Citas

Poop Madness

Connie: My first kiss was with a troll named Myron. He had a flat ass and buck teeth. He could eat me out through a tennis racket. We dated for eight years... I should call him.

Andrew Glouberman: Hey, Soup, you wanna be funny? Show us your tiny prick!
[campers laughing out loud when Nick was shocked]
Jessi Glaser: Jesus, Andrew. What is your problem?
Andrew Glouberman: [strictly] Read the tea leaves, honey. That bowl of soup fucked my wife!
Jessi Glaser: [walks away] I think I'm gonna switch seats.
Connie: Let your GUARD down, Nicky. Be Vulnerable! People like that.
Nick Birch: [to the audience] Hey guys, maybe comedy's not what you're looking for tonight. Maybe I'll try something a little bit different.
Nick Birch: [singing and playing guitar] Hey, Mr. Man. What about me? Am I a bowl of soup or a human being? Cause when I look in the mirror, I'll tell you what I see.
Andrew Glouberman: [interrupting] He's sees soup! Cause he's a big fat bowl of fucking soup, the idiot!
Seth Goldberg: [when people were bullying Nick] That's a good joke!
Boy with glasses: Stinky-ass bitch!

Nick Birch: Oh god, where am I?
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: You're LOST in the WOODS! I think this is how Berman's brother died.
Nick Birch: Oh, I can't believe they were so many jokes about BERMAN!
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: [nervous] And then you sang!
Nick Birch: Fucking CONNIE told me to be vulnerable.
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: It was humiliating! Andrew's gonna tell everyone it's glow what a LOSER you are!
Nick Birch: Oh that's totally what he's going to do!
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: [nervous when screaming] What if they call you soup... IN EIGHTH GRADE!
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: [when Nick saw lockers with the word Soup] YOU'LL HAVE NO FRIENDS! You'll never get LAID. You'll be an old man with an UNTOUCHED dusty little DICK!

Maury the Hormone Monster: Why can't you just sh*t in the bunk?
Andrew Glouberman: Everyone's hooking up in there, and you know I get caca-shy!
Andrew's Shit: I'm not going anywhere, you fucking bird brain!
Maury the Hormone Monster: Strain, Andrew. Push all the blood to your face!
Andrew's Shit: If you motherfuckers try and shit me, I'LL PULL OUT YOUR F***ING SPINAL CORD!
Andrew Glouberman: Oh, God, Maury.
[strains very hard but doesn't how to do it]
Andrew Glouberman: I'm scared. Maybe I can just hold it in forever
Maury the Hormone Monster: You can't, Andrew! You'll go mad! I think it's time for me to pop your dookie bubble. Shout-out to Bobby and Whitney.
Andrew Glouberman: [his stomach was growling] Oh, fuck! Okay, I'll try anything. Just hurry up.
Maury the Hormone Monster: All right, Andrew, I think I--
[grunts and Andrew's poop cuts his throat]
Andrew Glouberman: [Maury picks up the knife in blood] Maury! How did he get a knife?
Andrew's Shit: I'm a pile of shit with nothing to lose!
[when Maury's throat was cut]
Andrew Glouberman: Oh, no, Maury. Stay with me. No! Shh, just hold it in. No, just don't let the blood out--
[when Andrew hears the poop cackling and his body was decayed]
Andrew Glouberman: [sobbing in fright] Why are you doing this to me?
Andrew's Shit: You made me! I am the ugly hate inside of you, and I'll keep getting bigger and BIGGER until WE ARE ONE!
[maniacal laughing]
Andrew Glouberman: [Andrew wails] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Nick Birch: Okay, good time.
Andrew Glouberman: [shouting to him] YOU SUCK!
Maury the Hormone Monster: Easy Andrew, Nick's already bombing; you're fucking a dead horse. Sure, it feels great, but it's not right.
Andrew's Shit: No, that guy's an asshole. He fucked your wife Missy!
Andrew Glouberman: Well, sort of. Yeah, that's the essence of what occurred.

Nick Birch: Why are you all so mean? And why is Berman still here if his brother's dead? He should be home with his family!
[the campers were gasping]
Berman: My mom said Eli would've wanted me to finish out the summer.
Seth Goldberg: [crowd booing to Nick] Now he's crying.
Andrew Glouberman: Get off the stage, Soup!
Connie: RUN, sugar! RUN INTO THE WOODS!
Jessi Glaser: [when Nick runs away crying] Oh, Nick.

Andrew Glouberman: I've missed you, too!
Nick Birch: Aw, give me a hug.
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: Nooooooooo!
Andrew's Shit: [crying out loud when he fades away] Oh No! I'm losing my grip. Oh my god! Motherfuckeeeeeeerrrrrrs!

Nick Birch: Andrew?
Andrew Glouberman: Why, Nick? Why did you kiss Missy?
Tito the Anxiety Mosquito: Maybe it's because you're SELFISH.
Nick Birch: No, I'm... I'm just a fierce advocate for my own happiness.
Andrew Glouberman: And why did you make fun of my DOPE hats?
Nick Birch: I stand my ground on that one.
Andrew Glouberman: FUCK YOU, THE HATS RULE! You're the condescending prick. And we'll never be friends AGAIN.
Nick Birch: [screams] NOOOOOO!

Natalie El-Khoury: You're a surprisingly good kisser.
Seth Goldberg: Well, my dad's a high-end butcher, and I practice on the meats. So if you're ever at Goldberg's in Montreal, do not eat the pastrami.
Natalie El-Khoury: Thanks for the heads-up.
Seth Goldberg: No problem.
Natalie El-Khoury: So, should we go back to the group?
Seth Goldberg: The group? Uh Oh, yeah, totally. Um, so how do we wanna do this? Do you, uh, wanna go first, and I'll just hang back and chill for a sec?
Natalie El-Khoury: What?
Seth Goldberg: Or do you want me to run as fast as I can, and then you just show up later?
Natalie El-Khoury: What do you mean?
Seth Goldberg: I'm just saying, I don't know if we should show up at the same time, 'cause then, you know, everyone will know.
Natalie El-Khoury: Oh. Oh, my God. Fuck. You don't want anyone to know.
Seth Goldberg: Look, I-- I'm really into you, and I like you. I-- I'm just mildly terrified of what the guys will say, because you're...
Natalie El-Khoury: I'm what? Say it. I'm trans.
Seth Goldberg: No! I mean, yes. But no, no! It-- it-- it's because you are so great, and they'll get jealous. 'Cause I get to kiss the great one. You!
Natalie El-Khoury: Fuck you! I'm a person, not something to hide. This is such a fucking bummer.
Seth Goldberg: Natalie, I'm sorry!
Natalie El-Khoury: You know, have fun face-fucking your dad's meat, you French-Canadian cunt!

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What is the Spanish language plot outline for Poop Madness (2020)?