster and DVD cover, so if I have the misfortune of coming across anything associated with Joe Black in the future, I will be able to relocate said material to the nearest toilet where it belongs, and be able to sleep soundly knowing I performed an outstanding work of charity on that day. One minute is all you need to watch to know how miserable your life could be should you let the movie continue to play. It is not even amusingly awful. It is painfully poor.
Read the real story of the Tunnel Rats
jamesrivard3 December 2010
For the real story of the Tunnel Rats, get the book: The Tunnels of Cu Chi: A Harrowing Account of America's "Tunnel Rats" in the Underground Battlefields of Vietnam. Publishers Weekly said: The authors, BBC journalists, discuss the Vietcong who lived, worked and fought in tunnels, particularly the ones in Cu Chi, a district just north of Saigon, as well as the U.S. Army "tunnel rats," who tried to explore and clear the underground cities. PW found that this book "provides a striking view of a neglected but crucial aspect of the Vietnam war." In this movie, the Chinese-American soldier Aka Han is played by a Caucasian, which makes the casting problematic. He is the putative Tunnel Rat. Although I opposed the War in Vietnam, in this movie the Americans only manage to kill one Vietnamese, an innocent peasant woman who has nothing to do with the tunnels. I guess this is the antidote to Rambo.
Amateurish, tedious and pointless
me-747-8630125 May 2010
Arguably, more money was invested in advertising and promotion than on production.
The initial camera work was excruciating to watch, the plot (sic) meandered, the acting was embarrassing and inconsistent; going from poor to dreadful. Almost every aspect was deficient, such as the lighting and camera work. The props were apparently borrowed from the local amateur dramatic society.
There was a complete absence of continuity, atmosphere and professionalism.This had the quality of an attempt by cinematography students in their freshman year. The movie style was reminiscent of the Blair Witch Project, without the action.
I can not recall watching a worse movie, nor anything close to it. Some investors should be looking to get a refund on this piece of "work". They and the viewing audience were scammed.
The initial camera work was excruciating to watch, the plot (sic) meandered, the acting was embarrassing and inconsistent; going from poor to dreadful. Almost every aspect was deficient, such as the lighting and camera work. The props were apparently borrowed from the local amateur dramatic society.
There was a complete absence of continuity, atmosphere and professionalism.This had the quality of an attempt by cinematography students in their freshman year. The movie style was reminiscent of the Blair Witch Project, without the action.
I can not recall watching a worse movie, nor anything close to it. Some investors should be looking to get a refund on this piece of "work". They and the viewing audience were scammed.
Painful.
parmenio_r21 March 2010
This is not a "movie" that should of ever found it's way on to Netflix, let alone made available for sale on Amazon.com or anywhere. Let me say I pride myself being able to push through a bad movie or book hoping it will redeem itself somewhere along the journey. Not with this movie; I lasted for about 10 minutes (even that was painful). The opening credits were cheesy, a ominous warning of what was yet to come. The opening scene with protagonist, mouth agape, looking like some retard holding a plastic gun made me feel sorry for the guy where I sat. The next minute of listening to him moan, while he was intermittently in and out of frame made me cringe. I watched on figuring this was going to turn into a B movie spoof of Vietnam flicks. To my utter horror I realized they were trying to be serious. That made it impossible to overlook the 3rd grade camera work, toy guns, Appalachian environment (supposed to be the Vietnam jungle), and jaggoff acting. I paced ahead on fast forward and even found that difficult. I wouldn't doubt if this was filmed in one day.
Really folks this is just horrible. I looked around online to find a little background on the "talent" behind this film. I wasn't surprised to find out the "director" was a janitor. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself, however, janitors should know what to do with garbage...toss it out. Others are community college film class flunkee's with pretensions to call themselves "actors" "directors" and "producers". Serioulsy dudes, you should have made this for yourselves, got a case of Miller High Life and enjoyed with a few close friends. I cannot believe that all of you don't walk in shame knowing that this "movie" is available anywhere. But then I investigated to find out that you are all self reviewing this film on IMDb, amazon, even Netflix. One of the "actors" went so far as to rate it a 5 star film and give himself a glowing review on amazon.com. What the idiot didn't realize is that Amazon's real name feature, posts the reviewers real name to their reviews....so Jess Weber, nice job reviewing yourself. Stick to your day job buddy.
