Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Pinocchio's Mouth (2008)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : [while discussing Jake's punishment for mooning the girls' track team, Berta starts giggling]  Berta...

  Berta : Sorry, I'm just remembering my prom.

  Alan Harper : [to Jake]  So, what happened?

  Berta : Well, I was working near the high school that night, and I thought it would be fun to drive the backhoe...

  Alan Harper : Not you.

  [Pointing to Jake] 

  Alan Harper : Him.

  Berta : Well. Excuse me for sharing.

• Charlie Harper : [Jake is getting on Charlie's nerves]  How long is this whole 'grounding' thing gonna go on for?

  Alan Harper : Two weeks.

  Charlie Harper : Two weeks?

  Alan Harper : Charlie, he stuck his ass out a bus window at the girls' track team.

  Charlie Harper : That's what you're punishing him for? When you were his age, you mooned the girls' choir.

  Alan Harper : No, uh, when I was his age, you pantsed me in front of the girls' choir.

  Charlie Harper : Oh, right. Well, either way, you made the yearbook.