Mit dir geteilt
- Shawn Spencer: [while on a stake out] You sure you want to park this close, Dad? We're almost a quarter of a mile away.
- Henry Spencer: Shawn, we're exactly where we should be to get a read on the situation.
- Shawn Spencer: I can literally see the curvature of the Earth from here.
- Shawn Spencer: Can you check for a John Doe, please?
- [Desk clerk nods, turns to her computer]
- Shawn Spencer: Actually, can you check all the Does? Tae Kwon, Cookie, Play, Do-Si...
- Shawn Spencer: Now do you want to help this patient or not?
- Walker: Of course, sir.
- Shawn Spencer: Then speak to me like I'm ten years old.
- Walker: He had a sudden drop in blood pressure, which deprived his brain of blood. He also suffered a contusion and slight cerebral hemorrhage.
- Shawn Spencer: [pause] Talk to me like I'm five.
- Walker: Uh... his blood pressure went boom and his brain got an owie.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: So how are we going to blindly trace a man's jogging path?
- Shawn Spencer: We're gonna use my Indian blood.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You can't get Indian blood from working at a casino.
- Shawn Spencer: Maybe *you* can't.
- Shawn Spencer: Dude... that rock is sprayed with arterial red.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Maybe it's roadkill. Taste it.
- [pause]
- Shawn Spencer: What is that about?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What?
- Shawn Spencer: My whole life, you've been trying to get me to taste blood. Every time I cut myself or scraped myself, it was, "Oh, Shawn, taste it, lick it. It'll make you feel better."
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: It does. Lick it!
- Carlton Lassiter: You know, that is a brilliant theory, but what you've failed to take into account is that it's five degrees hotter today than this same day last year.
- Shawn Spencer: Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open. It's true.
- [pause]
- Shawn Spencer: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were offering up useless pieces of information.
- Juliet O'Hara: Why don't you tell me why you're acting out?
- Carlton Lassiter: I'm not acting out! He started it!
- Juliet O'Hara: I was talking to the kid.
- Lester: How the hell did you two get in here? You're coming with me.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I don't think so.
- Shawn Spencer: [flashing his pass] Boom! Say it with me: VI-SI-TOR'S badge!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Uh-huh, uh-huh! Do something, I dare you.
- [pause]
- Lester: I'll be watching you.
- Shawn Spencer: We'll be getting watched.
- Shawn Spencer: Hello, I am Dr. Howser. I am filling in today. This is my personal candy striper, Knick Knack.
- Shawn Spencer: Touch it. Just use your fingertips.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not touching an electrified fence, Shawn!
- Lester: [grabbing Gus and Shawn] How 'bout I touch it?
- Shawn Spencer: I don't think I like the way that sounds.
- Carlton Lassiter: Detective O'Hara is an officer of the law. She is a competent investigator, efficient with her paperwork, and maintains her workspace in a clean and orderly fashion. But she is, above all things, *not* *hot*!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I think all that writing gave me a ganglion cyst.
- Shawn Spencer: You can't get a cyst from filling out paperwork.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: If the pen is wrong, you can. There's definitely some carpal bossing in there. We should see if they have some extra thumb splints lying around.
- Shawn Spencer: You know what we should do? We should enroll you in some man classes.
- [seeing Gus's choice of disguise]
- Shawn Spencer: Candy striper? Really? I didn't even know they made those uniforms for men.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: They just started. There was a lawsuit.
- Shawn Spencer: I'm just saying, aim higher.
- Shawn Spencer: [while on a stake out] You sure you want to park this close, Dad? We're almost a quarter of a mile away.
- Henry Spencer: Shawn, we're exactly where we should be to get a read on the situation.
- Shawn Spencer: I can literally see the curvature of the Earth from here.
- Henry Spencer: My son, the super sleuth, can't even get himself access into an old folks' home.
- Shawn Spencer: No, no, no, Dad. You have no idea what we're up against, okay? I tried everything. I tried the whole "I'm a travelling doula" bit, the "dingo ate my baby" routine, "hiding Gus in a sack" trick, which never fails...
- Henry Spencer: Six a.m. Sharp.
- Shawn Spencer: No, that's too early.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: How about nine?
- Henry Spencer: Nine's a little late.
- Shawn Spencer: Come on, guys, let's be reasonable. Just split the difference, okay? Call it eleven-fifteen.
- Henry Spencer: Six it is. I'll drive.
- Henry Spencer: Alright, look. What the hell are you guys doing here?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: This is the part where you get blindsided with Plan B. It's kind of fun when it's not happening to me.
- Henry Spencer: I'll be your Talmadge McGooter.
- Shawn Spencer: McGregor.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: McGulager.
- Shawn Spencer: Exactly.
- Henry Spencer: I'll be all those guys and I'll have this case solved by lunch.
- Shawn Spencer: Considering they eat lunch here at 10:15, I'm gonna say we'll have it done by 9:45.
- Henry Spencer: You're on.
- Shawn Spencer: *You're* on!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What is that, your Indian blood?
- Shawn Spencer: They were here first, Gus. Don't ever forget that. Always hating on the Indians.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not hating on the Indians, Shawn. I'm hating on you!
- Buddy: Hey, Tallmy, who is this?
- Henry Spencer: Oh, that's my so... uh, grandson, Shawn, and his... Gus.