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- Ivan Vanko: You come from a family of thieves and butchers, and like all guilty men, you try to rewrite your history, to forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed.
- Tony Stark: Speaking of thieves, where'd you get this design? You look like you have friends in low places.
- Ivan Vanko: My father, Anton Vanko.
- Tony Stark: Never heard of him.
- Ivan Vanko: My father is the reason you're alive.
- Tony Stark: No, the reason I'm alive is because you made a shot, and you missed.
- Ivan Vanko: [laughs] If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in Him. There will be blood in the water, the sharks will come. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the world consumes you.
- Tony Stark: Where will you be watching the world consume me from? Oh, that's right, a prison cell. I'll send you a bar of soap.
- [seeing Tony Stark, in partial Iron Man armor, sitting in a giant rooftop donut display]
- Nick Fury: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut.
- Senator Stern: My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America.
- Tony Stark: Well, you can forget it. I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself, which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending on what state you're in. You can't have it.
- Senator Stern: Look, I'm no expert...
- Tony Stark: In prostitution? Of course not, you're a senator. Come on!
- Howard Stark: Tony, you're too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put it on film for you.
- [Howard gestures to his model city]
- Howard Stark: I built this for you. And some day you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people's inventions. It represents my life's work. This is the key to the future. I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation... is you.
- Agent Coulson: [holding up the Captain America shield] Where did you get this? Do you have any idea what this is?
- Tony Stark: *That*... is exactly what I need!
- [takes shield, shoves it under coil, measures with carpenter's level]
- Tony Stark: There, see? Perfectly level.
- [after destroying a Hammer drone about to terminate a kid wearing an Iron Man mask]
- Iron Man: Nice work, kid!
- [the Senate committee tries to get Stark's attention while he is making flirty faces with Pepper Potts]
- Senator Stern: [finally getting his attention] Mr. Stark!
- Tony Stark: Yes, dear?
- Justin Hammer: These are the Cubans, baby. This is the Cohibas, the Montecristos. This is a kinetic-kill, side-winder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst. It's capable of busting a bunker under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it'd write a book, a book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. It would read it to you. This is my Eiffel Tower. This is my Rachmaninoff's Third. My Pieta. It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful, and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it "The Ex-Wife."
- [Agent Coulson is left in charge of Tony]
- Agent Coulson: If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch "Supernanny" while you drool into the carpet.
- [Natalie Rushman walks in dressed as the Black Widow]
- Tony Stark: Huh! You're... fired.
- Natasha Romanoff: That's not up to you.
- Tony Stark: [to Nick Fury regarding "The Avengers" initiative] I told you I don't want to join your super-secret boy band.
- Tony Stark: [The strawberry vendor hands strawberries to Tony who's in his car] I don't like people handing me things just put it down there.
- Strawberry Vendor: Aren't you Iron Man?
- Tony Stark: [Driving off] Sometimes.
- Natalie Rushman: I'm surprised you can keep your mouth shut.
- Tony Stark: God, you're good. You are mind-blowingly close to this. How do you do it? You're a triple impostor, I've never seen anything like it. Is there anything real about you? Do you even speak Latin?
- Natalie Rushman: Fallaces sunt rerum species.
- Tony Stark: Which means? Wait, what did you just say?
- Natalie Rushman: It means you can either drive yourself home or I can have you collected.
- [only in trailer]
- Tony Stark: [about to jump out of a plane] Okay, give me a smooch for good luck, I might not make it back!
- [Instead, Pepper kisses the "lips" of Stark's helmet and throws it out of the plane]
- Pepper Potts: Go get 'em, boss!
- Tony Stark: [diving after the helmet] You complete me!
- Tony Stark: [Puts new arc-reacter in chestpiece] Wow!
- [burps]
- Tony Stark: That tastes like coconut... and metal!
- Tony Stark: Well, then, you must have known my father better than I did.
- Nick Fury: As a matter of fact, I did. He was one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.
- Tony Stark: ...Wait, WHAT?
- Tony Stark: [reading from Natascha's SHIELD Report on Iron Man/Tony Stark]
- Tony Stark: Mr. Stark displays textbook... narcissism.
- Tony Stark: [Stark stares at Nick Fury, who simply stares at him back] ... Agreed.
