Kaminey (2009)

Shahid Kapoor: Guddu, Charlie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie : [voiceover]  There are two ways to earn a quick buck. A shortcut, and a shorter shortcut.

• Charlie : [thinking to himself]  Don't forget. The path you choose doesn't screw your life. What screws you is the one you leave behind.

• Bhope Bhau : Is this your culture, to lure innocent girls and screw them? When did you arrive here?

  Guddu : Here in Bombay?

  Bhope Bhau : [correcting]  Mumbai.

  Guddu : I was born here, but Father arrived in B... Bombay in 1984.

  Bhope Bhau : [again correcting]  Mumbai.

  Guddu : It was called Bombay back then.

  Ganesh : You bastard! It was Mumbai then and it is Mumbai now!

  Bhope Bhau : You bloody migrants are chewing the city hollow like termites. The city is bursting at its seams and you people swarm like flies to rob our share of the pie.

  Guddu : My father used to say that we are like sugar added to milk. If we leave, the milk won't lessen but will turn bland.

  Ganesh : How thoughtful. The chief has diabetes.

• Guddu : We sat on the same bench. Both of us.

  Sweety : Who both?

  Guddu : Sabiha and I. Sabiha Laeek Ahmed. I was in love with her. She loved hearing s-stories from me. Champak, Nandan, Bela Bahadur... comics. Then one day I realized it wasn't the stories she loved. It was my fumbling that made her laugh. Once, I caught her imitating me - gh-gh-gh-gh-gh-gh. That's when I realized not only do I stammer, but I'm a duffer, too.

• Charlie : Can I have your fell number?

  Bhope Bhau : [to others]  What's he saying?

  Bhope Bhau : [to Charlie]  WHICH number?

  Charlie : Fell. Mobile.

  Bhope Bhau : [laughs]  Do... do... do you lisp?

  Charlie : Not really. I pronounce S as F.

  Bhope Bhau : [misinterpreting]  If not as F, will you pronounce it as L? What about your brother? Does he lisp as well?

  Charlie : He stammers

  Bhope Bhau : [laughing]  One lisps and the other stammers!

• [First lines] 

  Charlie : [voiceover]  We are identical twins, but we are poles apart. He lags behind, whereas I zoom ahead. He stammers, and I pronounce 'S' as 'F'. On his deathbed, my father said, "Charlie, always remember - life is a bitch, and the only way to deal with life is to be scoundrels."

• Charlie : Guddu doesn't know how much of fuckers you bastards really are.

• Charlie : [over cell phone]  Done digging my grave?

  Tashi : Reporting from inside the coffin.

• Sweety : [outside a door, following an argument over her pregnancy]  I can't see you die.

  Guddu : [inside]  I am not committing suicide.

  Sweety : I know, but if we don't get married soon, you'll be killed for sure. Listen, my full name is Sweety Shekhar Bhope. I'm Sunil "Chopper" Bhope's sister.

  [Guddu realizes this makes him a marked man] 

• Charlie : Have you ever met him?

  Bhope Bhau : No.

  Charlie : Good for you. You've been lucky. He brings misfortune. There could be no worse omen than to see his shitty face. You mentioned him and my cell phone conked out.

• Charlie : One diamond adorns her finger, while she is a gem herself.

• Bhope Bhau : Listen, I understand your love for each other - I got a vibe in the train - but if my sister marries a migrant, I'll be crucified. My grave will be dug. Not only will I lose my reputation, but my election fund as well. The builder is paying me to get his son and Sweety married. Five crores! Can you imagine how much that is?

  Lele : [heard in flashback]  Hey.

  Burgess : [heard in flashback]  There is powder worth ten crores in the guitar.

  Bhope Bhau : One million dollars.

  Charlie : [heard in flashback]  I'll shoot her! I'll shoot her!

  Bhope Bhau : How much? Five whopping crores!

  Guddu : If I give you ten, will you sell her to me?

• Guddu : Why pull this farce on me? How many more lies?

  Sweety : Every lie had an honest intention.

  Guddu : Another lie.

  Sweety : We'll miss our flight.

  Guddu : What's the hurry? Let's get to know each other better.

  Sweety : I'm your wife.

  Guddu : That's a lie. You are Bhope's sister.

  Sweety : I'm carrying your child.

  Guddu : Really? Are you sure it's mine?

• Mikhail : [singing]  Spiderman, Spiderman! Spiderman, Spiderman.

  Charlie : You'll die soon.

  Mikhail : Yes, right. As if YOU'LL live forever. How about I slit your throat?

• Bhope Bhau : Please come in, Mr. Sharma.

  Charlie : Sorry?

  Bhope Bhau : We barged in unannounced. We waited outside for awhile but we were hungry, so we came in hoping to find something to eat. Nothing beats fresh burgers on a rainy day.

• Guddu : Don't vent your anger on this poor burger.

• Guddu : I need a loan.

  Charlie : Did the sun rise from the west today?