How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Three Days Rule (2009)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : The three days rule is insane. I mean, who even came up with that?

  Barney Stinson : Jesus.

  Marshall Eriksen : Barney, don't do this. Not with Jesus.

  Barney Stinson : Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait three days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he only had waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't even have heard that he died. They'd be all, like: "Hey, Jesus, what up?" Jesus would probably be, like: "What up? I died yesterday." And then they'd be all: "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude." And then Jesus would have to explain about how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle, and then the dude would be, like: "Uh, okay, dude. Whatever you say, bro."

• Barney Stinson : He's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days: Three.

  Ted Mosby : Okay, I promise I'll wait three days, just please stop talking.

  Barney Stinson : Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, like: "Oh... Jesus is dead." Then - BAM! - he bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman. Because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story.

• Ted Mosby : Check it out. I just got that girl's number. See? Holly.

  Barney Stinson : Nice! Girls with "ly" at the end of their names are dirty. Carly, Shirly, Lily.

  Marshall Eriksen : Hey!... all right, it's true.

  Barney Stinson : Don't even get me started on girls whose name should end in "ly", but instead end in I. Those girls are like roller-coasters. You've got to wait in a long line, but once you get up there, you just hold on for dear life and hope you don't lose your keys.

• Ted Mosby : The three days rule is stupid. I propose a new rule, the "you like her, you call her" rule.

  Barney Stinson : I'm sorry, I don't speak "I never get laid".

• Marshall Eriksen : Hey, look at this guy. How's it going, uh, best friend of 12 years?

  Ted Mosby : Well, it's kind of weird, But, uh, I had this crazy dream the other night. It's a little embarrassing.

  Barney Stinson : You can tell us, Ted. This is a safe space.

  Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, your feelings are perfectly natural, buddy.

  Ted Mosby : Okay. Here's what happened. So I'm at...

  Narrator : And then I proceeded to waste a half hour of those bastards' lives,telling them about this dream I had where I ate dinner with my top five architects

  Ted Mosby : ...And then, at the end of the meal, Frank Gehry slides the check over to I. M. Pei, and he says, "Buddy, tonight, your name is I. M. Paying. " Buckminster Fuller almost did a spit take. And then I woke up.

  Marshall Eriksen : So, that-that's it?

  Barney Stinson : No other dreams? Nothing confusing or erotic?

• Marshall Eriksen : Ted, you know how at some point in the future, Machines will rise up against us?

  Ted Mosby : Sure.

  Marshall Eriksen : So, the machines - they've killed everybody, And all that's left Is you, me... And Barney. Which one of us would you, like get with?

  Ted Mosby : Why do I have to get with one of you?

  Barney Stinson : The machines are forcing you. They want to watch. That's just how they get down.

• Robin Scherbatsky : Just don't make that naked lady noise.

  Ted Mosby : I don't make naked lady noises.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Oh, really?

  [Flashes Ted] 

  Ted Mosby : He-heh. He-heh. He-heh.

• Robin Scherbatsky : No woman in the history of the world is ever "just sitting around, reading architecture magazines in my old cheerleader uniform".

  Ted Mosby : Okay, maybe she's just lying about the architecture magazines.

• Robin Scherbatsky : Holly is Barney and Marshall.

  Ted Mosby : Wait. That whole time it was them? So Holly wasn't in the bath? Or sitting by her window, looking up at the stars,thinking about me? Or lounging in her old cheerleader uniform reading architecture magazines?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah. I don't think they actually did those things. They were just at the bar.

  Ted Mosby : Right.

• Ted Mosby : No. This is bad.

  Robin Scherbatsky : What?

  Ted Mosby : She just sent me a text that was clearly meant for someone else.

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Reads the text]  "Baby, I picked up some take-out from Generro's. Be home soon." Okay, yes, this sounds bad, but let's think about this, okay? It could be for a brother or maybe her sick dad.

  Ted Mosby : Scroll down.

  Robin Scherbatsky : "And then I want you to do me on the couch." Okay, maybe not a sick dad.

  [Grins, raising an eyebrow] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Or a VERY sick dad. Am I right?

  [Ted stares blankly] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Sorry.