- Tony Stark: [about Natalie Rushman] Who is she?
- Pepper Potts: She is from legal and she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.
- Ivan Vanko: You come from a family of thieves and butchers, and like all guilty men, you try to rewrite your history, to forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed.
- Tony Stark: Speaking of thieves, where'd you get this design? You look like you have friends in low places.
- Ivan Vanko: My father, Anton Vanko.
- Tony Stark: Never heard of him.
- Ivan Vanko: My father is the reason you're alive.
- Tony Stark: No, the reason I'm alive is because you made a shot, and you missed.
- Ivan Vanko: [laughs] If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in Him. There will be blood in the water, the sharks will come. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the world consumes you.
- Tony Stark: Where will you be watching the world consume me from? Oh, that's right, a prison cell. I'll send you a bar of soap.
- Senator Stern: [after he pricks Tony with his badge] Ooh, sorry... funny how annoying a little prick can be, isn't it?
- Tony Stark: How do you spell your name, Natalie?
- Natalie Rushman: R-U-S-H-M-A-N.
- Pepper Potts: What, are you Googling her now?
- Tony Stark: I thought I was ogling her?
- Tony Stark: [Tony has seen the diagram for the atomic structure of a new element; talks about his father] Dead almost 20 years, you're still taking me to school...
- Natalie Rushman: Well done with the new chest piece. I'm reading significantly higher output and your vitals all look promising.
- Tony Stark: Yes, for the moment, I'm not dying. Thank you.
- Pepper Potts: [overhears] What do you mean you're not dying? Did you just say you're dying?
- Tony Stark: Is that you? No, I'm not. Not anymore.
- Pepper Potts: What's going on?
- Tony Stark: I was going to tell you, I didn't want you to alarm you
- Pepper Potts: [interrupts] You were going to tell me? You really were dying?
- Tony Stark: You didn't let me.
- Pepper Potts: Why didn't you tell me that?
- Tony Stark: I was going to make you an omelet and tell you.
- Natalie Rushman: Hey, hey. Save it for the honeymoon. You got incoming, Tony. Looks like the fight's coming to you.
- Tony Stark: Great. Pepper?
- Pepper Potts: Are you okay now?
- Tony Stark: I'm fine. Don't be mad, I will formally apologize...
- Pepper Potts: I am mad!
- Tony Stark: ...when I'm not fending off a Hammeroid attack.
- Pepper Potts: Fine.
- Tony Stark: We could've been in Venice.
- Pepper Potts: Oh, please.
- Nick Fury: You've been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff. You let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I know better...
- Tony Stark: [interrupts] You don't know better. I didn't give it to him. He took it.
- Nick Fury: Whoa, whoa, whoa. He took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit? Is that possible?
- Natasha Romanoff: Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage.
- Tony Stark: What do you want from me?
- Nick Fury: What do we want from you? Uh-uh. What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him!
- [Natalia injects Tony in his neck]
- Tony Stark: [groans] Oh God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?
- Nick Fury: What did we just do *for* you? That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work.
- Tony Stark: Give me a couple boxes of that. I'll be right as rain.
- Natasha Romanoff: It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms.
- Nick Fury: Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.
- Senator Stern: I think we're done with the point that he's making. I don't think there's any reason...
- Tony Stark: The point is you're welcome, I guess.
- Senator Stern: For what?
- Tony Stark: Because I'm your nuclear deterrent. It's working. We're safe. America is secure. You want my property? You can't have it. But I did you a big favor.
- [stands and turns to face the Senate]
- Tony Stark: I've successfully privatized world peace. What more do you want? For now! I tried to play ball with these ass-clowns.
- Senator Stern: [Bleep] ... you, Mr. Stark.
- Senator Stern: [Bleep] ... you, buddy.
- Natasha Romanoff: I'm going to enter the facility.
- [she begins to remove her dress, Happy stares at her and dodges a car]
- Natasha Romanoff: Eyes on the road.
- Happy Hogan: I got it.
- Tony Stark: You know, the question I get asked most often is, "Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in the suit?"
- [pauses with eyes closed]
- Tony Stark: Just like that.
- Nick Fury: That thing in your chest is based on unfinished technology...
