- [Wendy and the hideous monster stand before the heavily-armed Middleman]
- The Middleman: Excuse me, Ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to step aside.
- [beat]
- The Middleman: The human.
- [sighs]
- The Middleman: The one on my left.
- [creature runs around noisily while being tased]
- The Middleman: Heck of a mess, huh.
- Wendy Watson: Excuse me?
- [Creature explodes - all is quiet]
- The Middleman: I said, heck of a mess. Huh.
- Wendy Watson: Whatever. I'm a temp.
- [sirens approach]
- The Middleman: Hey, now! The heat's on its way. Okay, cowgirl, here's your marching orders. Anyone asks, this was a gas main explosion. I was never here, this conversation never took place.
- Wendy Watson: Marching orders? What about that hentai tentacle monster?
- The Middleman: [shrugs] Tell the truth if you want, but if you do, I'm going to have to root you like a hog and kill you.
- [beat]
- The Middleman: Sorry. So, what's it going to be: Keep the secret, or death?
- Wendy Watson: What do you think?
- The Middleman: Ma'am, specificity is the soul of all good communication.
- Wendy Watson: [beat] Yes. Duh.
- [his wristwatch Voice Stress Analyzer reads 99%]
- The Middleman: Outstanding. You're good under pressure.
- Wendy Watson: Are you hitting on me?
- The Middleman: Just making an observation.
- Wendy Watson: [not quite under her breath] Hellooo, nutjob, party of one.
- The Middleman: No, Ma'am. I'm just The Middleman.
- [Wendy Watson is on the phone at the receptionist desk of AND Labs]
- Wendy Watson: Yes, Mother, I am still dating that guy, and his name is Ben.
- [listens]
- Wendy Watson: No, he is *not* a homosexual... he's in film school.
- [Title Card: Corridor to the illegal sublet Wendy shares with another young, photogenic artist. 7:00 P.M.]
- Noser: Yo, Wendy Watson.
- Wendy Watson: Hey, Noser.
- Noser: Who's the Man?
- Wendy Watson: That would be Shaft, Noser.
- Noser: What kind of man?
- Wendy Watson: A complicated man.
- Noser: And who understands him?
- Wendy Watson: No one but his woman.
- Noser: Right on.
- Lacey Thornfield: I'm a confrontational spoken-word performance artist. I confront. I speak. Art.
- [beat]
- Lacey Thornfield: What do you do, DubDub?
- Wendy Watson: Well, I save the world in my own way. Did I get any calls?
- Lacey Thornfield: Yeah, your Mom called to ask if you're a lesbian... and Ben called! He wants to come later... he has a surprise for you.
- Wendy Watson: Did he say anything about world travel, champagne, or diamonds?
- Lacey Thornfield: [chuckles] What's it like being somebody's beard?
- Wendy Watson: He's in film school.