The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Hofstadter Isotope (2009)

Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz

Photos 

Quotes 

• Howard Wolowitz : I'm a falcon who hunts better solo.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Fine. I'll sit here; you take flight and hunt.

  Howard Wolowitz : Don't be ridiculous; you can't just tell a falcon when to hunt.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Actually you *can*! There's a whole sport built around it. Falconry.

• Leonard : Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero.

  Howard Wolowitz : Really? Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?

  Sheldon : The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?

  Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, that one.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, Howard?.. Take me to a bar with women.

  Howard Wolowitz : Really?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah.

  Howard Wolowitz : Okay. Let me just go inside and slip off my underwear.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why?

  Howard Wolowitz : Well, if I get lucky, I don't wanna be caught in my Aquaman briefs.

• Howard Wolowitz : [introducing Leonard to a bar]  First we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak, the old and the lame.

• Howard Wolowitz : I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex.

• Howard Wolowitz : [sitting in the bar]  I'm not sitting here with a guy drinking a grasshopper with a little umbrella.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Fine. I'll have a Chocolate martini.

  Howard Wolowitz : Wrong, again.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Come on, you know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Devali.

  Howard Wolowitz : Look, there are plenty of bars in Los Angeles where you can order grasshoppers and chocolate martinis but you wouldn't have to because there are no women in them.

  Rajesh Koothrappali : Gotcha. I'll have a Brandy Alexander.

• Howard Wolowitz : In bars all across this great nation of ours Thursday night is Ladies' Night, which means as the evening progresses we will get better looking courtesy of ninety-nine cent margaritas and two-for-one Jello shots.

• [last lines] 

  Howard Wolowitz : [Raj is making out with a large lady]  Lucky bastard. It's gotta be that stupid accent of his.

  [to a lady in an Indian accent] 

  Howard Wolowitz : Hello, I'm Sumjay Wolowitz from Bombay.

  [she walks away] 

  Howard Wolowitz : OK, I'm stumped.

• [Sheldon and Howard grab the same comic book] 

  Howard Wolowitz : Let it go, Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : Why should I let it go, I saw it first?

  Howard Wolowitz : Yes, but I saw it from the front.

  Sheldon Cooper : A far less impressive feat.

• [first lines] 

  [Sheldon moans] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Problem?

  Sheldon Cooper : This is Thai food.

  Howard Wolowitz : Here we go.

  Sheldon Cooper : We don't have Thai food on Thursday, we have pizza on Thursday.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes, but we all agreed that the third Thursday of every month would be anything-can-happen Thursday.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which, when startled, has its own version of anything-can-happen Thursday.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Should we talk to some of these women?

  Howard Wolowitz : No, it's way too early in the night for that. See, first we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak and the old and the lame.

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's your system?

  Howard Wolowitz : That's my system. Oh, and if you spot a chick with a Seeing Eye dog, she's mine.