Extract (2009)

Jason Bateman: Joel

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Quotes 

• Joel : What is it with women? Y'know, they say they don't care about looks--they just want a guy who's smart and funny--but they always just end up laughing at whatever the good-looking stupid guy says.

• Dean : [looking at Cindy through the office window]  Damn! She work here?

  Joel : Yes, she's a temp.

  Dean : She's a tramp?

  Joel : "Temp!"

• Joel : Step, I don't want to tell you what to do, but I just want you to think about this, you know? If you go beyond the settlement, you continue with the lawsuit, you could bankrupt that company. And people are going to lose their jobs, a lot of people are gonna be pissed off at you, so...

  Step : No, I ain't worried about that. I can kick anybody's ass at that whole company.

  Joel : Yeah...

  Phil : Well, I'm gonna kick somebody's ass if you don't close that screen door!

• Joel : If I don't get home before 8, she puts on the sweatpants.

  Joel : And once the sweatpants are on, I get nothing.

• Suzie : Who'd you want to have an affair with, anyway?

  Joel : Just some criminal drifter.

• Dean : You should try smoking a little pot.

  Joel : That's a drug.

  Dean : It's not a drug. It's a flower.

• Suzie : I thought that was a surprisingly tasteful funeral.

  Joel : Yes, it was. You know, when I was looking down on him, I thought, this might be the longest I've ever seen him with his mouth shut.

  Suzie : Yeah...

• Dean : You need to take some Xanax.

  Joel : Xanax? Isn't that for anxiety?

  Dean : It's good for all psychological problems in the DSM-IV. Xanax basically just makes you feel good. That's why it works for *everything*. I take it for the common head cold!

• Joel : You had sex with my wife again?

  Brad : Well, I figured we already did it once, so what's the big deal, right? Besides, I'm not going to charge you.

  Joel : You're not going to charge... You *are* going to charge me and I am going to pay you, because you are not going to have sex with my wife for free, all right?

• Brad : Hey you weren't supposed to be here for another 4 hours... What happened to your face?

  Joel : same thing...! Your face is going to look like my face if I ever... ! Actually, your face is going to look worse than mine if...

• Joel : What if I tell her you did it all for money? How about that, Ding-Ding?

• Dean : You know, I'm starting to think this might have been a mistake.

  Joel : Really?

  Dean : Maybe it was my fault, you know?, maybe it was your fault.

  Joel : No, it's yours.

  Dean : A lot of blame to go around here. I think there are some people who just aren't meant to do drugs, *Joel*. I think you're one of those people, man.

• Joel : I think that I just got distracted with Dean, and the drugs, and the gigolos.

• Dean : There are ways, ancient ways from Aztec times of getting your wife to cheat on you, if that is what you need.

  Joel : Let's hear it.

  Dean : You hire a gigolo to have an affair with your wife.

• Joel : Thanks for the drugs, Dean!