I'm writing this what I think is an hour in... maybe ten. Nothing has happened. Devin got killed. Who's Devin? Does it matter? This should be the Sleepy Face Stalkers, not killers. If this was based on true events, I'm pretty sure everyone was bored to death.
91 Reviews
Actors unchallenged by lazy writing, barely make their way through a movie that could have been edited in half.
mholton28_12 December 2020
I really wanted to like this movie. Witn a description like "about a handsome young soccer player," I understood it was going to be a vehicle to present a half to fully naked Ronen Rubinstein. Got it, no problem, but you can do that and have an engaging storyline. This one forgot that part.
Two of my writing pet peeves were repeatedly exercised throughout this movie. The first, dialog that wanders around and takes 7 or 8 lines of exposition, when a good edit and trust in the actors could have got you there in 2 or 3. Show me someone is depressed, not have three characters tell him he's depressed. The second is when a character reflects back on some really important, life impacting thing that happened in the past, and then goes on to tell the impacted character about it. Generic example: "Remember when your arm fell off that time? You were so scared and in pain. There was blood everywhere, and we had to go to the hospital and have it stitched back on." Pretty sure they'd remember all that, and it's kinda rude to spell out the pain to a friend like that. Again, needed another edit.
Most of the rest was pretty cliche. Bloody gore for bloody gore's sake. Ended exactly the way I thought it would. And to all the gods in B movie heaven, a white panel van? Really?
Actors unchallenged by lazy writing, barely make their way through a movie that could have been edited in half, but doing it on a low budget, brings me to a 4.
Two of my writing pet peeves were repeatedly exercised throughout this movie. The first, dialog that wanders around and takes 7 or 8 lines of exposition, when a good edit and trust in the actors could have got you there in 2 or 3. Show me someone is depressed, not have three characters tell him he's depressed. The second is when a character reflects back on some really important, life impacting thing that happened in the past, and then goes on to tell the impacted character about it. Generic example: "Remember when your arm fell off that time? You were so scared and in pain. There was blood everywhere, and we had to go to the hospital and have it stitched back on." Pretty sure they'd remember all that, and it's kinda rude to spell out the pain to a friend like that. Again, needed another edit.
Most of the rest was pretty cliche. Bloody gore for bloody gore's sake. Ended exactly the way I thought it would. And to all the gods in B movie heaven, a white panel van? Really?
Actors unchallenged by lazy writing, barely make their way through a movie that could have been edited in half, but doing it on a low budget, brings me to a 4.
Didn't make me smile
df420522 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Welcome to Boring, California. Population-declining.
We're given a cold opening that tells us that more than 150 young men across the US have drowned under mysterious circumstances. Remember this, it's important. Because, by the US, we mean California.
Well, anyway, we're introduced to our MC. He shows a lot of skin, so I'm just going to call him Skin. Seems every one of Skin's friends is an amateur psychologist and loves to diagnose him. Their most popular diagnosis is "unstable" because actually giving it a name would mean we could nitpick the symptoms. And while I'm no amateur psychologist, to me it seems more like he suffers more from a general malaise than anything else...at least in the beginning. As the movie progresses his status does seem to decline from malaise to depression to outright fugue and dementia/psychosis-like states. But even before that, his friends attempts to help him are very questionable for the amateur psychologists that they are. As many depression sufferers will tell you, being dragged out and manhandled into participating in group events is often detrimental to their mental states. Showing them all the "shiny, happy people" as something they are not-but should be, puts undue pressure on them and often leads to setbacks.
But enough psycho-babble. Skin is being stalked, you see. Strange people follow him around, break into his apartment, mess with his stuff, and leave creepy things laying around for him to find. Of course these bizarre happenings do little for Skin's mental state and start leading him to paranoia and stress. Not that any of his friends care. Nope, he's just having another one of his moments. Naturally, being the pill-popping generation, they encourage him to take his meds. But even when he does, the ongoing interference of his unseen stalkers hampers any improvement. Not that his friends believe him. Nope, just Skin being Skin. It's really beneficial for people that are paranoid to have their worries mocked and ridiculed. Well, things to heck when Skin starts to think his GF is cheating with her ex boyfriend. Of course, still talking to the guy and having him send pictures of them when they were together doesn't help. There's also the fact that the Stalkers are texting Skin strange messages and disturbing images...though he could easily block them...not sure why he doesn't.
