- Lewis Black - Host: I'm Lewis Black, and this is my courtroom, where I put on trial all the people and things that make me want to jump head first into the shallow end of an empty swimming pool.
- Lewis Black - Host: Welcome back the The Root of All Evil. Donald Trump vs Viagra. Stiff and stiffer!
- Lewis Black - Host: Welcome back to the Root of All Evil. It's Donald Trump vs Viagra. A relentless dick, or the same thing.