In short I was just disgusted by the movie itself, and the sinister attempts by those affiliated with the film to prop up its rating. Hey Joe Black....stop reviewing your own movies, okay dude? Don't waste your time folks!
Really folks this is just horrible. I looked around online to find a little background on the "talent" behind this film. I wasn't surprised to find out the "director" was a janitor. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself, however, janitors should know what to do with garbage...toss it out. Others are community college film class flunkee's with pretensions to call themselves "actors" "directors" and "producers". Serioulsy dudes, you should have made this for yourselves, got a case of Miller High Life and enjoyed with a few close friends. I cannot believe that all of you don't walk in shame knowing that this "movie" is available anywhere. But then I investigated to find out that you are all self reviewing this film on IMDb, amazon, even Netflix. One of the "actors" went so far as to rate it a 5 star film and give himself a glowing review on amazon.com. What the idiot didn't realize is that Amazon's real name feature, posts the reviewers real name to their reviews....so Jess Weber, nice job reviewing yourself. Stick to your day job buddy.
In short I was just disgusted by the movie itself, and the sinister attempts by those affiliated with the film to prop up its rating. Hey Joe Black....stop reviewing your own movies, okay dude? Don't waste your time folks!
Best Laugh I Had In Years!!!
handsomepig17 March 2010
This movie should be re-branded as a comedy. If anyone tells you they have seen the worse movie ever made, you can always ask them if they have seen 'When Soldiers Cry'? This easily is the worse movie I have ever seen by a long stretch. Most reviewers here only lasted 10 minutes or so... well I watched the whole thing & that took some doing. We have a soap opera here in Ireland called 'Fair City' which has the worse acting in history... well now I know where the rejects from the Fair City auditions go... to Joe Blacks back garden to make a movie. Even the props mans budget only allowed him to go to the pound shop & pick up a couple of plastic guns... it would have made my day if water had come from them when they were fired! Howthis has made it even to DVD is astounding. If someone gives you this for nothing it's too expensive. I ended up laughing at how bad this was & moved the DVD from the War section to the comedy one where it belongs!
Like a porn movie only without the porn.
rds_127 February 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Wow the "Weighted Average Ratings system" really got messed with on this one. 7.5 Stars at the moment, no way.
All bad. Some thing I can point out are: First scene we see, a soldier with a revolver next to sewage pipes in the jungle, the first hit guy just lays down instead of falling (and the moaning...), the rifles are being held like they are made of plastic (they are), then there is some acting as in with something like a script looks like they are reading the script from autocue or something sometimes running a bit slow, characters are kinda ripped of of full metal jacket, oh and the gun holding M16 with 1 hand strap dangling about...
After half an hour I really had seen more than enough. Please don't be mislead by the rather high rating on-top of the page, hope that changes soon.
All bad. Some thing I can point out are: First scene we see, a soldier with a revolver next to sewage pipes in the jungle, the first hit guy just lays down instead of falling (and the moaning...), the rifles are being held like they are made of plastic (they are), then there is some acting as in with something like a script looks like they are reading the script from autocue or something sometimes running a bit slow, characters are kinda ripped of of full metal jacket, oh and the gun holding M16 with 1 hand strap dangling about...
After half an hour I really had seen more than enough. Please don't be mislead by the rather high rating on-top of the page, hope that changes soon.
Bad bad,...bad
ezekielphoto7 June 2010
This was the worst movie ever made about Vietnam,was Mr black born in N.Vietnam? he made our troops look like bumbling idiots! their uniforms were wrong the shoes were wrong,the weapons ,didn't you ever read a book on the subject?he shot everything in 1 acre of land.and those lines through the whole movie to make it look old, please! you should have shot it in 8mm or 35mm and then scratched yourself then it would have looked like a documentary.I saw all the credits at the end of this thing and every one of them was by Joe black! except the cater for food maybe this is what Joe should do, cater. I hope this critique helps you with your future work that is in your mind,take your time, think before you do. You are young learn from your mistakes. Ezekiel
What a waster of everybody's time
Tailgunner194427 February 2010
This filmmaker must have friends in high places since he was able to get this movie on Netflix. I only saw about the first three minutes, and that was all I needed to see. The acting was "cheap." The setting for this movie is the most Missouri-looking looking South Vietnam I've ever seen. Not trying to be mean to the filmmaker, but movies like this sometimes make me wish that there should be some kind of media censorship in America. Anyway, if you are having a really bad day and are looking for something to be mad about, then this movie is for you. I really do not have to watch the rest of this movie to know how bad it is. I suggest to the filmmaker to work better at crafting his skill so that he can come up with something watchable.