So, on and on we go with Skin's issues until finally the movie decides to punch it into gear and the Stalkers make their move. They kidnap Skin...and he makes it oh so hard by standing two feet from the open door of the car that was just running him down minutes earlier. They strip Skin naked and then immediately cover his groin with duct tape. Cause, you know...that's the first thing you do when you take someone's clothes off...cover them back up so you don't get an X-Rating. Of course, had this been a woman and the move were called I Spit on your Grave, I doubt they would have bothered, but we can't have too much skin from "MR." Skin.
So here's where the movie goes wild. Skin manages to escape but the stalkers are in pursuit and go from completely passive to Death Wish levels of carnage. They reacquire Skin, (the Director would like to assure you a really cool scene happened to explain how they did this, they just chose not to film it) kill some bystanders and eventually kill Skin. When asked why...they say its because he's Galiel? Ooooookay. You know, if you're going to bring it up and make it a function of the plot, the least you could do is explain it. So, they toss Skin's corpse in the ocean, paint a smiley face, and move on to their next target. We're given some last minute BS where all of Skin's friends suddenly do a 180 from mostly supporting him to labeling him demented and dangerous. The end.
Analysis: Meh. I really think showing the killer's faces was a misstep. When they were just passive, almost invisible threats, it kept the tension going better. To reveal them...humanizes them. Yes, humans can be crazy killers, but humans can also be stopped. To give them faces and identities kind of ruins the talismanic quality of the unknowable threat. And again, if you're going to give killers a basis for their madness, you should probably explain it. To leave the audience going, "I don't know what that is," isn't a good thing. Also, having the killers go from passive to out-of-control action is jarring. It really begs the question of how they've managed to remain hidden when they cause this much collateral damage. Here's a news flash: Gas stations have cameras. Or did they take the tape/digital recordings with them? Traffic lights also have cameras...I'm pretty sure that guy might have tripped a few in his efforts to escape. Also, there's the question of: How do they manage to kill so many guys when they invest so much time in each one? Remember that cold opening? THIS IS NOT A DROWNING!!! We're not in the 1600's anymore where we can't establish the cause of death. Wanna know a big tip-off about it not being a drowning? There would be no water in his lungs! Know why? He was dead before he went in! You don't breath when you're dead! Not for nothing, but a pathologist would also be able to tell he was exsanguinated as well. And there's little to no chance they're going to mistake all those knife cuts/stab wounds for shark bites. There's also the abrasions that would have been caused by him struggling against the handcuffs...in short, no pathologist anywhere is going to rule this a drowning. And as far as his GF's assertions that he might have killed himself? Suicides rarely strip naked and then duct tape their privates (while their hands are bound) before stabbing themselves in the neck.
Final Thoughts: It's fairly boring. The tension in the beginning form the stalkers (pre-reveal) works okay, but Skin's life is pretty dull. The constant fixation on his mental state is listless and serves no point beyond the interviews at the end. Boy, it's a good thing those stalkers chose a guy like that at complete random, huh? Imagine if they'd chosen a "stable" happy guy? Surely one of those 150 pokem-guys must have been well-balanced. The mental issues "could" have been more viable "if" there were some question whether these things were really happening, or if he was just delusional as his friends claim. But we, as the audience, know the stalkers are real, therefore it's a moot point. The early pacing could have been a lot better. Again, to go from 0 to 100 is pretty jarring and lacks any real build-up that slowly increases the terror. Unless you're a sucker for guy-candy and male objectification I'd recommend avoiding it. It's not the "worst" movie ever, but it's not quite "Run-of-the-mill" either.
We're given a cold opening that tells us that more than 150 young men across the US have drowned under mysterious circumstances. Remember this, it's important. Because, by the US, we mean California.
Well, anyway, we're introduced to our MC. He shows a lot of skin, so I'm just going to call him Skin. Seems every one of Skin's friends is an amateur psychologist and loves to diagnose him. Their most popular diagnosis is "unstable" because actually giving it a name would mean we could nitpick the symptoms. And while I'm no amateur psychologist, to me it seems more like he suffers more from a general malaise than anything else...at least in the beginning. As the movie progresses his status does seem to decline from malaise to depression to outright fugue and dementia/psychosis-like states. But even before that, his friends attempts to help him are very questionable for the amateur psychologists that they are. As many depression sufferers will tell you, being dragged out and manhandled into participating in group events is often detrimental to their mental states. Showing them all the "shiny, happy people" as something they are not-but should be, puts undue pressure on them and often leads to setbacks.
