Completely Unrehearsed Last Minute Pandemic Holiday Special (2020 TV Special)

Jeff Dunham: Self, Walter, Bubba J, Peanut, José Jalapeño on a Stick, Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Quotes 

• Peanut : Before I forget, you changed all our Wi-Fi passwords.

  Jeff Dunham : I did.

  Peanut : Why?

  Jeff Dunham : Uh... security maintenance.

  Peanut : D... did you just make that up?

  Jeff Dunham : I think so.

  Peanut : Okay. So, you changed all three to new passwords.

  Jeff Dunham : Yes, I did.

  Peanut : Okay. The backstage Wi-Fi, the tour bus Wi-Fi, and the Wi-Fi at home.

  Jeff Dunham : That's correct.

  Peanut : Okay. Uh...

  Jeff Dunham : And this time...

  Peanut : What?

  Jeff Dunham : ...I made the passwords unusual, so we would remember them, but they couldn't be guessed easily.

  Peanut : Great. Yeah, the "1234" was kind of stupid.

  Jeff Dunham : I didn't do that.

  Peanut : I know. Bubba J did, but he still forgot it.

• Peanut : I'm asking for one simple password for our Wi-Fi backstage.

  Jeff Dunham : And you should have it.

  Peanut : What is it?

  Jeff Dunham : I can't tell you!

  Peanut : I HATE YOU!

• Peanut : Can I have the one for the bus?

  Jeff Dunham : Yes.

  Peanut : What's that one?

  Jeff Dunham : I don't remember.

  Peanut : Why not?

  Jeff Dunham : Why not what?

  Peanut : Why can't you remember?

  Jeff Dunham : No, I don't remember.

  Peanut : Okay, why don't you remember?

  Jeff Dunham : I do.

  Peanut : Okay.

  Jeff Dunham : Okay.

  Peanut : So, what is it?

  Jeff Dunham : I don't remember.

  Peanut : Holy crap. Did you write it down?

  Jeff Dunham : Why should I?

  Peanut : In case you forgot it.

  Jeff Dunham : I won't forget it.

  Peanut : Clearly, you just did.

  Jeff Dunham : No, I didn't.

  Peanut : Then what's the password?

  Jeff Dunham : I don't remember.

• Jeff Dunham : Would you like to see the passwords in black and white?

  Peanut : Yes, I would.

  Jeff Dunham : They're on my computer.

  Peanut : Can I go look?

  Jeff Dunham : Of course.

  Peanut : Thanks! Oh. Wait.

  Jeff Dunham : What?

  Peanut : What's the password for your computer?

  Jeff Dunham : Who's asking.

  Peanut : I am.

  Jeff Dunham : You're what?

  Peanut : I'm asking for the password on your computer.

  Jeff Dunham : Who's asking.

  Peanut : Hello? I'm right here. Computer password?

  Jeff Dunham : Who's asking.

  Peanut : Peanut. Is. Asking.

  Jeff Dunham : Well...

  Peanut : Never mind. Maybe I should ask your mother.

  Jeff Dunham : What'd you say?

  Peanut : Ask your mother.

  Jeff Dunham : Well, that's the one for my cell phone.

• Peanut : We have three Wi-Fi networks.

  Jeff Dunham : Yes.

  Peanut : And you made up all the passwords.

  Jeff Dunham : I did.

  Peanut : And you know them all.

  Jeff Dunham : By heart.

  Peanut : And I should have them, too.

  Jeff Dunham : Of course you should.

  Peanut : What is the password for the Wi-Fi backstage?

  Jeff Dunham : I can't tell you.

  Peanut : What's the one for the bus?

  Jeff Dunham : I don't remember.

  Peanut : You have the one for the house?

  Jeff Dunham : Yes.

  Peanut : And what is that one?

  Jeff Dunham : You have to guess it.

  Peanut : I can't guess it!

  Jeff Dunham : Well, of course not.

  Peanut : So, what is it?

  Jeff Dunham : You have to guess it.

  Peanut : I can't!

• Jeff Dunham : You're making no sense.

  Peanut : I'm making no sense? You're making no sense.

  Jeff Dunham : I don't know what to say to you.

  Peanut : What's the Wi-Fi password for the house?

  Jeff Dunham : You have to guess it.

  Peanut : SCREW YOU!

• Peanut : I asked you for the password for backstage.

  Jeff Dunham : Yes.

  Peanut : You said, "I can't tell you."

  Jeff Dunham : Yes.

  Peanut : Then I asked for the tour bus one, you said, "I don't remember."

  Jeff Dunham : Also correct.

  Peanut : And now the one for the house, you say, "You have to guess it."

  Jeff Dunham : You got them all perfectly.

  Peanut : What the hell are you talking about?

• Peanut : So, what's the password for the Wi-Fi backstage?

  Jeff Dunham : I can't tell you.

  Peanut : What?

  Jeff Dunham : I can't tell you.

  Peanut : Why not?

  Jeff Dunham : Why not what?

  Peanut : Why can't you tell me?

  Jeff Dunham : Tell you what?

  Peanut : The password.

  Jeff Dunham : I just did.

  Peanut : No, you didn't.

  Jeff Dunham : Yes, I did.

  Peanut : What is it?

  Jeff Dunham : I can't tell you.

  Peanut : Why not?

  Jeff Dunham : Why not what?

  Peanut : Why can't you tell me?

  Jeff Dunham : I just did.

  Peanut : Are you insane?

  Jeff Dunham : No.

  Peanut : Then what's the password?

  Jeff Dunham : I can't tell you.

  Peanut : Jerk!