- Eliot Spencer: [roleplaying] I love apples. Apples are my favorite fruit.
- Parker: Good for you, Sparky.
- Eliot Spencer: I-I don't have to sit here and take this crap.
- Sophie Devereaux: Go on. Just do it for me.
- Eliot Spencer: You have an orange, alright? Now convince me that I want the orange, not the apple. Gonna take a bite. You-you...
- [takes a bite]
- Parker: [evilly] I put a razorblade in that apple!
- Eliot Spencer: [spits it out] Are you serious?
- Parker: Maybe. But do you know what doesn't have a razorblade in it? This orange. Don't you want it?
- Parker: Hey, it's Peggy from the trial. She wants to have coffee next week. Mm, Alice made a friend.
- Eliot Spencer: I'm gonna tell you one more time, *you* made a friend. Not Alice.
- Parker: Oh, cool. Well, think she'll wanna steal a painting with me?
- Sophie Devereaux: Start small, Parker. Try coffee.
- Alec Hardison: You know, a week ago you were all strangers. And then the same thing happened to all of you. You got that envelope. You know the one. Comes in the mail, it says "County of Los Angeles" on the top. You open it like this, "Oh, god." You know. A week passes. You watch the witnesses parade through. You listen to the lawyers argue. Suddenly, you're not strangers anymore. Some of you have even made friends. It's not as bad as you thought, right? But then the judge asks you to deliberate. Then you have a moment of doubt. "I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. How can I tell if Ernesto Vargas died from using Faslife? How... how can I be sure?" But that envelope entrusted you with the most important obligation of citizenship, and that is to find the truth. It's so important that we dare not give it to one person, but to twelve strangers. Now, all I ask is that you... you go into that room, and you work together and you find the truth. I have faith that you'll reach a just decision.
- Alec Hardison: [pretending to be an attorney doing a cross] Would that happen to be the incident - Flight 732 out of St Louis - where you-you fondled a flight attendant's buttocks? Or would that happen to be the incident on Flight 1433 out of Chicago where you drank 17 tiny margaritas, you took your pants off, you stood up on the drink cart, and you sang - quote - "I'm a sexy monkey?"
- Doctor: I have no recollection of that.
- Nathan Ford: [Referring to Avi, a.k.a. Donnie, who just helped scam a mark by playing an Indian guru-like businessman] Good! He's good!
- Eliot Spencer: [to Nate] What'd I tell ya?
- [hugs Donnie]
- Eliot Spencer: Thank you for coming in on such short notice, Donnie!
- Avi: [Now speaking with a strong Scottish accent] Ahh! Dinna fash yersel, laddie! What are friends fer?
- Eliot Spencer: Exactly! Beer's on me soon.
- Avi: Oh, you remember that!
- [laughs, then leaves]
- Nathan Ford: [about Donnie] He's *very* good!
- Eliot Spencer: What'd I tell you?
- Nathan Ford: Okay, we don't have court today, but we do, uh, have some work to do.
- Eliot Spencer: Am I gonna like this work?
- Nathan Ford: Uh... not the first part.
- Nathan Ford: Apparently, uh, there is an evil conspiracy lurking behind the curtain of every routine etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.