Alyson Hannigan credited as playing...
Lily Aldrin
- Lily Aldrin: Ted, if you murder me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll haunt you forever.
- Ted Mosby: What if I murder you and bury somewhere else?
- Lily Aldrin: Neh, I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons.
- Lily Aldrin: Okay, Stella this is crazy. You can't actually think that New Jersey is better than New York. New York has Broadway. We win right there.
- Barney Stinson: [Barney desperately tries to get someone to fist bump him] Oh, no, she did not. Knuckle up for safety.
- Stella Zinman: We have Atlantic City.
- Barney Stinson: Can't beat the A.C.
- [holding his fist]
- Barney Stinson: Pretty please? No one has to know.
- Ted Mosby: New York has Greenwich Village.
- Stella Zinman: New Jersey has The Shore.
- Lily Aldrin: Woody Allen.
- Barney Stinson: Oscar-winning chronicler of urban neuroses. Bump it!
- Stella Zinman: Bruce Springsteen.
- Ted Mosby: Sinatra.
- Stella Zinman: Yeah, he's from Hoboken... New Jersey!
- Ted Mosby: Yeah, but what city is he singing about? It's not 'Secaucus, Secaucus'.
- Stella Zinman: Ted, we're not moving, end of discussion.
- Ted Mosby: How can it be end of discussion if there's never been a discussion?
- Stella Zinman: This is part of being a parent. I can't just uproot Lucy.
- Ted Mosby: People with kids move all the time. And... I think it would be really great for Lucy to grow up in the greatest city in the world.
- Stella Zinman: Ah, here we go... New York's the greatest city in the whole wide world. It's where dreams come true and pigeon poop tastes like tapioca. Want to know a little secret, Ted? New Jersey is better than New York.
- Ted Mosby: [Ted is shocked, but Stella is unmoved] Better than...? You think...? I... The Empire State Buil... H and H Bage... Lincoln Ce... Zabar's... Papaya King. New York is the intellectual and cultural hub of the planet.
- Stella Zinman: New York is full of weirdoes, and snobs and mean people. Ted, do you know that once, an old lady actually called me a bitch and threw a cat in my face? And you want to know if that happened in New Jersey? 86th and Lex, right in front of your beloved little Papaya King. People are nice in New Jersey. I mean it's the kind of place where you know your neighbors.
- Ted Mosby: Hey, I know my neighbors.
- Stella Zinman: Oh, yeah? Like who?
- Ted Mosby: Right across the hall, I got... Clax... pa... mon.
- Stella Zinman: Claxpamon?
- Lily Aldrin: His name is Paxton.
- Ted Mosby: Love that dude.