Episode list

WELCOME to THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW: JOCO CRUISE EDITION. We have been doing this show for 8 years now, 6 of them at the UCB THEATRE and 2 of them as a livestream pandemic show. This is the first time we have done it on a boat. Please be patient with us. Let me briefly explain to you the razor-thin premise of this show: Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) and his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) are joined, as always, by producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka BOATRICK FLOATNOIR aka JOTRICK CONOIR aka PAIDTRICK VACATIONNOIR) whose druthers include you following him on TWITTER: @patrickcotnoir We talk to guests and things get weird. That's the show. You don't need to know or care about Star Wars stuff. That's not our vibe. Do you like NORMAN ROCKWELL paintings? So do we. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. This will all make start to make sense in a minute or two, I promise..

HAPPY STAR WARS DAY. And welcome to THE FIRST ANNUAL GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW STAR WARS DAY DESCRIBE-A-THON. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka MAYTRICK FOURTHNOIR aka STAR WARS BOI), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. What is a DESCRIBE-A-THON? Well, to put it simply: it is a STORYTELLING EVENT. We can't legally SHOW you the STAR WARS movies, but we can TELL you THE STORY OF STAR WARS. And that's what we aim to do. Wait-- you're asking-- won't you get SUED for this? Doesn't DISNEY still own the story of STAR WARS? The answer to this is SURE, YEAH, THEY DO. But this is FAIR USE. We're just TALKING. What, people aren't allowed to DESCRIBE what happens in a MOVIE? SINCE WHEN?? Also, frankly, DISNEY has other problems to deal with at the moment, like the moron governor of FLORIDA, mister RON "I JUST ACCIDENTALLY RAISED TAXES BY ONE BILLION DOLLARS BC I WANTED TO LOOK TOUGH PICKING A FIGHT WITH A CARTOON MOUSE WHO IS ALSO THE TOP EMPLOYER IN MY STATE OOPS" DESANTIS. Besides, we're doing this for a GOOD CAUSE. We're raising money for THE GRANT IMAHARA STEAM FOUNDATION, which is devoted to inspiring emerging talent and empower underserved youth in science, technology, engineering, art and math education. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. And so, without further ado, LET THE DESCRIBING BEGIN..

EPISODE XLV PRETEND IT'S A TYPEWRITER Welcome to the first land-based, non-convention, in-person edition of THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW since FEBRUARY 2020. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka LOSTRICK ANGELESNOIR aka HOLLYTRICK WOODNOIR aka LI'L MR SHOWBIZ), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. Technically, the last in-person theatre edition of GLTS was shortly before lockdown in March 2020, when WATTO took over the show's regular time slot to perform his Off-Broadway One-Toydarian Show, WATTO 'BOUT ME? at the UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE THEATRE HELL'S KITCHEN. Days later, UCBTHK shut down FOREVER. But here we are now, in beautiful, sunny LOS ANGELES for the 3rd-ever WEST COAST EDITION of GLTS. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. By the way, everybody in NEW YORK says that L.A. audiences SUCK and nobody knows how to laugh and all anybody cares about is references to what's happening in "the industry." ARE YOU GONNA LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THAT?? Prove them wrong, people of Los Angeles. - TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUESTS TO BE ANNOUNCED!!!. ANY MINUTE NOW!!!.

EPISODE XLVI PRETEND IT'S A PHILLY Welcome to THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW's first-ever PHILADELPHIA show. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka PHILTRICK DELPHNOIR aka LI'L MR PHILADELPHIA aka DR. PHIL), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. We haven't done that many in-person shows since 2020: one in a CONVENTION CENTER, one on A BOAT, and two in LOS ANGELES. Will this one be better than those? Or worse? We don't know yet. It kind of depends on what you like? Do you like this? Do you like reading these words? My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. Anyway, we're happy to be here. I don't know. Why did this get awkward? Let's just start the show.... TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUESTS TO BE ANNOUNCED!!!. ANY MINUTE NOW!!!.

EPISODE XLVII PRETEND IT'S A LATE NIGHT Welcome to THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW, normally a show that happens at night. But this one is happening in the middle of the DAY. And on a NEW STREAMING NETWORK. FRIENDZONE. Thanks to our new overlords, PAUL SCHEER and future LUCAS MUSEUM DOCENT ROB HUEBEL for giving us a new home on this TWITCH channel. Wait, are we a DAYTIME show now? Maybe. Let's see how this one goes. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka FRIENDTRICK ZONENOIR aka LI'L MR FRIENDZONE), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. Those three do the show and they have lots of guests. And that's all you need to understand about the show. Very basic, and with a razor-thin premise. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. Occasionally, this show is also a FUNDRAISER. Today, we are raising money for the NATIONAL NETWORK OF ABORTION FUNDS. The current US SUPREME COURT is a wretched hive of SCUM and VILLAINY, so let's raise as much money as we can today.... TODAY'S SPECIAL GUEST SETH MEYERS.