But enough psycho-babble. Skin is being stalked, you see. Strange people follow him around, break into his apartment, mess with his stuff, and leave creepy things laying around for him to find. Of course these bizarre happenings do little for Skin's mental state and start leading him to paranoia and stress. Not that any of his friends care. Nope, he's just having another one of his moments. Naturally, being the pill-popping generation, they encourage him to take his meds. But even when he does, the ongoing interference of his unseen stalkers hampers any improvement. Not that his friends believe him. Nope, just Skin being Skin. It's really beneficial for people that are paranoid to have their worries mocked and ridiculed. Well, things to heck when Skin starts to think his GF is cheating with her ex boyfriend. Of course, still talking to the guy and having him send pictures of them when they were together doesn't help. There's also the fact that the Stalkers are texting Skin strange messages and disturbing images...though he could easily block them...not sure why he doesn't.
So, on and on we go with Skin's issues until finally the movie decides to punch it into gear and the Stalkers make their move. They kidnap Skin...and he makes it oh so hard by standing two feet from the open door of the car that was just running him down minutes earlier. They strip Skin naked and then immediately cover his groin with duct tape. Cause, you know...that's the first thing you do when you take someone's clothes off...cover them back up so you don't get an X-Rating. Of course, had this been a woman and the move were called I Spit on your Grave, I doubt they would have bothered, but we can't have too much skin from "MR." Skin.
So here's where the movie goes wild. Skin manages to escape but the stalkers are in pursuit and go from completely passive to Death Wish levels of carnage. They reacquire Skin, (the Director would like to assure you a really cool scene happened to explain how they did this, they just chose not to film it) kill some bystanders and eventually kill Skin. When asked why...they say its because he's Galiel? Ooooookay. You know, if you're going to bring it up and make it a function of the plot, the least you could do is explain it. So, they toss Skin's corpse in the ocean, paint a smiley face, and move on to their next target. We're given some last minute BS where all of Skin's friends suddenly do a 180 from mostly supporting him to labeling him demented and dangerous. The end.
Analysis: Meh. I really think showing the killer's faces was a misstep. When they were just passive, almost invisible threats, it kept the tension going better. To reveal them...humanizes them. Yes, humans can be crazy killers, but humans can also be stopped. To give them faces and identities kind of ruins the talismanic quality of the unknowable threat. And again, if you're going to give killers a basis for their madness, you should probably explain it. To leave the audience going, "I don't know what that is," isn't a good thing. Also, having the killers go from passive to out-of-control action is jarring. It really begs the question of how they've managed to remain hidden when they cause this much collateral damage. Here's a news flash: Gas stations have cameras. Or did they take the tape/digital recordings with them? Traffic lights also have cameras...I'm pretty sure that guy might have tripped a few in his efforts to escape. Also, there's the question of: How do they manage to kill so many guys when they invest so much time in each one? Remember that cold opening? THIS IS NOT A DROWNING!!! We're not in the 1600's anymore where we can't establish the cause of death. Wanna know a big tip-off about it not being a drowning? There would be no water in his lungs! Know why? He was dead before he went in! You don't breath when you're dead! Not for nothing, but a pathologist would also be able to tell he was exsanguinated as well. And there's little to no chance they're going to mistake all those knife cuts/stab wounds for shark bites. There's also the abrasions that would have been caused by him struggling against the handcuffs...in short, no pathologist anywhere is going to rule this a drowning. And as far as his GF's assertions that he might have killed himself? Suicides rarely strip naked and then duct tape their privates (while their hands are bound) before stabbing themselves in the neck.
Final Thoughts: It's fairly boring. The tension in the beginning form the stalkers (pre-reveal) works okay, but Skin's life is pretty dull. The constant fixation on his mental state is listless and serves no point beyond the interviews at the end. Boy, it's a good thing those stalkers chose a guy like that at complete random, huh? Imagine if they'd chosen a "stable" happy guy? Surely one of those 150 pokem-guys must have been well-balanced. The mental issues "could" have been more viable "if" there were some question whether these things were really happening, or if he was just delusional as his friends claim. But we, as the audience, know the stalkers are real, therefore it's a moot point. The early pacing could have been a lot better. Again, to go from 0 to 100 is pretty jarring and lacks any real build-up that slowly increases the terror. Unless you're a sucker for guy-candy and male objectification I'd recommend avoiding it. It's not the "worst" movie ever, but it's not quite "Run-of-the-mill" either.
Boring
markhappyboy27 November 2020
One of the most boring films I've ever seen
juboy7027 November 2020
It got to the stage where I had to make a reference of the point at which something actually happened of any note. It's a 96 minute film and it took 64 minutes before anything remotely worth watching took place. In fact, of the entire runtime there is a sum total of around 1.5 minutes that are worth watching, and they take place in one short scene. How could anyone involved in this have sat through it and not realised how monumentally DULL it is?
