- Dwight Schrute: When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland.
- Pam Beesly: Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face.
- [Michael throws a cheese puff and Pam catches it in her mouth]
- Pam Beesly: We're getting pretty good at it.
- Charles Miner: Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand?
- Michael Scott: [slowly] I understand *nothing*.
- Dwight Schrute: Thank you, Mr. Scofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh
- [looks down to read the business card notes]
- Dwight Schrute: and tell me, um... How's your gay son?
- Mr. Schofield: [pause] Excuse me?
- [awkward silence]
- Michael Scott: [cut to Michael's talking head] I color code all my info. I wrote gay son in green. Green means go. So I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange, means orange you glad you didn't bring it up. Most colors mean don't say it.
- Dwight Schrute: [cuts back to Scofield's office] How is, uh, Tom, the homosexual sophomore?
- [Dwight enters the HarperCollins office to intercept Michael's meeting with Mr. Schofield. The receptionist can do nothing to stop him]
- Receptionist: Uh, hello, Dwight...
- Dwight Schrute: Spin-move!
- [he bursts through the door to Mr. Schofield's office]
- Dwight Schrute: Ha ha! April 13th, 2002.
- Mr. Schofield: Dwight. I'm in a meeting.
- Michael Scott: That's very rude...
- Dwight Schrute: I barge because I care. April 13th, 2002. That is the date when you tried to switch paper providers for an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased.
- Mr. Schofield: Maybe we should schedule a meeting on our...
- Dwight Schrute: Blablablablablah! Continuing. Notice my persistence and recall. Continuing! You called Dunder Mifflin and your order was filled within an hour!
- Michael Scott: I'm going to pull a date out of the air right now: April 13th, 2002. That is the last day that you evaluated your paper needs. Is it not? We all know that the economy is bad, and bloated companies like Dunder Mifflin are going to fall by the wayside.
- Dwight Schrute: Come on...
- Michael Scott: Two of their branches have closed within the last year. The Michael Scott Paper Company, however, has opened a new branch this very month.
- Dwight Schrute: What he's not telling you is that he will abandon you.
- Mr. Schofield: Why don't you guys just email me your best offers, and we can finish it up that way.
- Michael Scott: [shakes Schofield's hand] That sounds like a fantastic idea. I will see you this weekend for the Penguins. Box seats as usual.
- Mr. Schofield: Uh, okay. Sure.
- Dwight Schrute: [shakes Schofield's hand] Thank you, Mr. Schofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh, and tell me, um... How's your gay son?
- Michael Scott, Pam Beesly, Ryan Howard: U-G-L-Y/You ain't got no alibi./You ugly.
- Michael Scott: Huh, huh.
- Michael Scott, Pam Beesly, Ryan Howard: You ugly./You mama say you ugly. Hey!/Go Michael Scott Paper Company!
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