I don't believe it!
Albert-dekker-894-76431610 November 2010
This is actually the first time I'm writing a review. While watching this "IMDB bottom top ten nominee" I suddenly feel the need to find answers. OK. Let's say you decide to make a movie. You've got a cam and a couple of buddies. You saw "Southern Comfort" and thought is was shot in the jungle. You never knew the jungle looked just like your local forest! You did some research on adult movies and used the audio of one of them to dub the wounded in your masterpiece. I won't say a word about the acting, the camera-work, weapons or uniforms, there's been enough said about that. I want to know what Joe Black was thinking when he started editing. He saw the raw material and still started editing. Suppose the Bell didn't ring and Joe still thought he was holding gold in his hands. How about the first time he showed it to his buddies? Didn't anybody say it was crap? Did they even stayed until the end? I just don't believe it! Joe must have known this was crap, but hey, you've shot a movie under a thousand bucks and even succeeded in distributing it! You're making money! Joe, you deserve a 10 for achieving this but a 1 for your movie!
My review is ready, may I stop the movie now?
My review is ready, may I stop the movie now?
Time To Watch Some War Movies Joe!
frednorthwest20 March 2010
A look at the bottom of the page shows similar movies in genre to this one. Apocalypse Now, All Quiet On The Western Front, The Thin Red Line, Tears Of The Sun & Cross Of Iron are all classic war movies & how this one could even show its face on the same page is a mortal sin. I bought this DVD thinking I was in for a treat & whoever this Tom Konrad guy from Independent Film Quarterly is, who wrote 'A gritty tale of war-torn valor & action set in Vietnam's heart of darkness', what a load of rubbish! I visited their website in order to read Tom Konrads review but couldn't find it. If he has seen the movie & wrote that then he needs to seek other employment. This movie in my humble opinion (and quite a few others by the look of things) is a sham & should never have seen the light of day. A look at the voting pattern as I write this is rather suspicious. On counting the names associated with this movie (note I don't say ACTORS), it adds up to 23. Now 21 people have given this 10 out of 10 & 3 people have given it an 8. I wonder who has been giving it 10. Be honest Joe Black! Undo all those 10's you & your buddies have given this & you are facing the deserved title of worse movie of all time! 53 out of 89 people give this only 1 out of 10 & if there was a zero button I would be pushing that one. So what about the picture itself? What picture? Here we have a bunch of the worse actors in history gathered in a field with a guy who doesn't know how to use a camera, with no script & whatever footage they managed to capture in a few hours was glued together & the outcome is 'When Soldiers Cry'. If I could sue you for selling goods under false pretences I would but I will in fact keep this disaster because I know this will sink to the bottom of the worse 100 movies of all time list & when my movie club friends call round & we discuss what we have seen, I can dig this one out & show them the first 2 minutes (that's all is needed) thus stopping them & everyone they know from being ripped off like I was. Shame On You Joe Black! My advice to you is watch some proper war movies & get rid of that camera. I hear McDonalds are looking for someone to wear the Ronald suit, Go For It!
The Answer!
harrysan-709-28684811 April 2010
Soldiers and most likely every civilian as well, will clearly start to cry when watching such a movie... I could hardly believe that it is possible to produce crap like that. Until I watched the first 15 minutes. The whole thing is just painful and generally appears of having been filmed with a camcorder by some guys who were just too bored doing anything else. I am wondering if any of the involved actors got actually paid with real money. Perhaps with exception of the helicopter pilots, though on the other side, this might as well be an excerpt from another Vietnam movie. I really do hope that neither the writer nor this Jack Black guy ever again have the opportunity to produce another masterpiece like that. An advice to everybody reading the comments on this site, believe! The movie is in fact exactly the disaster as described.
Dreadful, awful, terrible
rabmeister7618 February 2012
I made it to 20 minutes of watching this dross, anyone who watched the whole thing deserves an award.
Everything about this movie is awful, the acting, plot, filming, props, everything. If you are curious watch the first 10 minutes to confirm how bad it is then switch it off!