And why on earth pay Crispin Glover to play a role in which he doesn't say a single word and is so heavily made-up that it could literally be anyone?
The two stars are solely for the one gory scene, as that is well done.
And why on earth pay Crispin Glover to play a role in which he doesn't say a single word and is so heavily made-up that it could literally be anyone?
The two stars are solely for the one gory scene, as that is well done.
Horrible
sedmak76 December 2020
There isn't a single aspect of this movie that works. It has some if the dullest shots ever seen on film, half of the movie is literally just people walking and acting confused. It's even a bigger disgrace that they dared to even remotely allude that the events depicted are based on a true story. If you plan on watching it just because of Crispin Glover, he's in the movie for like a minute and has no lines.
Worst horror movie of 2020
myignisrules16 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Here's what I got from this movie;
I think the director has a crush on lead actor Ronene Rubinstein. If he spent half the time focusing on the pacing and editing that he did on Rubinstein's six pack, I might've found something here worth watching.
I think Crispin Glover had a car payment to make because he's in this movie for about seven minutes and then he's gone.
This movie was 96 minutes long........ NO ONE DIES UNTIL THE 87 MINUTE MARK! I haven't been this bored with a movie since...... I DON'T REMEMBER EVER BEING THIS BORED WITH A MOVIE!
In conclusion, Smiley Face Killers has exactly ONE positive as a movie. It would be perfect to show to prisoners you need to extract information from. Is Guantanamo Bay still a thing? If so, ship a copy to them asap!
I think the director has a crush on lead actor Ronene Rubinstein. If he spent half the time focusing on the pacing and editing that he did on Rubinstein's six pack, I might've found something here worth watching.
I think Crispin Glover had a car payment to make because he's in this movie for about seven minutes and then he's gone.
This movie was 96 minutes long........ NO ONE DIES UNTIL THE 87 MINUTE MARK! I haven't been this bored with a movie since...... I DON'T REMEMBER EVER BEING THIS BORED WITH A MOVIE!
In conclusion, Smiley Face Killers has exactly ONE positive as a movie. It would be perfect to show to prisoners you need to extract information from. Is Guantanamo Bay still a thing? If so, ship a copy to them asap!
Bad Movie
trainmail1120 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
BORING! I'm halfway through the movie and nobody's even dead yet. The characters aren't interesting and it felt like watching paint dry. Heck, you know what, even watching paint dry is much better than this waste of time film!
One of the worst films I've seen this year...
tenpencefreddo17 December 2020
...and believe me, I've watched some bad ones.
Watched this because it was a Lionsgate films and generally they are fine but what even was this.
You take a premise of a well known spree of crimes and it becomes this boring mess.
Could have been so much more. Forgettable.
Watched this because it was a Lionsgate films and generally they are fine but what even was this.
You take a premise of a well known spree of crimes and it becomes this boring mess.
Could have been so much more. Forgettable.
Get your phones out
richardhillier31 December 2020
just for Ronen
nexttosammy11 October 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I won't recommend this film, but this is for Ronen for the gory scenes near the end and all that running around b^tt naked because they were not easy to film. I don't know if he was enjoying filming & acting or just really didn't care but if I was an actor, I wouldn't have signed up for that part. I need to heal myself and watch Tarlos scenes now, at least I can still see him breathing.
Not what I expected, decent ending.
Rainbowbeany30 November 2020
This movie is not what the marketing shows. It's not a slasher. Having said that, I did enjoy this movie for what it was. Knowing already that it was written by Bret Easton Ellis tells me what I'm in for. It's very atmospheric with A sense of impending dread slowly closing in on the main character. I must admit that this movie is very disjointed. When the final act comes around you will swear you were watching a different movie. For a movie called The Smiley Face Killers, the killers are really only featured in it for the last 20 mins. The ending will leave you with more questions than answers. I recommend if you are into different types of horror other than the constant slasher death type. It's a slow burn 🔥 but the ending was worth it. Plus this movie is SUPER Homo-erotic. A lot of the first couple of acts reminded me of the tone of Nightmare on Elm street 2. There could be a lot to read into between the lines.
Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen
p_stern10 January 2021
I've never written a movie review, this should be a warning, don't waste your time. What I don't understand is how on earth someone could give this movie anything more than a 1??? I get it, the other reviews were written by friends of the cast and the director himself. I can't figure out how he convinced a studio to fund this piece of garbage. You should be ashamed to call this a movie, or even an art form. Were you on drugs when this was written? Is this real? I mean I actually paid to rent this? I must be having a nightmare, a movie can't possibly be this bad.