- Tony Stark: No, it's finished - it's just never been particularly effective until I miniaturized it and put it in my...
- Nick Fury: No, Howard said the arc reactor was a stepping stone to something greater. He was about to kick off an energy race that was going to dwarf the arms race. He was on to something big, something so big it was going to make the arc reactor look like a triple-A battery.
- Tony Stark: Just him, or was Anton Vanko in on this?
- Nick Fury: Anton Vanko was the other side of that coin - Anton saw it as a way to get rich, and when your father found out he had him deported. When the russians found out he couldn't deliver they shipped his ass of to Siberia. He spent the next twenty years in a vodka-fueled rage, not quite the environment you'd want to raise a kid in - the son you had the misfortune of crossing paths with in Monaco.
- Justin Hammer: [about Christine Everhart] She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know. Right?
- Pepper Potts: Right. Well, she did quite a spread on Tony last year.
- Tony Stark: And she wrote a story as well.
- Tony Stark: [puts down a disgusting-looking dish]
- Pepper Potts: What is that?
- Tony Stark: This is your in-flight meal.
- Pepper Potts: Did you just make that?
- Tony Stark: Yeah. Where do you think I've been for three hours?
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: *I* think it's weird. You look like two seals fighting over a grape.
- Tony Stark: Hey, you weren't supposed to be listening to that. Get lost.
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: I was here first. Get a roof.
- Happy Hogan: Anything else, boss?
- Tony Stark: I'm good, Hap.
- Pepper Potts: No, I'll be just... another minute.
- Tony Stark: I lost both the kids in the divorce.
- Tony Stark: [Rhodey has just launched the "ex wife" weapon, which bounces off Vanko with no effect] Hammer Tech?
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [Looks dejected] Yeah.
- Tony Stark: What's on the docket?
- Natalie Rushman: You have a 9:30 dinner.
- Tony Stark: Perfect. I'll be there at 11.
- Tony Stark: Can I ask you something personal? If this was the last birthday party you were going to have, what would you do?
- Natalie Rushman: I would do whatever I wanted to do, with whomever I wanted to do it with.
- [cut to Stark dancing around drunkenly in Iron Man suit]
- Tony Stark: My bond is with the people, and I will serve this great nation at the pleasure of myself. If there's one thing I've proven it's that you can count on me to pleasure myself.
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Tony, look, I'm sorry.
- Tony Stark: Don't be.
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: No, I should have trusted you.
- Tony Stark: I'm the one who put you in this position. Forget it.
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: No, it's your fault. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
- [Tony makes an explosive entrance at the Stark Expo]
- Fan in crowd: Blow something up!
- Tony Stark: What? Blow something up? I already did that.
- [as Coulson gazes upon a crater, he makes a call]
- Agent Coulson: Sir. We found it.
- [camera pans down to reveal Thor's hammer]
- Tony Stark: I'm not saying I'm responsible for this country's longest run of uninterrupted peace in 35 years! I'm not saying that from the ashes of captivity, never has a Phoenix metaphor been more personified! I'm not saying Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair, sipping on an iced tea, because I haven't come across anyone man enough to go toe to toe with me on my best day! It's not about me. It's not about you, either. It's about legacy, the legacy left behind for future generations. It's not about us!
- Iron Man: You have *a* big gun, you're not *the* big gun.
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Tony, don't be jealous.
- Iron Man: No, it's subtle, all the bells and whistles.
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Yeah, it's called "being a badass"!
- [from trailer]
- Pepper Potts: Natalie is here!
- [Stark's notary enters]
- Tony Stark: I want one.
- Pepper Potts: No...
- Tony Stark: [Dummy, the robotic arm, has made a mess at the kitchen sink] You! I swear to God, I'll dismantle you! I'll soak your motherboard, turn you into a wine rack!
- [Dummy looks down guiltily]
- Tony Stark: I just want to talk to you for a minute, well, make that 30 seconds...
- Pepper Potts: Okay.
- [looks at her watch]
- Pepper Potts: 29, 28, 27...
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [aiming their repulsar beams at each other] Put your hand down.
- Tony Stark: You think you got what it takes to wear that suit?
- Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: We don't have to do this, Tony.
- Tony Stark: You wanna be the War Machine, take your shot.