Plot

The epic story of one man's encounter with what could be the most relentless murderer of all time.

Unlike most murders that usually last for seconds or even hours, for the first time in the fabulous history of cinema, this premeditated, peculiarly cold-blooded and utterly merciless one, lasts for years. To be more specific, at first, it started as an unobtrusive annoyance, but shortly afterwards, it became a genuinely dreadful and sticky threat, forcing the hapless Forensic Pathologist Jack Cucchiaio to run for his life. The menace: A feral omnipresent entity that never sleeps, never forgets, and above all, never forgives. The weapon of choice: An exceptionally ineffective old-fashioned spoon. Chances of survival: None.—Nick Riganas

From Richard Gale, mad maker of CRITICIZED, comes a film that will never have you looking at cutlery the same way again. Set-up as an epic-length trailer for an upcoming release, HORRIBLY SLOW... depicts a man's endless pursuit by what has got to be one of the most determined and patient murderers the screen has ever seen. Screamingly funny stuff, this is the rare case where the shine of an inspired over-the-top title is actually matched by the genius of the film itself. Stars Paul Clemens, who many of you will remember from 1982's THE BEAST WITHIN. Someone, get Gale funding for his feature. Now. [D-Man2010]

Though the title says everything, I'll add a little bit more. In this "trailer" for a spurious nine-hour horror epic shot on five continents, we are told the story of a man being stalked by an immortal death machine bent on killing him... by clubbing him to death... with a SPOON! All the standard horror tropes are here - the terror around familiar objects, the attempts to run away, the attempts arm up and defeat the foe, ridiculous gore courtesy of a circular saw, etc, etc, etc, again and again and again. I hope Mr. Gale (the writer/director/producer/editor) gets the money to make a proper horror comedy feature, and quick, because this positively redefines "over-the-top" and is one of the most hilarious things I've seen in a long time. [D-Man2010]

The epic story of one man's encounter with what could be the most relentless murderer of all time. The Evening Class - Structured as a 10-minute trailer for a soon-to-open film, The Horribly Slow Murderer With the Extremely Inefficient Weapon had its world premiere at Austin's Fantastic Fest where it was included in a block of horror shorts with titles like Road and Snip, serving to make the title of Gale's film effectively stand out by contrast. It was shot in about two and a half months, shooting on weekends, roughly 22 days of shooting. About halfway through the shoot Gale asked himself, "What the hell am I doing?" It was a short film that "metastasized into a gigantic project that wouldn't end." An important red flag would have been when he found himself describing his comedy short using the word "epic." An incredible amount of effort went into it for an approximate cost of $600, accomplished with his Panasonic HVX200 camera and Final Cut Pro. Gale's challenge was to see how epic-looking a film he could create for practically no money and the results are admittedly astounding. For the greenscreen effects he bought a swatch of green fabric, which he put up in his livingroom, thereby creating location sequences with the Kremlin and the Egyptian pyramids in the background. [D-Man2010]

Essentially, the title says it all, and thats the point. A man is hounded, assumedly for eons, by a mysterious pale specter ceaselessly attacking him. Undeniably the slowest, most agitating murder, this protracted assault is billed merely as a trailer for an upcoming, nine-hour movie. In THSMWTEIW (if youll pardon the abbreviation), its the same joke over and over, testing the comic threshold of redundancy. Amazingly, its hard to stop laughing. [D-Man2010]