A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! (2008 TV Special)
Stephen Colbert: Self
Photos
Quotes
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[repeated line]
Stephen Colbert : Oh, look. We're under the mistletoe. Well, this is awkward.
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Stephen Colbert : [Elvis Costello is being attacked by a bear] Wait. Feist, you're an angel! Do something!
Feist : I have no power over bears! They're godless killing machines!
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Stephen Colbert : I'm so excited right now, I'm sporting a yule log.
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Stephen Colbert : I love "White Christmas" and "Silver Bells" and "Puff the Magic Dragon", but I found out when you sing those old holiday standards, someone else gets the royalty check. That doesn't sound like Christmas to me.
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Stephen Colbert : Say something a bear would never say!
Toby Keith : [behind cabin door] I hate honey!
Stephen Colbert : [to self] OK, it checks out.
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Stephen Colbert : What are you doing in my nativity scene?
Willie Nelson : Stephen, right now I'm so high *you're* hallucinating.
Stephen Colbert : [lifts up his right hand; it appears to be a deer hoof] Whoa.
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Jon Stewart : I just heard on the radio - the Jonas Brothers have fallen through the ice.
Stephen Colbert : [dramatically] And?
Jon Stewart : [grins] They will be missed.
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Jon Stewart : [singing] We have latkas...
Stephen Colbert : What are they?
Jon Stewart : [singing] ... potato pancakes. We have dreidels...
Stephen Colbert : What are they?
Jon Stewart : [singing] ... wooden tops. We have candles...
Stephen Colbert : What are they?
Jon Stewart : [yelling] They are *candles*!
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Stephen Colbert : [holding a replica lightsaber] If this can handle an aqua-lish at the Mos Eisley spaceport, I'd say it can handle a grizz.
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[Stephen's fireplace is actually a television image]
Stephen Colbert : Listen, you must be cold. Why don't you warm yourself up by the fire and I'll get us some eggnog.
John Legend : Sounds good. You mind if I take the mute off?
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[Elvis Costello materializes outside the cabin]
Elvis Costello : What?
Stephen Colbert : Elvis!
Elvis Costello : Stephen! How did I get to your mountain cabin?
Stephen Colbert : It's a Christmas miracle! Oh, nothing can stop my Christmas special now!
[Elvis is immediately attacked by the bear]
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[Last lines; as the end credits are rolling]
Elvis Costello : [interrupting] Wait!
[singing]
Elvis Costello : Jingle Man, Christmas Boy, fighting crime with *toys*!
Stephen Colbert : That's it! I'm gonna put on a pot of coffee, Elvis. We got a Christmas special to write!
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Stephen Colbert : There's enough rum in here to blind a pirate.
[referring to the eggnog]