No spoilers in this review, there is nothing to spoil, except your wasted time
No spoilers in this review, there is nothing to spoil, except your wasted time
Worst piece of S movie I've ever seen
aralnasiry23 January 2021
He is off his meds
nogodnomasters17 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Based on true background information about a number of drownings found near places where there are smiley faces. This story centers on Jake (Ronen Rubinstein) who is stalked during the entire film. He is off his meds and has issues, so I didn't mind it when PLOT SPOILER they finally get him into the white van we have been seeing the entire film.
Jake is boring and so is the film.
Guide: F-word. sex. partial nudity.
Jake is boring and so is the film.
Guide: F-word. sex. partial nudity.
Unbelievably boring
angela_maher1 January 2021
Another worst horror film! Full of boring conversation, and super annoying overuse scene! Avoid at all cost!
kwenchow5 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
This film start with a goat been slaughtered, and the introduction of the main character "Jake" scene! As turnout, this film is about Jake need to survive from the killing of a bunch of cult member, who want his blood! Entire film full of boring conversation, and super annoying overuse scene! Such as, overuse of the main character take off his shirt scene, overuse of the riding bike scene, overuse of the walking scene, overuse of the driving scene, overuse of the staring scene, overuse of the partying scene, and overuse of the rain coat man at the background scene! Make the film unwatchable! Barely intense scene is, Jake been stabbed at the neck! At the end, Jake been killed! His friends been interviewed! That's it! Wasting time to watch!
Better than a 3
pensacolacomputer14 May 2021
why did I waste my time with this?
epope-750824 December 2020
The fact that this movie was written by the same person who wrote The Canyons starring Lindsay Lohan, speaks volumes. Bret Easton Ellis is an author not a screenwriter. That's why the dialogue is atrocious, the story falls flat, and the actors were given such a bad script that the acting is unconvincing. I'll give the movie 3 stars for the gas station scene because that was the only enjoyable moment of the movie
Standard yet savage and stylistic genre fare
theasphaltrider8 December 2020
With the knowledge that Bret Easton Ellis wrote and produced this film I had to see it posthaste. With his penchant for nihilistic narratives, violence and biting satire, Ellis is a favorite writer of mine so in that sense my opinion may be completely tainted by my fondness for this author and screenwriter.
In the same sense I do undoubtedly posses a adoration for stalk and slash cinema so this film was right up my alley of ravaged bodies and rotting corpses.
Adolescents, a cult that kills with abandon, gory visuals and an underlying sense of disillusionment as evidenced in the main character all collide to forge a slab of celluloid that was fun to watch and carefree.
If you're perhaps looking for something that breaks the mould look elsewhere. If you are in the mood for a stylistic, well acted and savage piece of cinema then you have stumbled upon a gem.
In the same sense I do undoubtedly posses a adoration for stalk and slash cinema so this film was right up my alley of ravaged bodies and rotting corpses.
Adolescents, a cult that kills with abandon, gory visuals and an underlying sense of disillusionment as evidenced in the main character all collide to forge a slab of celluloid that was fun to watch and carefree.
If you're perhaps looking for something that breaks the mould look elsewhere. If you are in the mood for a stylistic, well acted and savage piece of cinema then you have stumbled upon a gem.
Not great but still good
jewelch11 December 2020
Don't Bother
misanthr0pist22 February 2021
This was just painfully average.
The gore effects were decent, but the acting was lackluster, the writing uninspired, and the whole movie felt like heaps of buildup and no payoff.
This film also markets itself as 'based on true events' when the only thing that stays true to that statement is the opening text about suspicious drownings.
I really wanted to like this, but it just fell short on so many categories.
They also use the word 'lit' unironically.
They also use the word 'lit' unironically.
Dreadful..
eskimosound6 February 2021
10 minutes in and there's nothing happening. I think the script is a page long. I'm not sure if I can be bothered watching anymore...I will give it 30 minutes and see if anything does actually happen. I just wish I'd have read the reviews before I rented this. Edit: I have given this movie 40 minutes of my life, no more, sack the director, the actors and the people who funded this dreary abomination. 0/10
Just sort of flat.
jmbovan-47-16017315 April 2021
So themes of mental health, serial killing, and religious fanaticism I guess. Acting seems borderline dull and a bit too "on the nose" as college students. And the plot maintains very little other than he seems depressed and they are psychotic. Doesn't really go anywhere or get to anything of a point. Just there, flat.
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