Jenna Fischer credited as playing...
Pam Beesly
- Michael Scott: And I had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people.
- Pam Beesly: What?
- Michael Scott: Well, I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget.
- [clears throat]
- Michael Scott: Jim, you're 6'11", and you weigh 90 pounds. Gumby has a better body than you. Boom. Roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss-ass. Boom. Roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom. Roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom. Roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom. Roasted. Creed, your teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom. Roasted. Angela, where's Angela? Well, there you are. I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom. Roasted.
- [Stanley starts to laugh]
- Michael Scott: Oscar, you are...
- [starts giggling]
- Michael Scott: Oscar, you're gay.
- Oscar Martinez: Wow.
- Michael Scott: Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck and you're gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted.
- Pam Beesly: We don't normally download movies illegally because we're honest, hardworking people.
- Jim Halpert: And we don't know how.
- Pam Beesly: But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him.
- Jim Halpert: Punishment fits the crime.
- Pam Beesly: Well, I just want to take a minute to talk to you all about something very serious. Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott.
- [laughter]
- Pam Beesly: He's supporting about 20 Nigerian princesses.
- Michael Scott: Hey, you know what? Forgive me for caring. Right?
- Pam Beesly: Well, you know, Michael is a great delegator. He never does any work himself. Ever.
- [Dwight claps loudly]
- Dwight Schrute: Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha.
- Pam Beesly: And one time, I walked in on him naked... and his thing is so small.
- Kevin Malone: How small is it?
- Pam Beesly: If it were an iPod it would be a Shuffle!