Josh Radnor credited as playing...
Ted Mosby
- Gloria: Is something wrong?
- Ted Mosby: No, it's just, um... I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it.
- Brenda: [to Gloria] What's wrong?
- Gloria: Ted's embarrassed - he thought this was a date.
- Brenda: [to Kourtney] Ted thought this was a date.
- Kourtney: Stella, did you know Ted thought this was a date?
- Dr. Stella Zinman: What? I'm not allowed to date a patient. It's an AMA rule.
- Kourtney: [to Brenda] She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule.
- Brenda: [to Gloria] She's not allowed to date patients. It's an AMA rule.
- Gloria: [to Ted] She's not allowed to date...
- Ted Mosby: Yeah, I got it.
- Old Guy: We all got it. Ted's a schmuck!
- Dr. Stella Zinman: Ah, the tramp stamp. My bread and butter. So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze? Unless that's a gang tattoo, in which case I think it's time to find a new gang.
- Ted Mosby: Actually, I asked for a caterpillar, and a few weeks later...
- Ted Mosby: You do magic, how is juggling any lamer than magic?
- Barney Stinson: Magic's not lame...
- [shouts]
- Barney Stinson: The flame!
- [sparks come out of his sleeves, scares everyone]
- Marshall Eriksen: [Startled] Ahh
- Lily Aldrin: Barney no, no. We said no fire balls at the table.
- Marshall Eriksen: What the hell is wrong with you?
- Robin Scherbatsky: There's alcohol in here!
- Barney Stinson: But... I...
- Wendy: Barney, we've talked about this. It's a fire code violation.
- Barney Stinson: Yea, but Ted provoked me.
- Lily Aldrin: No no, you are in a time out now. Go sit over there.
- Barney Stinson: But...
- Lily Aldrin: Go.
- [Barney moves one booth back, still facing the camera and still to the right of Robin]
- Dr. Stella Zinman: Abby goes bowling with her church group every Wednesday night... and she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy.
- Ted Mosby: Abby is...?
- Dr. Stella Zinman: My receptionist. You really made quite an impression on her with the coffee the other day. I mean, she has really not stopped talking about you.
- Ted Mosby: Oh, Abby. I thought you said "Alan."
- Dr. Stella Zinman: But you just said, "Abby is...?"
- Ted Mosby: Right. Right, I thought I said "Alan."
- Dr. Stella Zinman: Who's Alan?
- Ted Mosby: Who's Abby?
- Dr. Stella Zinman: My receptionist.
- Ted Mosby: Exactly.
- Ted Mosby: I'm not some top 40 song, easily digestible. I'm complex, and require multiple listens. I'm Stairway to Heaven.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Boy, Roger Daltry must be rolling over in his grave.
- [everyone stares at her]
- Robin Scherbatsky: What? I got the wrong guy, didn't I? He's not even dead, is he?