The Office (TV Series)

Stress Relief (2009)

Brian Baumgartner: Kevin Malone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rose : So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

  Michael Scott : No, Rose. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

  Rose : No, that's not part of it.

  Michael Scott : Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?

  Kevin Malone : I would want to live with no legs.

  Michael Scott : How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.

• Pam Beesly : Well, I just want to take a minute to talk to you all about something very serious. Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott.

  [laughter] 

  Pam Beesly : He's supporting about 20 Nigerian princesses.

  Michael Scott : Hey, you know what? Forgive me for caring. Right?

  Pam Beesly : Well, you know, Michael is a great delegator. He never does any work himself. Ever.

  [Dwight claps loudly] 

  Dwight Schrute : Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha.

  Pam Beesly : And one time, I walked in on him naked... and his thing is so small.

  Kevin Malone : How small is it?

  Pam Beesly : If it were an iPod it would be a Shuffle!

• Kevin Malone : [giving chest compressions to the practice dummy]  I can't keep doing this forever.

  Rose : It's been 20 seconds.

  Kevin Malone : [gives up]  Call it.