EPISODE XLVIII PRETEND IT'S A PEACHY Welcome to THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW LIVE at DAD'S GARAGE in ATLANTA, GEORGIA. For the better part of a decade, GLTS was a live midnight show in NEW YORK CITY but events of the past few years have transformed us into a LIVESTREAM SHOW and now, occasionally, an IN-PERSON TOURING EVENT WITH STREAMING OPTION. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka ATRICK LANTANOIR aka PATLANTA COTNORGIA aka LI'L MR ATLANTA), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. I hope this crawl explained the show to you thoroughly enough that you may now enjoy the rest of the show.... TONIGHT'S GUESTS TO BE ANNOUNCED!. MOMENTS FROM NOW!!.

EPISODE XLIX PRETEND IT'S A PLANET CITY Welcome to THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW LIVE at CAVEAT, our first in-person NYC comedy venue show since THE PANDEMIC BEGAN. NOW ALSO STREAMING. "Hello" to all the georgie porgies out there in our digital studio audience. Wave hello to our "practical" studio audience. "Practical" studio audience say "HELLO DIGITAL AUDIENCE MEMBERS!" Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka NEWTRICK YORKNOIR aka LI'L MR BIGAPPLE), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. By the way, it's August 2022 and the pandemic still isn't over. Everything is a calculated risk, but we are still doing our best to be as safe as we can in a world that has mostly given up. Are WE part of the PROBLEM now? Maybe. It's hard to say. DOES ANYTHING MATTER? Let's do the show and FIND OUT.... TONIGHT'S GUESTS DAVID KRUMHOLTZ MARCELINE HUGOT.

EPISODE XLIX PRETEND IT'S A MOTOR CITY Welcome to THE GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW LIVE at PLANET ANT THEATER in DETROIT, MICHIGAN. For the better part of a decade, GLTS was a live midnight show in NEW YORK CITY but events of the past few years have transformed us into a show that is SOMETIMES LIVESTREAM, SOMETIMES IN-PERSON and occasionally, an IN-PERSON TOURING EVENT WITH STREAMING OPTION or UP ON YOUTUBE LATER. Guess what? This one is the latter of those options. Hello, Detroit. (Later, Hello, YouTube Viewers!) Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka DETRICK TROITNOIR aka SHIFTSTICK CARCAR aka LI'L MR DETROIT), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. I hope this has set the stage thoroughly enough that you may now enjoy the rest of the show.... TONIGHT'S GUESTS DEVIN SCILLIAN JASON GIBNER.

EPISODE L PRETEND IT'S A JOKER It's JOKE WEEK. The first-ever in-person Joke Week after two years of bullshit livestream ones. Why did the JOKER joke the JOKE? BECAUSE IT IS JOKE WEEK, THAT IS THE MAIN REASON. LET'S JOKE. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) is joined by his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) along with producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka JOKETRICK JOKENOIR aka THE JOKER FROM BATMAN aka LI'L MR JOKEFACE), whose druthers include you following him on twitter @patrickcotnoir. My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. Just kidding, my name is JOKEY and I am the JOKE. No, just kidding again. I am still CRAWLY. I was just joking, in the spirit of JOKE WEEK.... TONIGHT'S GUESTS CORN KID THE QUEEN'S GHOST YOUR BUTT THOSE WERE JUST JOKES. HERE ARE THE REAL GUESTS: JEAN GRAE MAEVE HIGGINS.

PRETEND IT'S-A LIFE DAY (ITALIAN ACCENT) Welcome to the first IN-PERSON GEORGE LUCAS TALK SHOW HOLIDAY SPECIAL since 2019. Retired filmmaker GEORGE LUCAS (dead-eyed unemployed character actor CONNOR RATLIFF) and his talk show sidekick WATTO (ORKO on Netflix's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION, GRIFFIN NEWMAN) are joined, as always, by producer PATRICK COTNOIR (aka HOLLYWOOD PATRICK aka WESTRICK COASTNOIR aka WHERE'S PATRICK?) whose druthers include you following him on TWITTER: @patrickcotnoir My name is CRAWLY and I am the crawl. HAPPY LIFE DAY TO ALL.... TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUESTS WHO ARE THEY? ARE THERE ANY? WE HAVE HAD MULTIPLE CANCELLATIONS.