A film has to be bad for me not to try and watch the whole thing but i just couldn't stand this film. I know it is hard to create the real feel of a war but this felt like a few blokes playing paintball in the local woods!
If as some of the earlier reviews suggest that those involved in the film have inflated the ratings of this film that is extremely sad and an indication that they knew the product was rubbish.
Everything about this movie is awful, the acting, plot, filming, props, everything. If you are curious watch the first 10 minutes to confirm how bad it is then switch it off!
A film has to be bad for me not to try and watch the whole thing but i just couldn't stand this film. I know it is hard to create the real feel of a war but this felt like a few blokes playing paintball in the local woods!
If as some of the earlier reviews suggest that those involved in the film have inflated the ratings of this film that is extremely sad and an indication that they knew the product was rubbish.
It is worse than everyone states!
fyrftr42216 March 2011
WOW. I cannot believe it. I read all the reviews prior to watching this thing. I didn't think anything could be nearly as bad as the comments written about this movie. I figured, how bad could a war movie really be? Well, I can honestly say, it is worse than anyone before me described. I got through, painfully, the fist 10 minutes or so and just could not do it, I wan't about to let a couple hours of my life go to waste watching this tripe. Thansk God this was a bootleg copy that I paid nothing for so at least I didn't waste a dime on this sham of a movie. This director is a complete and utter joke, incompetent, useless and clueless. The entire cast and crew should be utterly embarrassed and humiliated to be forever a part of this 'movie' (and I use that term loosely). No one affiliated with this movie should ever be allowed near a camera again, either in front of or behind one. It doesn't even deserve to be called a movie let alone grace the pages of this website. It should be forever removed from history.
worst. movie. ever.
szndm8 February 2011
I'm not gonna waste my time to write as long review as other.
I really regret that I didn't read reviews before watching this movie, which is probably the worst movie I've ever seen. After 5 minutes of beginning I skipped-through an hour of this horror. It was a waste of perfectly good 15 minutes of my life. I wouldn't watch this whole movie even if I got paid for it.
I'm not gonna write about acting, light, shots, sound, script, editing and so on, because EVERYTHING is terrible. You name it - it is bad.
I'd like to give this movie 0, because I feel 1 is too much. Those high votes are obviously from Joe and his crew. Pathetic!
I really regret that I didn't read reviews before watching this movie, which is probably the worst movie I've ever seen. After 5 minutes of beginning I skipped-through an hour of this horror. It was a waste of perfectly good 15 minutes of my life. I wouldn't watch this whole movie even if I got paid for it.
I'm not gonna write about acting, light, shots, sound, script, editing and so on, because EVERYTHING is terrible. You name it - it is bad.
I'd like to give this movie 0, because I feel 1 is too much. Those high votes are obviously from Joe and his crew. Pathetic!
Worst ever movie
mandywalker333610 June 2012
Oh my goodness, Wow, In this day and age I can't believe they could make a movie this bad. It is simply the worst movie I have ever seen!!! Very low budget film... obviously. Looks like it was filmed on our property in NSW Australia in one day. Who the hell were the actors??? Where did they come from??? They were terrible! Sorry Joe Black, not good, not good at all. Hey if he can make big money out of that crap I think I'lI get a few mates over next weekend and try our luck at making a few mill. The first saw movie was a very low budget movie written by Australians and the entire movie was filmed in a basement in 18 days and became huge. I'm sure I couldn't do any worse than When Soldiers Cry . I wish I had read these reviews before I wasted my time watching it. I would find it very hard to believe that anyone out there would have enjoyed this movie. If I'm wrong please let me know, I would love to know if there is any such person.
Horrible
jameswphelps4 May 2014
This has to be by far the worse movie of my life time, not authentic in any way shape or form, wrong uniforms, carrying fake guns used for high school honor guard, terrible, did I say terrible acting and directing. Save yourself some time and run now. I have seen high school kids with a camera put out better stuff goofing around. As a member of the military they could at least get the setting, uniforms and equipment right. How anybody can put this out and call this a movie is beyond me. Why netflex or anybody would even list this as a movie baffles the mind. No true plot to boot, just rambles on with no reason to it. I should have been paid for my time just watching this unfortunate piece of work someone tried to pass off as a movie.
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