- Bobby Hill: I had it all planned out. After the 3rd strike, I was gonna walk like an Egyptian back to the dugout.
- Hank Hill: Yep, I'm real sorry I missed that.
- Hank Hill: I feel so stupid.
- Peggy Hill: Oh Hank, so you love Ladybird and you're willing to do anything to keep her. Does that make you stupid?
- Hank Hill: No.
- Peggy Hill: Yes, it does. But it's okay. Love makes people stupid, and I cannot help but be moved by how stupid you are being right now.
- Bobby Hill: [after Ladybird attacks the sofa cushion] Maybe after all those years of not being allowed on the couch, she finally snapped.
- Luanne Platter: I just want to live in a world where Santa can get in your house but thieves cannot.
- Lucky: The cat burglar in me can appreciate a job well done. But the fraidy-cat in me wants to run like hell. See, I have two cats inside me.
- Hank Hill: You want me to see a dog spiritualist?
- Veterinarian: Hank, I don't pretend to know all the answers, but this guy does.
- Oskar De Vries: I have berated the owner, I have humiliated the owner... I must ponder this conundrum.
- Peggy Hill: Everyone, remain calm.
- Old Man: We are calm.
- Peggy Hill: Well, you shouldn't be, because there's a vicious dog on the loose.
- Khan Souphanousinphone Sr.: Who's a good boy listening to his trainer like that? Is it you, Hank? Yes you are. Yes you are.